YSaC, Vol. 769: Sonnet DXXLXIX
outdoor table – small round – $20
round, small, outdoor table, tall, brown. Wrought iron frame. in good condition.
Cash only, $20.
off of 183 and Oak Knoll.
How did thee fail me? Let me count the ways.
Your table listed in condition good
Described it as a species of brown wood
In round of shape and tall upon a gaze.
An outdoor table does the interest raise
With iron wrought the weather withstand should
And with a tithe of cash alone it would
Exchange to hands from off the fine freeway.
I weep for issues with the whole affair
What should be brown and round is square and black
And photos show it clear inside a lair
The lack of iron sets my heart aback
For thee on Craigslist do I thus despair
The pictures show what Sparky’s reports lack.
[With apologies to everyone who has written a sonnet, anywhere, ever … but especially to Elizabeth Barrett Browning.]
Is the middle part of the table glassed-in or is there a weird time-space continuum thing going on with the table?
Are you referring to those weird shadow-things by the legs? What are those? It looks like the table moved slightly when Sparky was taking the picture.
He must have snapped the picture when the table was walking inside.
Adranth, you’re an awesome lion!
I think you’re an awesome Enchilada, Mr. Taco, sir!
I figured it out! It’s the flash on the camera! 😀
But the floor shadow is to the right and the leg shadow-things are to the left. They don’t match up.
She didn’t say it was the flash working correctly … 8) just that it was the flash.
I think it’s a conspiracy; the table shot JR.
I don’t think that table was originally in that picture. If we use anamorphic satellite video editing technology, we can remove the false image of the table and reconstruct the original image using an algorithmic image processing algorithm.
*Runs the image through his magical software*
See! It’s really a picture of a Misjay! But wait!
*Runs the new image through the software*
Aha! It’s a life size Bea Aurthur cutout! That sneaky poster almost had us buying it!
The Redundant Department of Redundancy is on line four for you, TM.
It was an intentional jab at some of the software descriptions you get when they’re doing impossible image reconstruction in Hollywood.
One of my continuing favorites is: “It’s a software program… (technobabble)”
Ah, that “image enhancing graphics software program”?
“Write what you know” proves screen writers do not know much more than CL posters.
But, I’ve never had much luck with image enhancing text programs–though, one might be wanted for ‘descriptive text captioning’ programs.
Like, “Scene pans to outdoor iron table” is improved to “Sparky swiveled the camera, just then realizing the carpet was a horrifying rust color, so when he snapped the photo of the cheap aluminum end table, not only did the have a twitch, the thought of rust engaged his ferrophillia complusion so overwhelmingly, all he could think of, all he could express, was couched in his unnatural desires for cast iron. Once again, this would lead to Sparky’s downfall.”
If CSI has taught me anything, it’s that you can endlessly zoom in on a picture and get a perfectly clear image. Even from a convenience store security camera to zoom in on a suspect’s reflection on a spoon on a counter.
Also, women always put on their best makeup, jewelry, and heels to go inspect a dead body in a dumpster.
TV wouldn’t lie.
What is truly remarkable is that you can zoom in on a picture with crappy resolution and it *clears up* as you zoom in!
Tangentially related, Bones is rapidly becoming the TV show I love to hate. The hubby and I just finished watching season 4 and he picked up season 5 on DVD and I shudder to think what new offences against common sense and reality will be committed. Also, Stephen Fry was awesome and the kid they got to become the “psychiatrist” on the “team” should be marooned on a tropical island for a few years to grow up and become less of a pasty-faced squishball.
My wife and I mourned the loss of Stephen fry from the show, no idea why they got rid of him as he was one of the only reasons worth watching it for (well in my perspective anyway). I could listen to him talk all day.
Stephen Fry makes everything better.*
*This may not actually be true, but if it isn’t, don’t tell me.
Gonna give EB a bunch of doors for this one, ‘cuz she’s right about the flash. [corey] The dark shadow to the right of the table is probably due to a bright light source just out of the left side of the photo. (Think large window or patio door.) The shadow to the left of the legs is due to the camera flash. The shadow is not as strong as the one caused by the main light, and the light from the flash is not strong enough to overcome the shadow from the bright source. [/corey]
In other words, the photographer futzed the lighting up in the picture….
SaraJean is right also – the table shot JR!
Cat geometry? (Dang, I thought for sure I was here early enough for the first post!)
I, uh, have no life. And by that I definitely do not mean to imply that I was refreshing YSaC for half an hour before it was updated with today’s post. Because I wasn’t. Yeah.
No worries, I wasn’t waiting either 😉
Me too, I mean neither. Yeah, me neither.
Yeah, I’ve never done that.*
*Should be read with a metric ton of sarcasm.
Oh certainly, none of us ever do that…nope..no way, nosireebob…
I certainly would never stoop to that!
*Click*
*Sigh*
*Click*
*Sigh*
*Click*
*Click*
*Sigh*
No, no, not guilty of that at all. 8)
… So, who wants coffee?
I’ve never ever done that. I’m quite shocked that anyone would.
Two slices, please, Lola. I can honestly say that today I was not anxiously waiting for the update, and nervously looking at the clock to see if I had time for one more refresh before going off to my gainful employment. Nope, not today. Cause it’s my regular day off. My last one, due to operational necessity. Gosh, I hate that phrase.
Anyone like some banananana cup cakes with your coffee?
