You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: random musings

  • YSaC, Vol. 503: I see a red pew and I want it painted black.

    In my delirious stream-of-consciousness holiday survival mode, these things go together:

    Free pain! Lots of it!

    Now I know some folks are into that kind of thing, and that’s fine. I just want to point out what a difference a “t” makes. It seems like something you might want to include in your title.

    FREE OIL-BASED PAIN

    @ [Name of] Church.

    No thanks, I’m not Pomponio Algerio. It’s nice to see that religion is sticking to its traditions, though.

    And while we’re on the topic of churches …

    Free Church pews…please them.

    Amanda sends this one in, saying, “The church pews are not pleased by your offering. The church pews demand a tribute of bedazzled Jesus belt buckles.”

    Make it so, or you know what will happen!

    Thanks to Kevin, Jen, and Amanda!

  • YSaC, Vol. 352: “Born on Memorial Day” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

    do you want to hang somewhere for memorial day? – 40

    Date: 2009-07-03, 11:17AM EDT

    come and join us for memorial day starts today and tomorrow alot of drinks and food, music all are welcome

    Dan sends this one in, saying, “Notice the date. I can understand confusing Labor Day with Memorial Day, maybe. But … it’s the 4th of July! How do you get the date confused?”

    Maybe they’re just getting an early start on 2010’s Memorial Day celebration. See, it says it starts today and tomorrow — it doesn’t say when it ends. Besides, this was posted in w4m. They’re obviously looking for men with enough, erm, stamina to keep partying.

    Oh come ON, people. It’s the FOURTH OF JULY. It’s right there in the name. It’s not like the Fourth of July takes place on September 23rd or something. Nobody else could make that mistake, right? Right?

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 344: We represent …

    Attractive Couple Looking for Acrobactial Midget – mw4w – 25

    Smart, young sucessful couple is looking for a attractive, short female who is under 4 feet tall.
    We enjoy being active and like to do things out doors. Boating, BBQing, camping, and anything fun.
    Must be athletic or at least willing to do atheletic things like gymnastics and poses.
    This will not be a sexual relationship, unless it leads to that in future.
    No major health problems, 420 friendly is a plus. Must like dogs and mexican hats

    Please respond with pictures to get pictures!
    Hope to hear from your shortness soon!

    My brain can’t parse the word “acrobactial”. I keep seeing antibacterial. “The Antibacterial Midgets” would be a terrible name for a band, though.

    I think this came out of a conversation in which the couple sat down and said, “Are our friends diverse enough? Let’s see, we’ve got Mike — he’s gay AND African-American, so that covers two. Mindy is half-Asian — does that count? We’ll have to look for more Asian friends. Rafael is Hispanic, Sandeep is from India, and Björn is from Sweden. You know what we’re missing? A midget. Let’s put an ad on Craigslist looking for a midget friend/sex partner. Then we’ll officially be diverse and hip.”

    I mean, let’s be honest here: who doesn’t need an athletic, weed-friendly, mexican-hat wearing midget in their lives? I know I do.

  • YSaC, Vol. 314: Her name is Rio, and she needs to have huge cans …

    Cover Band Seeks Hot Female Keyboardist w/ Giant Cans!!

    Yup…you read correctly. We are a killer 80’s cover band and if you think you fit…that would be sweet!

    So, maybe I’m crazy, but given that a lot of music from the 80s was primarily synth-based, wouldn’t you be more concerned with whether your keyboard player was competent instead of hot and stacked?

    I mean, the talentless girlfriend has her place in the band, but it’s usually playing tambourine and singing tuneless background vocals into a dead microphone.

    Thanks to Lisa for sending this in!

  • YSaC, Vol. 225: I think that’s Tip #242.

    Books and other things

    Free books
    -New American Standard Bible/Updated Edition with maps, still in box
    -The Time of Christmas, The Time of Easter, The Time of the Church Parents Guide, Activity Books and CD great for Sunday School or home schooling
    -battery operated pencil sharpener
    -Girl scout beanie
    Stop the Meeting I want to Get off by Scott Snair
    -269 amazing sex tips and tricks for women by Anne Hooper & Phillip Hodson
    -Readers Digest Condensed Books Volume One 1984

    Also search [name] for lots of inexpensive things on sale

    225

    So let’s see … you’re a good, wholesome person, giving away a bible and Sunday school materials … and a book on “269 amazing sex tips”.

    I don’t think I want to know how the pencil sharpener fits in there.

    I am amused at the new, euphemistic meaning a book with the title of Stop the Meeting, I Want to Get Off takes on in this context. I mean, I’ve wanted to do that in meetings before, too, but I can control myself.

  • YSaC, Vol. 215: Who is Chester, and what is he doing in my lingerie?

    Variations on a theme:

    Antique Dresser and Chester Drawer – $500

    Moving must sell our antique dresser and chester drawer set. Purchased 20 years ago in an antique shop in very good condition.

    I’m not sure what the condition of the antique store has to do with it, but all right then. Surely this must be an isolated mistake, right?

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