You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 1795: This monkey’s gone to heaven.

Written by

drmk

in

One of the recurring themes on this site has been people who, when faced with a piece of furniture they’d like to part with, apparently just bash their hands on the computer keyboard in hopes that their frenzied actions will somehow miraculously spell the name of the thing they are trying to sell. I mean, it worked for Shakespeare’s monkeys, right?

amoria!

Very nice in good cond asking best offer

I’ve been writing this site for long enough that when I got this submission (in 2010), I was actually relieved that there wasn’t someone using the toilet in this picture, and kind of mentally glossed over the spectacular attempt to spell armoire.

vintage sofa chimpindale style

this is a good looking soft i want to find a home.

There weren’t any pictures with this one, so I’m taking bets at even odds that this ad was written by a person who is either trying to rehome a monkey or is in fact a monkey. But probably not one of Shakespeare’s monkeys.

And just for good measure, sometimes folks get the spelling right, but get so much else so very, very wrong:

wood stationary rocker

wood rocker — back 39″ h x 25″ w x seat 15″ h front with cushions — great condition ——- $ 15.00

A stationary rocker. You know, for those folks who can’t handle standard rockers because of nausea and vomiting because of that whole “moving” thing. Also known as a chair.

Comments

24 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 1795: This monkey’s gone to heaven.”

  1. Dave and Cat Snake Tribe Avatar
    Dave and Cat Snake Tribe

    When the ad hits your eye
    Like a big pizza pie,
    That’s amoria!
    When the rocker won’t rock
    And the soft has a chimp flock,
    That’s amoria!

    1. Ralph Avatar
      Ralph

      Amoria = having no mores?

      As opposed to some mores?

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        Mmm, S’mores!

  2. ratwoman Avatar
    ratwoman

    It’s a shame the sofa’s only chimpindale style. If it was Chip ‘n’ Dale I’d buy it.

    1. SilvaNoir Avatar
      SilvaNoir

      If it was Chip and Dale’s it would be a very tiny sofa. But then, maybe your rats would have a use for chipmunk-sized furniture.

  3. camille Avatar
    camille

    Don’t mock the poor chimpindale. He just wants to find a home. Otherwise, he might end up back at the monkey store, and we all know how that turns out.

    1. nojazzhere Avatar
      nojazzhere

      FOR SALE….wood chimpindale style stationary amoria ( cum rocker)….batteries not included.

      (that doesn’t mean what you think it means!)

  4. HamCan Avatar
    HamCan

    good looking soft

    It’ll make a lousy pron star!

  5. Yancy Avatar
    Yancy

    chimpindale

    Like Where’s Waldo, this is a game. The first person to find the chimp hiding in the dale wins.

  6. Ralph Avatar
    Ralph

    If you put the soft chimpindale far enough into the armoria it will end up in Narnia, where it might start talking like the other animals. Maybe there it can find an otterman.

    Corey: Chimps are apes, not monkeys, and a”stationary rocker” is also called a platform rocker or a glider, not to be confused with Al Rocker. /Corey

    1. Ninja Chow Avatar
      Ninja Chow

      I think a chimpendale sofa would compliment my otterman nicely.

  7. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    I’m asking for your best offer! And I can tell if you give me a mediocre offer. You can do better than that. Try again.

  8. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Dave! Hope you had fun all weekend in the box. You and the cat snakes, formerly known as ferrets, must walk this way to exit the box. Punchity Punch Punch. The ice machine is down this hallway.

    Good Morning, fans of Great Condition!

  9. kc Avatar
    kc

    I’m feeling a little Les Miserables today. A case of the Mondays…

    Phantom sofas on the Craigslist.
    Phantom amoria on the floor.
    Empty chairs at empty tables
    Where it will rock no more.

  10. C"From Behind.....Suddenly"J Avatar
    C”From Behind…..Suddenly”J

    amoria!
    Very nice in good cond asking best offer

    Okay, Sparky…my best offer is this:

    You, bound and gagged, stuffed inside your own amoria with a copy of Webster’s.

    You cannot come out until you learn to spell.

    1. Yancy Avatar
      Yancy

      Can we also cram in there a copy of Chicago 16th so maybe Spark might learn punctuation? Or at least hit him/her over the head with it to test the learning-by-osmosis theory? Ok, that one’s just for fun. Nobody’s ever learned anything by osmosis. Except for maybe Braille.

  11. tigprincess Avatar
    tigprincess

    I think I’ve spotted the monkey! It’s trying t0 crawl out of/into the toilet…. otherwise I’m going to need a great deal of brain bleach to imagine what that item is and I can’t blow up the picture well enough to ascertain its provenance.

    Also if the big item is the amoria, is the other one a smallmoria? Just asking, because it looks too wee to be separated from its mommiemoria.

  12. Yancy Avatar
    Yancy

    For sale to highest bidder: all of my moria.

    I’m an honest, sincere fellow looking to join politics. And since apparently there is no such thing as an honest politician, I gotta get rid of my moria quick. For your highest bid, you get my honesty, integrity, fidelity, all of my moria fiber. Bid quick, so I can be just as amoria as the rest of them by the time campaign season begins. If you’re willing to sell your moria too, I’ll name you my campaign manager if you donate at least 70% of your profit to my campaign. Without all that moria, you’ll be perfectly posititioned to help me lie, cheat, steal, and sleep my way to the top!

  13. MissMommyNiceNice Avatar
    MissMommyNiceNice

    Llama Nun is famouser!
    http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/the-craziest-restaurant-stories-youve-ever-heard-1671075272/+katedries?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Ha! I didn’t think there would be an overlap between this site and that one!

      1. MissMommyNiceNice Avatar
        MissMommyNiceNice

        That’s one of my favorite columns, especially after being unable to secure a job with my degree and returning to serving. What a crazy time! I can’t believe they stole your head!

  14. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    (At the risk of being booed off the stage.)

    We have words down here in the South that you don’t have up North, like amoria.

    Is there an amoria going down to the lake this weekend?

    Chimpindale: My favert detective show when I was a kid was Chimpindale’s Rescue Rangers.

  15. Brer Fox Avatar
    Brer Fox

    (Continued from post #1794)

    Well, that went over like a lead balloon.

  16. SilvaNoir Avatar
    SilvaNoir

    That rocker looks like it’s stationary because it was cemented into place in the sidewalk.

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