Wanna lemon bar with that?
I think I have a good excuse… I was up at 7am to work out…. I need me energy powder 🙂
I’m already at work by 7, so 9 am feels “late” to me. When I’m home and still in jammies at 10, I feel like a failure. Not that there’s anything to do even when I’m dressed, but still.
I know the post shows up at 9*, but that doesn’t stop me from checking at 7:10, and 7:45, and 8, and 8:03, and 8:05, and…well, you get the picture.
*Eastern Standard time, US.
Shoot…I got y’all beat…I’m UP every morning at 3:30 CST, and at work by 5:30-6:00….every.single.weekday.
By 9:00 a.m. I’m like the Army ad says, I’ve done more than most people do all day.
And, it’s not like I go to bed every night at 7:30…nooooo….
Is it any wonder I require mass quantities of caffeine?
Case in point.
9 am EDT is 7 am for me… I used to get up at 8:20 to leave the house (with a husband and a baby) at 8:40. But since I started working out, I have seen “7:00 am” on my clock a loooot more than I’m used to. So, I check in really quick, and then again when I’m done, and when I get to work the real snark begins :-p
It seems like EVERYONE is typing like me this morning.
Nerp de derp de der. I actually went back and corrected a lot more typos on that post before I hit submit. It’s evidence of my mental state that I edited, and STILL left one.
I do that all the time too. Most of my posts get edited 2 or 3 times, and I still miss a lot.
So … so … I’m not the only one who doesn’t do that? I don’t feel so alone anymore.
*sniff*
*click*
Well, if a person is insomniac, they get can pollute the fora with tedious drivel.
Like a tunne is a cask of about 100 cubic feet, or about 20 barrels.
Or, so I’m told.
And I have CJ beat… I’m up at 2 to get to work by 3:30 AM.
But I’m usually home before 10 (am)
I figure since I’m not a morning person, I might as well work those hours and then have the afternoon for free time/ working on art.
Cool, thought this was about to devolve into the Monty Pythou geezers’ sketch where eventually every one grew up and the woke up before the went to bed, and did not even had a hole next to the raod to live in, as they were still building the road while fending of mastadons and the like.
I lived in a paper bag at the bottom of a lake! And every day when we got home our parents would kill us and dance on our graves.
I worked this out with my catualtor and the answer is always the same….
Pie are square!
So the table is a pie? Let me get a fork. Mmm oaky.
CAT geometry?
Also, mathcats.com makes my eyes bleed.
Can I give an adore to the Llamanun for her Don’t Suck Box worthy poetry?
Great, except for the egregious grammar error in the first line that convinces me once and for all that drmk isn’t an English prof.
Awesome! We’ve narrored it down to no less than 143 possible topics!
It’s supposed to be a takeoff of “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways”. If I’d changed it too much, it wouldn’t have been immediately recognizable.
That’s no defense for using an objective-case pronoun as the subject of your sentence.
It makes you sound like Bizarro Ben Jonson or something. You might just as well have said “HOW DID HIM FAIL ME?”
Well… how did him fail you?
Don’t leave I hanging like this Isaac! Myself needs to know!
*Walks quickly out of Isaac’s blast range.*
Isaac: pfffft.
Him was English prof. Isaac was left wondering how him failed he, for surely correctly grammar Isaac used always.
And what was “excessive pedantry” supposed to mean, anyways?
[Supposed to be under Taco’s comment.]
Elebenty adores for the mental image of the Llama-Nun going “Pffft!”
I am reminded of the immortal words of Ralph Wiggum.
“Me fail English? That’s unpossible!”
That’s right folks, step right up! Get your tickets to the showdown of the century! It’s Llamanun vs Pedanticles[sic]! Who will reign supreme?
Tickets are $5 each or two for $20 (also accepting cash only barters or vintage [ERROR: ITEM NOT FOUND].
Christina – will you take obo’s?
We talkin’ firm obos here?
I don’t have any vintage [ERROR: ITEM NOT FOUND]s, but I have a couple [ERROR: MOVIE NOT FOUND]s on VHS that I picked up at a yard sale last weekend. VHS is kinda vintage now, right? 🙂
Are those, ahem, “used” firm obo’s ?
My firm obo’s ripened, they are semi-soft now.
My sentence no verb.
It’s a pet peeve of mine.
If you’ve read a Shakespeare play or dabbled in the King James translation of the bible, a sentence like “thee has a bubo on your oboe” ought to sound wrong, both in the pronoun and in the verb.
The archaic nominative form has to be thou, and the second-person archaic pronouns are going to want second-person archaic conjugations, like “hast” and “didst.”
If you’re going to pfffft me, think what all our Sparkies would pfffft as we scrutinize their spelling, capitalization, and geometry.
Isaac: pfffft.
The need for context (i.e., the ability to immediately recognize the parody on EBB) trumps your pet peeve.
But his pet peeve just had kits, and you wouldn’t want to put the infant peeves’ mother out on the street while they’re still nursing!
Isaac, I entirely sympathize with the twich you get when second-person singular forms are abused. There are games and movies galore that just make me want to visit the creators with a flame-thrower and a nice chart of conjugations and diagrams of proper pronoun usage.
That said, the poetry was inspiring and so I am pleased to overlook a slip (though I did mentally re-write it).
Also,
A “pffffft-ing” llama is awesome!
