You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: this can only end badly

  • YSaC, Vol. 1800: So long, and thanks for all the bees.

    Um.

    So, in the summer of 2008 I was spending a fair amount of time on my local Craigslist. I started noticing that people in my town were pretty bad at Craigslist, and I started posting some of the more egregious ads to my Livejournal account (remember those?) and making fun of them. My friends made the mistake of encouraging me, and You Suck at Craigslist was born.

    I made it through 200 posts using Roman numerals as titles before I figured out THAT was a bad idea. It was somewhere around post #350 that Dan started to help out, and we’ve been co-authoring it since then. Somewhere along the way we picked up the nicknames of the Llamanun and the Ostrimu, and also picked up the most clever bunch of minions – er, commenters – that the internet has ever seen. We held meetups wherever we went, and we got to meet people who … well, they got us, and they were wonderful.

    We almost got to write a book somewhere in there, back when every blog on the internet was being offered a book, but lost out when we refused to dumb it down. We also almost got bought by a large cheeseburger-focused website, but that fell through too, because we would have lost the rights to everything we had done, and there were no guarantees that we could have kept doing it. We just liked doing it.

    It’s been over six years of bees, things that aren’t lions, French non-Provincial furniture, and every spelling imaginable of chihuahua, armoire, and ottoman. We’ve made jokes about things as diverse as the Maginot Line, Chuck Close, and Marcel Duchamp. William Gibson, Roger Ebert, and Dan Piraro all publicly said they liked our website. We’ve written soliloquies, operas, and movies, and more song parodies than anyone other than Weird Al Yankovic. (Some of them even got recorded.)

    And we loved every minute of it.

    That’s why this is really hard for us. As life has a tendency to do, whether you want it to or not, life has changed for us since 2008, and both of us have things going on now that demand our attention. We’re at post #1800 as of today, which is a nice round number … and so as of today, we’re (un)officially calling an end to You Suck at Craigslist.

    We’ve put together a list of the Best of the Worst posts of 2014, and we’d be honored if you took the time to re-read some of our favorite moments. As always, no clickbait – the original posts and our commentary are now all on one page, but we urge you to take the time to click through to each individual post and read the comments, which are usually the best part of the site.

    Thanks to everyone – everyone who read the site, commented, or sent in submissions. The site would not have worked without you. Thanks to Craig Newmark for not suing us. And a special thanks to all of the Sparkys who posted on Craigslist and gave us such a wealth of material to work with. We will miss all of you.*

    -Llamanun and Ostrimu

     

    *This is actually true. Well, maybe not the Sparkys.

  • YSaC, Vol. 1798: It’s not how crazy you are, it’s how crazy you feel.

    Over the years, we’ve done our best to take care of our single readers. Specifically, we’ve tried to make sure they thank their lucky stars every day for that status. To that end:

    Single and looking for cuddle boddy – 37

    age : 37
    I am 36. Single and looking for a cuddle boddy or a friend to hang out get to know as friends have a good time. My name is #### you text me
    show contact info
    Okay In [location] any city s close by only. I am a good person trustful nice carving maybe something more in future see what can happen .

    This person’s interest in carvings would be terrifying, in the sense that maybe he’d do some carving on YOU after the ritual killing. Fortunately, he’s gotten a year younger just over the course of posting this ad, so the Benjamin Button syndrome’s probably eliminated the danger by now.

    Thanks for the post, SC!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1797: Gotta get movin’ to a clown that’s right for me.

    safety issue

    Is it safe, to allow your kids to eat candy flavored chap stick?

    My son, eats about 3 containers a day, of various flavored lip balm sticks. He particularly likes the blueberry flavored chap sticks.

    He says they give him super powers. So idk? He did survive being hit by a moped, and he didn’t break a bone. And the clowns moped was totaled. So I’m beginning to wonder.

    Chapstick Connoisseur is my Lipps, Inc. cover band.

