You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: unclear on the concept

  • YSaC, Vol. 1793: Yo. I can do that.

    Do you like to do work? Preferably something which requires years of training, and expensive equipment that you have to provide yourself? Are you nonetheless morally opposed to monetary compensation for such work? Mike, one of our regular readers, lives in a city where you’ll have PLENTY of opportunities!

    REBRANDING! looking for VIDEO/PHOTOGRAPHER

    compensation: no pay

    GREETINGS!

    Male Socialite looking to rebrand myself and webpage in the upcoming new year! I am looking to grow into a self proclaimed “Creatif”! I have plenty of concepts, and I am open to yours also! I am looking to create images from outlandish to fashionable. I am a graphic designer so raw or edited images are fine! Looking to shoot sooner then later, but open to scheduling things further into the year! Dont hesitate to hit me up! Looking forward to hearing from you!

    Because helping you realize your dreams of becoming a modern day Oscar Wilde is definitely going to pay off down the road.

    Photographer for Exotic Fitness Model

    I’m beautiful and fit and I’m looking for a team of photographers that can capture my beautiful fit physique. I’m also building my brand so I’m interested in photographers that have great contacts in the health and fitness industry. I expect a full portfolio, I will provide my own wardrobe and makeup artist. You must have a professional portfolio of work before I will consider working with you.

    Serious inquiries only. Forward your info including contact info.

    No Pay. I provide you with a stunning model and you provide photos.

    How about I just provide you with “no?” However, I know someone who MIGHT want to photograph you, just not in the way you intended:

    A very particular kind of photography

    I am an extremely experienced photographer looking for help for a new body of work I am putting together. I am looking for people to model for me for pictures that could show your face your eyes, your mouth, or any part of your body being touched. Yes, I would want to touch you–perhaps very intimately–while I am photographing you. No, I would not try to have sex with you. If you are interested, please shoot me a note. I am very serious about this. You get copies of everything, and if there is any kind of picture you need, I will shoot it for you.

    If you really insist that there be at least a possibility of compensation, there’s always THIS guy:

    Wanted: Online dating Digital Voice

    compensation: Compensation based either on a flat weekly fee or incentive program

    Getting a lot of matches on Tinder and Hinge, but schedule does not permit to holla at bitches all day long.

    Need someone to craft endearing and provocative messages through my online dating networks with the end goal of securing real world dates. In other words, I am looking to hire someone to be my online dating digital voice. No help needed once date is secured as my real-life pimp game is on point.

    About me:
    – Well-above average looking guy
    – Normal Cat
    – Sailor, cyclist, traveler, great sense of humor, outdoorsy, lover of life, and dog-lover

    Ideal Candidate:
    – Lipstick lesbian who understands women, but who enjoys the company of men
    – Non-judgmental and believes in efficiency
    – Great sense of humor and dog-lover

    Will compensate based either on a flat weekly fee or a more lucrative incentive system based on number of dates acquired per week.

    But for real certainty that you’ll be making money, I think it’s hard to beat this position:

    Precision Artist

    DETAILED ARTIST

    Needed a professional artist who is skilled in the art of fine detail. I am an ex-printer that specializes in making satirical knock-offs of various currency. This project is STRICTLY FOR FUN however. The artist should be skilled in rendering precision quality portraits of various popular deceased presidents. The artist needs to be thoroughly acquainted with color shifting inks and their application on various types of cloth paper stock and aware of the latest print technology including numerical type-setting. It would be of great benefit if they were familiar with new 3d technology such as making detailed holograms or at least willing to learn. This part is absolutely critical they must be willing to listen, pay attention, extremely eager to do a great job{PERFECTIONIST} and is willing to follow specific directions. Looking for that special person who is extremely motivated by company benefits {SPECIAL PERKS} and KNOWS exactly what he is doing. On a personal note no we don’t run background checks or use e-verify so we won’t know if you’ve ever been to a FEDERAL PENITENTIARY.

    Thanks for all the material, Mike!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1785: Owner of a Lonely Seal

    $$===FREE HEART EGG/PANCAKE RINGS

    * 2 Piece set
    * Stay cool knock down handle
    * FDA approved
    * Heat resistant to 500F/260C
    * Makes perfect heart shaped pancakes and eggs

    Just to be clear – this is a heart:

    To be fair, it is not shaped like this:

    ♥

    However, it also not shaped like a seal, an armadillo, or the state of Michigan. In addition, of the two things in the set, there appear to be three of them.

    Thanks for the post, Stephanie!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1779: Fishin’ in the Dark

    Free light bulbs

    condition: good
    Check your Spam folder for reply. About 6 or 8 regular light bulbs free, all work but are not the new energy-efficient kind

    Light bulbs? Light bulbs, you say?

    *squints*

    *rubs eyes*

    *looks again*

    Nope, still not light bulbs.

    Still, maybe I’ll finally have a use for this:

    Free Fishwasher

    Thanks, Ralph and Mackenzie!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1777: He’s not husky, he’s big boned.

    Large Dog Crate




    Large doge crate, as new. $100.00 or best offer

    Bought this a few months ago and it has never been used.

    Fits a fully grown husky

    So… this is a dog crate, right? And to use it, you put a dog into it, right? That’s how you use a dog crate, last time I checked. And this one has never been used – as in, no one has ever put a dog into it. Like that dog there. In the crate. Using the crate, as it were.

    Sigh. So Craiglist. Much suck. Wow.

    Thanks for the post, Michael!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1776: Cool, Cool… um?

    In honor of post number 1776, let’s pay tribute to America with this gem, which has nothing whatsoever to do with the Declaration of Independence in any way.

    cooler – $10 – $1500


    thermos cooler metal body at outside

    Yep. Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

    (Thanks for the post, JH!)

  • YSaC, Vol. 1775: Who’s a blurry dog? YOU’RE a blurry dog!

    wanted foam to keep sound out

    we cant use foam from couch. we can use any other foam sheets, rolls . I need 2in x37 in x 41in . its for a window. my dog is afraid of the rain

    If only there were some way to acquire products besides simply posting about your needs to Craigslist. Can you imagine the magical, fantasy world we would be living in if there were some kind of place you could go to get things? Actually, there’s so many different kinds of things, that in this hypothetical utopia, we might want to divide these thing-acquiring-places into categories. There’d be a home-thing-acquiring-place, a food-thing-acquiring-place, and maybe even a thing-acquiring-place devoted entirely to different types of popcorn!

    Wouldn’t that be amazing?

    But since we don’t have that, I suppose the next best thing would be if someone worked out some way to create some sort of internet-virtual-thing-acquiring-place. It would be like the real thing-acquiring-places, but you just wouldn’t be able to poke the things until they arrived at your home.

    We should probably think of a better name than “thing-acquiring-place,” as awesome as that would be in German.

    Maybe the dog could help.

    Thanks for the post, Lace!