Like the sonnet. I think people would still get the shakespearean reference even with the correct “thou” for “thee,” though.
Also, I know I’m late getting to this post, but isn’t the roman numeral incorrect in the sonnet title? I think the first two “X”s are probably meant to be “C”s – as written it’s not a Roman number. Unless there’s some joke in there I’m missing.
Seconded.
I don’t know that I have ever been so impressed by a post. That poetry…words fail me.
Words, or the correct ones at least, fail the original poster, too.
And better yet it converts directly into a Haiku!
round, small, outdoor tab
le, tall, brown. Wrought iron frame. in
good condition. Cash
See, perfect!
We may have had this discussion here before, but do you say “EYE-urn” or “airn”? Because I say the former, so that threw me off even more :-p Other than that, you’re right, it’s perfectly haikuabled!
Airn in these parts. I think I’ve been here too long, as it used to be I-ron for me *cry*.
It’s ok. I spent too much time in upstate NY (with Mudsy and drmk, apparently) and I still say “baaah-gl” instead of “bay-gl.” (And sometimes it’s “I’m going to get the mahl.” instead of “I’m going to get the mail.”) Silly Raahchester.
It’s always been Ra-cha-cha to me.
*psst-it was Manda, not mudsy. And me, Grampdaddy and I think Addicted Reader and Lola gets a techical for schooling in Albany. Did I miss anyone?
I had some friends who say Ra-cha-cha. I think they’re silly :-p
Also, I could have sworn it was Mudsy who lived in Webster, and had a brain fart about it being west of Rochester instead of east. But my google-fu is failing, and I can’t find any of the places I KNOW were mentioned in the conversation. Ah well…
Nope. That was me (and obviously Grampdaddy), growing up in Webster , on the western east side of the Roc.;) Or Ra-cha-cha. We call it that too.
Couldn’t have been me. I never have brain farts. My cerebellum is completely free of air biscuits.
Wow, apparently I’m having one of those days. Sorry for the slander, Mudsy (about having a brain fat, not about living in Rochester ;-))
According to my son, there’s three ways to pass gas: toots, poots and farts.
Farts are stinky
Toots are all noise, no stink
Poots are noisy with a surprise left in your underwear.
These are the things he learns at school. How wonderful is public education?
(edit: stuck this on the wrong gaseous thread… sorry)
*brain fart
Can I just go back to bed, and call redos for later? Also, I’m just going to go ahead and blame everything on the ghetto, sticky-keyed Mac keyboard I have to use. That’s what I get for spilling my caffeine in my nice one… -_-
Oh, it’s all good.
I
slanderedlibeled LimeLolly the other day by anticipating that she’d have a shit fit because Gramps and I had crossed the line so early in the day.I would like an honorable mention, as my father grew up in Greece, out Ridge Road towards Spencerport, and across the bay from Webster. And I know and love Wegmans.
Meanwhile, down in Charlotte we went to “Abbott’s” for custard, and then headed off to Chili….
(There, let those non-Rochesterians try to figure out how to say that!)
Ok, curiosity time!
Take the quiz and go post your results in the Forums.
Oh, I miss Wegmans so much… Maceys is nice, but Wegmans rocked my world. Especially the Pittsford Wegmans, with all those rich people out there…
I am very definitely NOT from upstate NY. I’m from the part of NY that is really suburbs on NYC, but is called upstate by the snobs to the south and east. But there are no cows.
I looked at going to college at Albany, but didn’t. I went to Brandeis, in Boston. I also looked at Cornell, but suicide rate aside, I just didn’t want to deal w/ that much snow.
AR, when people think anything north of Yonkers is “upstate,” I get a little cross, having actually lived upstate (but not even North Country). Of course, Sing Sing is considered upstate (e.g. “gettin’ sent upstate”), and Ossining is in Westchester, so it’s hard to argue against it. But to me, the idea that anything north of the Bronx borough line is upstate is, well, myopic.
/geography rant*
*not really a corey or matt, I don’t think
I agree, Lola. I used to live in Philadelphia, NY (next to Fort Drum, about 25 minutes north of Watertown) and THAT is upstate.
I grew up two miles from the PA* border and I’m from upstate. Of course, by now Bronx is probably upstate.
Grampdaddy: You already gave Chili away in a previous post. I know Charlotte is shar-LOT. I’ll add Medina to the list of odd pronounciations.
*we never said Pennsylvania either, just pee-ay.
In my defintion, Upstate:
-does not have a high density of residents who commute to Manhattan.
-has cows.
-has multiple radio stations that play only country.
-has a low density of Jews. (Same probably holds true for most non-Christian or non-European-ancestry groups.)
-votes Republican in national elections.
-is a city surrounded by this type of area.
I grew up in Rockland County, NY. Here’s the conversation b/w me and the average “north of the Bronx is Upstate” idiot:
Me: You know where Westchester is?
Idiot: Yeah.
Me: You know the Hudson River?
Idiot: Yeah.
Me: You’ve heard of the Tappan Zee Bridge, that crosses the Hudson from Westchester?
Idiot: Yeah…
Me: Do you know what’s on the other side?
Idiot: ::blank look::
Me: That’s Rockland, and it’s not Upstate.