    What super powers would chapstick consumption convey? The ability to …

    Okay, wait a minute. Seriously — you just know that the dancers in that video have had nightmares about this gig ever since, especially the poor girl designated the lead funky-seeker. I mean, she is not in any way funky, and she could really use an escort to somewhere that would provide her with the recommended daily allowance of funky to ameliorate her funkyless condition, but I’m not sure this was the best way to entice someone who has an excess of funky and the means to provide transport to allow her to accompany them on their journey.

    I seem to have gotten distracted. Look, a clown on a moped! *crash* oops.

    Thanks, mc l!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1791: Was the immortal guy also Shakespeare? Because then we’d really have something.

    Reply,Reply,Me,Me,Me,Me Brilliant – m4w

    I love Shakespeare’s Sonnet 62, and in it’s irony, the poet’s partner has become part of the poet’s self and hence by praising himself he is in fact praising his beloved who is the source of beauty in the poet’s life.

    The person whom sent me this response. It is a honor to run into someone ,whom is even aware with Shakespeare!I am very impressed that you are out there,hoping that you have secured a viable minds to share your views,and opinions,certainty there must be a man who appreciates cultivation in a woman. I like the Dark Knight have elected to not seek out brilliance,knowledge,or wisdom;inside of s society primarily inspired by social cues. Only a few walk amongst us worthy enough to know the meditations of Marcus A.Not many even have a interested in poetry these days,rarely is one heard in public reciting it openly with passion. Nevermore,Nevermore, my poetic mystery lady,you definitely have revealed that “I am not Alone”/ May i suggest a movie which you might find extremely interesting, produced for philosophical minds like yourself. On a cold night in a remote cabin, Professor John Oldman (David Lee Smith of CSI: MIAMI) gathers his most trusted colleagues for an extraordinary announcement: He is an immortal who has migrated through 140 centuries of evolution and must now move on. he name of the movie is the”The Man from Earth”.

    I think these two lovebirds are made for each other. I mean, the poetic mystery lady who sent the response about Shakespeare’s Sonnet 62 clearly loves poetry enough to plagiarize an interpretation from a bizarre and questionable internet source, and our Dark Knight (minus brilliance, knowledge, or wisdom) has plagiarized the description of the movie he is so intent on having our heroine watch.

    So let’s see: woman responds saying she’s very fond of a sonnet that is apparently a justification for narcissism, and man responds favorably with a reference to a movie about an immortal man who reveals that he himself was Jesus. (Oh, sorry, spoiler alert.)

    Yup, I think these two crazy kids just might make it.

    Thanks, Beth P.!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1790: Betsy Ross Decides to Kick Some Ass

    If ever there was a time for the “this can only end badly” tag, it’s here:

    Vintage Sew Machine

    Please see the required phone call info posted below–NO TEXT–NO EMAIL:
    For sale here is a Most Excellent Vintage sewing machine from Sears Roebuck & Co…This Kenmore machine was built when they still built GOOD sew machines ,is VERY heavy duty cast iron in a nice well built, solid wood , dove tail [Cherry I think], cabinet with knee control..looks to be very little used and comes with the original operator manual also in as-new condition ,and drawers full of attachments for this machine–A give away @ $150, and I might take some ammunition reloading equipment as trade.. Loosing my eyesight & threading needles is a real project..

    Right. You’re going blind, so you’re not interested in sewing. So what hobby are you turning to instead? SHOOTING?!?

    If you need me, I’ll just be hiding over here in Newfoundland.

    Thanks for the post, Gina!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1778: For sooth

    let an angel sing to you

    let me express my dedication to my two home countries.
    call me and i will sing either the American national anthem or Canadian national anthem to you.
    i love my countries and would like to let you hear the voice of an angel sooth you on this beautiful labor day.

    Oh hey – a national anthem post. I should totally use this for volume 1776.

    Oh crap.

    True fact – drmk and I go to a lot of amateur sporting events. At these events, amateur persons often sing the American and/or Canadian national anthems. 99 times out of 100 they are not even a LITTLE bit soothing. In fact, our friends have determined that far more entertaining than the actual performer is watching us twitch at each random modulation and botched intonation.

    So I think, Sparky, you will NOT be hearing from us on the dial-an-anthem line any time soon. Unless you want to perform the honors for Johncageistan.

    Thanks for the post, Greg!