Well my area had cows (about 15 miles outside of town), the ratio of Catholic to Jewish was 50/50, politically VERY democratic (huge Italian and Irish area), and we had one radio station that played country (NYC had several last time I was there). I’m not trying to pick a fight, I simply think the term “Upstate NY” is silly because “up” is not a term I’ve seen on a map. Besides, to the other states, we’re all New Yorkers, and that means we are mean, unstable and bad drivers 😉
In my neck of the woods, structural steel is “ARN,” specifically “Raid ARN” (for the color of the galvinitic paint coating usually applied at the steel manufactory; but also ecompasses structural steel in zinc oxide coating, which is a pale yellow-green to sage color).
The golf club, though is often an “EYE-ron” (when not referred to simply numerically).
Square, black top with silver legged table was sick..sick and tired of small round outdoor brown table getting all the attention.
It had started innocently enough when round had been bought at the fancy furniture store after square’s owner finally finished college and landed a decent job.
But then…slowly, subtly, things began to change.
At parties, the guests were always using round for drinks and canapes, remarking on round’s glowing brown-ness. Eventually, square table was relegated to the bathroom-of all places! There square sat in the corner, covered in towels and magazines, suffering in silence and darkness. It’s no wonder square snapped.
What was wrong with putting a drink on a square table? Why didn’t anyone like square any more? What had square done?
Day by miserable day square waited for an opportunity to get rid of the smug round table.
And then, one day, her owner set her in the middle of the living room floor, and after giving her a swipe with the ratty dishtowel, her picture was taken.
Later, left in the middle of the room, square table could observe her owner at the computer…she was typing something. Square could tell it was a classified ad for…for…oh NO!! It was for HER! Owner was selling beautiful square table!
This could not be! Hadn’t she been there, since the 70’s, never complaining about the rings left behind by wet beer bottles? Or the Cheetos smashed into her surface? How about the time owner’s boyfriend sat on square? Hadn’t she stood up to it all with grace and dignity?
And now…this…the ultimate betrayal…
Square fumed…and as the owner’s cell phone rang in the bedroom and she went to answer it, square saw her chance….
Square isn’t wrought iron, she’s overwrought iron …
and undernourished…
It’s like a darker version of Brave Little Toaster, with the same devastating impact on obsessive hoarders.
That is wonderful.
If drmk ever gets a book deal*, she ought to have a couple chapters just of the poetry and prose we all compose here.
*Oddly enough, I think the lack of this may be because YSaC is unique in the way the commentry is something of its heart and soul, and it would be difficult to translate everything into a book.
You people should be ashamed of yourselves. This is clearly a case of the poster accidentally uploading the wrong picture. Every time I come here, everyone is so filled of *interruption* hold on a minute…….*mumbling in the background*………. Who’s Matt?
My brother?
I have a brother named Matt too. OMG! Andranth, I’m your sister! :p
I think you forgot these, Lou: (/matt) (matt/) Er, no, wait, that’s not right. I’ll ask Astro.
Astro’s been taken back to CHS prison with the rest of the escapees.
My first two classes are in the
2000 BuildingPrison Tower.Also, the Thilmanator
Big Brotheris watching us.Dave’s not here.
Squares are round now? Things sure have changed since my day.
I’m curious to see what it was like in Gramps’ day, then…
In Gramp’s day they didn’t have shapes! Everything was an amorphous gas. And they were thankful that they were gaseous.
And everybody got to play Lava Floor — for real!
I don’t think everyone was thankful he was gaseous.
We could ask Manda if he’s still gaseous.
Yes he is. And no, we’re not thankful.
I knew I could count on your guys to take things in this direction. 🙂
C’mon you guys, CJSC!* ewwwwwwwwww!
*Clothespin Jeebus Spice Christ
Spice Christ may have been why everything was so gaseous.
There was an exhibit at the natural science museum, When Spice Christ Tacowind Roamed the Earth
So that’s what killed
the radio starthe dinosaurs!That’s WWCJSCD*
*What Would Clothespin Jeebus Spice Christ Do
Spice Christ, Tacowind, & Fire – Irregular Fractal’s Earth, Wind, & Fire cover band OR tragic chain of events? You be the judge.
IF’s cover bands are one of my most favorite parts of YSaC. Thank you, Manda, for adding another one.
But only if you were upwind. Downwind from the amorphous gasses was not a good place to be. And we had to make them ourselves – oh, wait, let’s not go there…..
Your powers combined I am Captain Assplode!
*PFFTKERBLORT!*
Oh Gods, why?! It’s everywhere!
Is it “full of stars”?
**you see a TV screen materialize in the Snark Lounge. On it is what looks to be a Filmation show featuring TacoWind and Spice Christ.**
Spice Christ and TacoWind: TacoWind and Spice Christ UNITE!
Spice Christ: Shape of… A Square Table!
**turns into circular table**
TacoWind: Form of… An Enchilada!
**turns into CapnMac**
Due to the fact that people don’t seem to be able to type or describe what they are actually selling, I have come to the conclusion that humanity is doomed.
Sorry about the boring comment, I just had to say it.
But isn’t it a lovely day for it? The sun is shining, the clouds are white, and the birds are starting to turn brown and fall out of the trees. Yessiree, a beautiful day.
Hey, after a week or so of 99-107º highs, it cooled down to 95º today–practically a cold front.
Not that it has rained since June, other than in hit-or-miss fashion. So, all the grass is a lovely khaki color, the tree leaves are wilted. Any drier and the animal shelter is going to run of flea powder for the fish.
I almost wish it was that hot here. If it was, my car would have gone into gear this morning and I could have gotten MrEB to work on time -_- When it gets down to the 50s or so at night, the car gets grouchy in the mornings…
“Humanity is doomed” is one of the tags here. Drmk didn’t use it in this case, but we have definitely see prior evidence.
NMN, we’re all about honesty here*, and letting our feelings out. Don’t be afraid, you are among virtual friends!
*except on Wednesdays, and days that end in a y.
Or begin with a y, as well.
Or containing the letter a.
Except for alternate Thursdays in months beginning on a Friday; that’s when we play Blernsball.
And weekends and holidays and all throughout May.
And you’ll always be wrong no matter what you say!
(That’s a hard rule…)
“Except for alternate Thursdays in months beginning on a Friday; that’s when we play Blernsball”
…except at night, when we play Fizzbinn.
Fizzbinn? Blernsball? Yeah, judging by those two games, you all are even further signs that humanity is doomed. Also, I only play Fizzball.
I only play Calvinball.
You just entered the spin zone, Manda, start spinning!
NMN, we are inordinately fond of obscure pop references. I don’t think I have heard of Blernball but Fizzbin sounds like something from MASH. I belive that it was played by Hawkeye and BJ with bits of incomplete games they happened to have around.
Edit: Damn, I got it wrong. It was Star Trek.
I played Parrises Squares when I got the chance. But I had to stop, my doctor told me I couldn’t play like I was 21 anymore and she couldn’t heal a broken neck.
Blernsball is from Futurama, it’s the baseball of the future with incomprehensible rules. I believe bungee cords, pies, and a scooter are involved at some point.
Actually sounds like a lot of fun.
And the game Hawkeye plays with BJ is Double Cranko.
Don’t forget opposite day, which falls ever January the 12th, but only if the first day on the month was a Wodin’sday and it was snowing in Cape Hatteras.
Moira – YEAH!!! I was sooooooo concerned no one would get my extremely obscure reference of the greatest sci-fi show of all time. OF ALL TIME!
When testing for Kindergarten, my son correctly identified all the shapes and colors put before him. At what point after high school do people forget the basics? Because, I think I’m just going to have my son in school for the rest of his life….
I think that has something to do with the dominate stupid gene. It seems to surface sometime around puberty. Some people overcome it and some don’t.
Still others exploit it for a career in the entertainment industry.
Or being a disk jockey or news caster.
Isn’t newscaster one word? Spelled that way it looks like a game character.
Carlos the Dwarf Casts – News – on Ricardo the Elf
Ricardo – “Ahhh! Can’t…stop…chattering…inanely… with attractive blonde! Must … bleach…teeth!” :runs away:
Yes it is. But spell check didn’t call me on it.
SaraJean, it seems like you have discovered the new class in WoW.
Yes, I play WoW. Please don’t mock me. I can quit whenever I want.
You want shame? I played UO for 6 years.
To be fair, though, it’s just WoW with crappy graphics and death penalties.
LotRO… You’re among friends.
I tried WoW but it was too Disneyish for me.
Oh wow (NPI) a new way to rate local newscasts–roll for HP of inanity.
You want real shame? I play…:sob: Farmville.
Stupid adorable cows…
I now feel really good about all my spelling and grammar mistakes. Thanks SJ!
I still occasionally log on to Mafia Wars.
I used to play RuneScape.
The most embarrassing?
Until 9th Grade, I regularly played Club Penguin.
I may degrade myself enough to play WoW, but I have never ( and probably never will) played Farmville. Then again, that may be because I don’t belong to Facebook…..or Myspace….or even Twitter. Wow, I bet I’m the only person in my generation in the United States who doesn’t belong to those sites. Oops, I’m rambling. Sorry.
Mindfield! Here, boy! *whistles* Come on, Mindfield, get in the box! There’s a good smiling doggie.
The dog is in the box? This isn’t going to end up like that poor kitty that Schroedinger had, is it?
*Congrats Mindfield, your ninja adventure was epic*
Try putting a treat in the box, it works every time 🙂
All I can think is:
Tables of round
abound
abound
But this isn’t one of them.
What would we call this? It’s not exactly poetry. Is it considered prose?
I consider it a highly annoying earworm that won’t let me work in peace.
“Two by two,
Hands of blue.”
Oh, no, they’re not after us, are they?
Malaguena has been my earworm for the past week.
I was hoping arranging it would help, but it’s not.
If I can slip into my pedant garb for just a second, I’ll field your question seriously, Meredith.
It’s definitely not prose. The medium of prose is one in which sentences form paragraphs and aren’t broken by the author’s own line breaks. The medium of verse is the one you’re writing in.
Not every specimen of verse is poetry. Songs, for example, aren’t poems, but they’re written in verse.
Oh, Issac, you just made me feel so much better about myself.
There is a person close to me who has felt the need, for Lord knows what reason, to make me feel as though I am a complete imbecile who was raised by other, more neurotic, imbeciles. I wrote something recently and said it was “simply verse” and he proceeded to correct me, saying that it must be a KIND of verse. Being already broken down from many years of this correction, I simply chalked it up to one more example of my inferior education which ,up until I met him, I had thought was more than adequate.
But I AM RIGHT! I do write in verse, plain and simple. Next time he smiles at me like I’m too stupid to know better, I will send him to you, dear Isaac.
Don’t forget to sell tickets to that grudge match. I’d totally buy one.
I’ll make the popcorn!
I’ll bring brownies but only if I am allowed to taunt him mercilessly after you and Issac are done with him.
Hey, I know a couple ‘boys who claim they can geld anything alive–want I should send tem along? Might be as fun as mixed-martial pedantery
MMP?
**pictures Mixed Martial Pedantry**
**here’s how it goes:
ISAAC throws a swift right parenthesis! DRMK dodges, and hits him with an Oxford Comma! ISAAC is hit, but counters with a semicolon! Oh, the huge manatee!
**
Are they colored undies like what superheroes wear?
It has a good beat and you can
obsessively paint your toenail collectiondance to it.Thanks for the visual reminder.
While you paint them*, you really out to sing:
This little piggy went to Craigslist…
This little piggy stayed home…
This little piggy got french tips**…
This little piggy got clear coat**…
And this little piggy was up for rent all the way home!
*Regardless of what you type, I will always picture it not as a collection of toenails, but as one of severed toes.
**No idea what these terms mean, so corey away if you feel the need.
Well since you asked…
[corey] Clear coat is the finish that is added after paint has been applied to an automobile. It’s what makes the car shiny and what allows one to buff out light scratches with a mild solvent. Back in Grampdaddy’s days clear coat was an option where as now all cars have it. This is why you may see an older car with a matte finish, no clear coat.[/corey]
I believe you were looking for top coat, which is a clear nail polish that is applied to painted nails for added durability, or to bare nails for shine. 🙂
Sparky did get one part correct. The table is round. The legs, at least, are cylindrical. So it’s not a total failure.
Wonder what Sparky was drinking when he (and we always seem to think it’s a he) posted this?
Drano?
This seems more like the visual hallucinations you would get from gasoline.
Or pure Mercury.
Leave the late Fredie out of this.
Especially when it’s obvious that Sparq lubs his Sterno™
Capn, you type the prettiest incoherence I ever dun read.
If I connected this to my stereo would I get squaround sound?
Surrond wrap sound
With a creamy Summoner center.
Would it be sugary? Because then the hummingbirds would be all over that.
Yeah. That would be good.
And now the round table knows that Sparky was cheating on her with a square table…
What, you’ve never felt like a round peg in a square hole?
(Could that count as line-crossing?)
I thought the “squares” were the ones who did not go around sampling, err, “pegs”?
Amazing disgrace, how small and brown,
Posted by a wretch named Sparky.
It once was square but now its round.
Was he blind, that Sparky.
Hey, if octagons can have six sides on Craigslist, then it seems perfectly reasonable to me that circles can have four.
Maybe it’s an oval. Because oval would make more sense. I don’t know why it would make more sense, just trust me on this.
“SparKay!SparKay!SparKay! Meeting in the ish Fairgrounds squared circle, Cast iron and Aluminum! Act Now! Tix going Fast! SparKay!SparKay!SparKay!”
I’m feeling a little Gordon Lightfoot this morning.
Now gather round and hear the tale of a table so brown:
The legend lives on of the wood table so brown
And of the roundness they did square and fool me
The table, it is said, never was very red
When twas built out of kit for my TV.
With wrought iron frame – not evident the aim
Of a builder who’s more fond of plastic
To build tubes so plain and to paint them the same
And then top with brown wood so fantastic
‘Cause brown wood was black as a vampire bat
So as not to give away its true colors
And round was the square shape it had was that
It couldn’t be one or twould be duller
So now our tale ends the table for sale
And the seller who should have been fettered
Both shapes and wood, and two colors it failed
To sell on Craiglist to those who knew better.
My appologize to Gordon Lightfoot and his “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”
No, it’s Gordon who should apologize…well, to everyone for that
excruciatingly long nasal dischargesong.Hey now! It takes real talent to sing a 20 minute song through your nose!
Watch it, you might be insulting a GL fan who really really really loves that song, and remembers when the Edmund Fitzgerald sank. Maybe.
I’m a closet Gordon fan.
I guess it’s a glass closet now.
Gee TM, I guess that is probably true since you said you were “feeling a little Gordon Lightfoot this morning.”
(maybe a little over the line, eh, don’cha know)
Sorry I mistyped that earlier.
It should have been:
I’m feeling the little Gordon Lightfoot this morning.
What?
The majority of the songs on Gord’s Gold have 4 or 5 stars in my iTunes, so there. I’m having an urge to list all the other extraordinarily embarassing singers that I love to listen to in order to prove that Lightfoot really isn’t that bad but I think I will spare us all the shame.
Does it count if one is an Edmond Fitzgerald fan?
(Tolled the bell for the Lakes steamer men a time.)
We’ve seen ads like this before, and every time I have the same thought. “Can you imagine playing a game of Pictionary with the genius that posted this?”
*Draws a circle.*
Sparky: Oooh! It’s one of them uhh… triangles! That’s it! Triangle! No….that ain’t it. Oh! A pentagon!
*beats head repeatedly on table*
Maybe that’s how it got square; too many head
deskstables knocked the round bits off.Hey fider fider, the catmath doesn’t figure,
Sparky got out on parole.
The hypno dog laughed to see such an asshat
And the Micro Fish ran away with the grave bowel!
I like how the table is both small and tall.
Sort of like a cup of Starbucks, no?
Yeah, coffee houses and their pompous size names bug the crap out of me. Especially big chains like Starbucks who don’t have true baristas working there anyway.
I make a point to call them Small/Medium/Large. First, because I’m a pig-headed jerk who likes to drag the more uppity employees into pointless arguments about the naming conventions (Specifically that “Grande” means large and that Vente is a made up word by Starbucks), and second because…
You know there really is only the one reason.
(At small coffee houses where they have actual baristas working there I do acknowledge that they have some right to be pretentious.)
To be fair, tall means medium and there is a small size, the “short” which can be ordered even though it’s not on the menu anymore.
I like the word venti. When people ask me what size I wear, I tell them venti.
“Venti” is how I order my Shiner at the bar–does that count?
Aha! You’re onto something, Camille. Starbucks coffee is indeed both tall and small, it is also round and brown. And in my experience, if the Starbucks has a patio, it is outside and has iron furniture.
Clearly, our Sparky was posting this ad from a Starbucks patio, waiting for the morning coffee to kick in, which it didn’t quite. Hence describing the beverage and surroundings rather than the purported item.
Next time, he should try a slice of YSaC homebrew.
Sparky must not have seen any pretty ladies with designer purses yet.
Perhaps the one adjective refers to the diameter of the table and the other refers to the height. Or perhaps I am giving Sparky too much credit given the discrepancies between the picture and the description.
Then again, perhaps Sparky figured that people might not be able to figure out what a table was and so this picure is merely a representative of the class “table” though not meant to be the particular table for sale. From the description, then, we replace the various attributes of the pictured table with wrought iron, apparently brown in color, and tall in stature.
Yeah, I’m still not sure how that works…
So, it’s a verbal Venn diagram of sorts, and the photo is merely for topological reassurance?
Naw, I’m still voting for an excess of ganj-oregano and not nearly enough doritos
Captain, I’m going to print off some of your comments and ask my English teacher if he can decipher them for me.
Moira, welcome to the Gives Sparky Too Much Credit Club! Membership in the GSTMCC includes unlimited optimism, daily seconds of Humanity is NOT doomed! (Ala Eddie Izzard in Mystery Men)and discounts at the Paved with Gold thrift store.
Thanks, Windrose. I think I have been a member for quite some time but I can’t seem to find my membership card. (My first pair of glasses had lenses that were tinted pink.)
Of the 5 “sentences” in the ad, 2 are capitalized and 3 are not. Is it bad that this bothers me more than the incorrect picture?
It just means that your transformation into Isaac MK2 is nearly complete.
Why did you capitalize the K in your abbreviation for “Mark”?
Because my pinky didn’t want to lift off the shift button.
Hey TM, aren’t you glad Isaac is back?
🙂
He lets me know people actually read my posts :).
[corey]
In military nomenclature, the Brits are a bit anal about using the form “Mk”.
US usage (largely only USN now) seems to follow a “caps locked in excell” sort of rule, and only ever use “MK”.
There are some NSNs out there in other forms, and since that employe now does something else entirely, it is the one and only way to scribe the item, even if “mK-nn Mod y” looks dumb.
[/corey]
Sweet! I *love* correcting people! Do I get paid for this?
Nope, but you get all the typos, spelling mistakes, and grammar flubs you can eat. Don’t worry, I’ve always got more.
I guess if I get free food, that’s almost like getting paid.
Errors are tasty.
In the spirit of general fact and snarklessness, I would like to point out that this table is sold as a set of two by a giant, non-union, soul-killing retailer who shall remain nameless (but whose name rhymes with Schmall-Mart) for $20. They are made of plastic and flakeboard.
How do I know this? My mother, whose interior design tastes potentially include framed velvet Jesus wall hangings and those glass clocks with the 3D waterfalls in motion, bought me these. They have been relegated to my kids’ rooms and precariously hold a maximum of two hard cover books and an alarm clock. Anything more than that, they completely fall apart.
Well how about that? I did manage a little bit of snark after all.
[corey][/corey]
*Psst* You dropped these.
Are those the [corey] tags I threw in the garbage?
I wasn’t sure that my mother’s lack of discernible style or her incessant need to vomit truckloads of tacky crap into my house was worthy or a corey tag.
If anything, I debated using the [therapy][/therapy] tags.
[corey corey]Mostly that first section where you established the true origin of the table, the price, and the materials it was made of. The rest didn’t need them as it was snarky.[/corey]
Just consider YSaC to be your daily dose of snark therapy.
Puppy!
That is Reggie. One of two drooly, movable welcome mats that live in my house. I figured with all the felines on here, perhaps we could use a little balance.
**stares at puppy**
D’awwwww….
**clears throat, straightens up**
errmm… I mean… FOOTBALL! MONSTER TRUCKS! REFRIED DEEP FRIED FAT*!
*I wonder how long it will take before they start marketing that at the State Fair. Also, ew.
Puppies represent!
I’ll get back to my mutt avatars soon as well. We already had the kitty mafia, how about the puppy yakuza?
They can dump kitties in trash bins*!
*When a woman putting a cat in the trash as a joke becomes an international news item, I know humanity is doomed.
Is it just me, or do this guy’s directions make it sound like his outdoor table is sitting at or near a street corner, and not at his house?
Indeed. There is almost a hint of “For $20 I’ll show you which neighbor is remodeling their living room so you can go through all the stuff they left on the curb.”
That might explain the image that has nothing to do with the description.
Maybe the square table is the bait to catch the round table? You leave the poor square table out on the lawn and when the round table approaches it to see if it is food or a mate, you throw a net over it?
I’ve suddenly got a David Attenborough narration in my head:
The Mountain Square Black Table, growing increasingly rare due to human encroachment, is now only found in this one particular stretch of the Andes. Here you can see them grazing with the French Prudential Cabinets and the small Ottoms.
But not all is peaceful in these mountains.
A Brown Wooded Round Table. An ambush hunter specialized in using the rugged terrain to it’s advantage, the Round Table uses rocky outcroppings to mask its approach to the herd. And the chase is on! The superior speed of the round table is it’s only advantage over the endurance of the Square Tables, it must make the kill quickly or this meal will get away. And, with a quick jump the Round table digs its wrought iron supports into the flanks of its prey. The hunt is over, and the round table will have plenty of food for the next two weeks.
Or, is this what a domesticated round table looks like?
I have no idea what David Attenborough sounds like.
So I read it as if it was Richard Attenborough speaking.
It was interesting.
So, is “small round” anything like Short Round? If so, it’s not very nice to make the kid sit outside on a table all day…
Short Round? Seriously? I mean Indy has a great nickname, and all they could come up with – in what is inarguably the worst Indiana Jones movie ever made – was Short Round? Geez…
That’s a nickname that will inevitably come back to haunt him.
I heard it wasn’t the size, but how you use it that counts.
The fact that we had “dog” (whatever the hell his name was) for the 4th Indy movie and not Short Round stuck in my craw more than even the load of failings of the movie.
If it had Short Round in it I might almost have approached something akin to enjoyment while watching it.
The fourth was purely campy homage. I enjoyed it for that and because Harrison Ford is *still* drool-worthy.
Never go anywhere without your hat!
I’ve heard a fifth one is in the works.
I loved that movie. People keep telling me I’m the only one who did…
And by “that movie”, I mean Temple o’ Doom since the comment thread has rendered the original referent obscure.
A shirtless Harrison Ford? Yeah, I could see how that could be fun to watch.
I’m really quite stunned. It is late in the day, I’ve spent it with fifty – 50 – first-graders (yes, you read that correctly). and I am the only person who has noted that the table IS NOT A SQUARE. As you all will recall from postings of rugs and artwork, squares are 5 x 7, 3 x 5, or some-such. To suggest that I am disappointed in your powers of observation would be a mild understatement, but I will forgive your oversight because you have not spent the entire day with 50 first-graders……
*Now where did I leave the Swedish libation?*
Fifty first graders? You’re a braver man than I, Grampdaddy. That might be because I’m a woman, though.
*passes flask*
And I get to do it all year!
Perhaps braver, dear Lola, but you are a much better looking woman than I am. Guess that’s for a reason….
Of course, it just might be that you are far more intelligent than I.
*Thank you for the flask – do you want this back?*
*blink* Did I miss something? Are you saying that in three dimensions, it’s not cube-y? It looks like a square to me, unless you’re picky about rounded corners… *still somewhat confused*
Hi EB – [rug corey] Remember the square throw rug that measured 5′ x 7′? I don’t recall the posting, but it occasionally comes up along with the six-sided octagonal tables… [/rug corey]
Oh yes. That’s why I was confused–I was thinking real-world squares. That would be a problem :-p
In the world according to CL posters, squares either must have sides of unequal length or must not have right angles.
In *our* world, that table looks decidedly square-like… but what the hell do we know?
Edit: Add tags as desired.
tags
You’re it!
Dangit, I always get caught early! *chases after nearest YSaCer*
NO RUNNING IN THE SNARK LOUNGE! You’ll spill your drink, and you know who has to clean it up.
The “Texas Association of German Students”?
A group of over-hormoned HS students just nerdy enough to wander to regional and State competitions based on foriegn languages?
Not me (and I was a member once {g})
50? Sounds like a big job. But I trust you to
turn them from innocent little children into the line-crossing daemons they will become by fifth grade anywayproperly mold their impressionable young minds into those of respectable citizens.If only the table were red…
*sigh*
Well read, or just passably intelligent?
A badger and some spray paint could fix that.
Windrose, I need to get some sleep, can you take care of the You Don’t Suck forum thread today? Thanks.
AR, I probably can, but if I don’t get to it, please accept my apologies now. 8/
$20? You can get two of them for that price at Wal-Mart. Of course you have to put them together yourself and they aren’t ’round’, but they do in a pinch.
*click*
sigh
Mindfield! I did not forget you. Really, I didn’t. Punchity punch punch! Good puppy.
Belated G’Night, Eastern Standard Time!
Being a college student in my first apartment, I have no shame in admitting that I have two of those tables.
1. It is from KMart.
2. It is barely 2 feet tall.
3. There is no iron, but silver hollow plastic tubes.
4. We bought the two for $5.00 each.
:/ Even if it’s the wrong picture uploaded… Why would you not double check? Very very different….
I have the same nightstand table. It’s plastic and I bought it from CVS for $10 couple years ago.
I have two of these tables. They’re coated particleboard with plastic legs. They were $20 or less brand new at Kmart. Here’s hoping for the wrong picture!
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