You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 475: No pants, no service.

Written by

drmk

in

Gas station – m4w

I should of came over and got your phone number. How about giving me another try? Could u tell me what gas station we where at 2 let me know it’s u?

Hey, it’s me! Remember me? I was the guy with the car at the gas station. I was at the one pump, and you were at another one. Remember? I knew you would. I was wearing that shirt, and shoes. Oh yeah, and pants. Name’s Billy. I can’t wait to hear from you.

And regular readers might recall the saga of 37, who appears to post creepy missed connection/stalkerish things about every woman he encounters during his day. Liz is kind enough to send us another episode:

girl at Fatz – m4w – 37

x/xx/09 i went to Fatz to eat lunch at 12:00.the host that seated me.sorry didn’t get you name or # or anything.she was very pretty and sexy and nice.really would like to get to know you more.next time you should take a break and join me.we made eye contact several times.she had on black shirt and pants.she had med lenght blondish brown hair.hope the girl see this.if you are the girltell me what i said to you or what i look like.far as that goes Fatz has all pretty and sexy women working there.if any of the girls works at Fatz see this and interested.please let me know.i’m just looking for a good girl.

I want to meet this one girl specifically. Or any of the other girls there. Hope the girl see this. Or any girl. Any girl at all.

Thanks for the submissions, April and Liz!

Comments

195 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 475: No pants, no service.”

  1. kelli Avatar
    kelli

    Really helpful information 37 because no one else would eat lunch at 12:00, it’s not like it’s a standard lunchtime. 37 seems to be getting desperate towards the end of his ad, expanding it from just the host all the girls working at Fatz

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      It’s the shotgun approach to romance, I guess he thinks he’s bound to hit something.

      1. isaac Avatar
        isaac

        Maybe we should be happy about that, though: if each posting targets more of his daily encounters, there will be fewer posts to clog Craigslist.

        “all the women in L.A.are so sexy and hot.if you are a woman in L.A.or in Calif.and you wear a shirt or pants or clothes at all please respond.or if you know a woman in the Calif.area who has hair.or is not in the Calif.area but might know where it is on a map.or as long as there is ladyparts at all i dont care.please dont make me write another post that is more specific.then you might figure out that im the skeezy obese moron with bad braeth you served at the Starbusck last tues.”

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          If you just keep lowering that bar someone’s bound to run into it and clothesline themselves. Then you’re all set!

      2. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        Sarajean, here’s what you’re talking about.
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILbS7K2iF70&feature=related

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Ick.I have actually run afoul of men like that.

        2. Tweaker Avatar
          Tweaker

          Oh man, that was even creepier for me, because that girl had my name. He wants to get my number, save me!

  2. Keelhaulrose Avatar
    Keelhaulrose

    Hm… you want to reconnect with a girl who works at a particular eatery, and you have a good guess at which shift she works. Nope, can’t think of any other way than CL to find her again.

    Why is it all these people think that beautiful, charming people need the help of CL to find that one special customer… er, person?

  3. Loftwyr Avatar
    Loftwyr

    Billy link is an edit link…

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Fixed. Thanks!

  4. Meredith Avatar
    Meredith

    YSaC—W4L—29

    Saw you on that website. You wrote that text, with that font. You were funny and wrote all smart. I liked reading your writing. I could tell we connected bc you wrote things I really liked, and I commented back and you gave me kudos.
    If this is you, tell me what you wrote, and what my comment was and how many kudos I had on my post at 1:27. I’m looking for a soulmate, so if any of you other commentors think I am cool or that we would connect, hit me up and maybe we can kick it sometime.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Very nice, just the right hint of creepiness. I don’t know if I want to reply or run screaming into the night. Or mid-morning, as the case may be.

    2. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Is W4L “women for llamas”? ‘Cause that’s awesome.

      1. DanTM Avatar
        DanTM

        That’s where my mind went first. But I thought maybe I had the notorious “Women for Llamas” political action committee on my brain.

      2. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        Yes, it was “Woman 4 Llama”. Glad you caught that.

        1. drmk Avatar
          drmk

          Or “Hope the llama see this.”

        2. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          Was all hot and sexy. Been hopin to hook up with web-boss for some time. Tell me what my comments smelled like.

        3. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          But Igor, it’s the lama-nun web boss. The nun bit may mean a lack of hooking up. And if she does, I suspect it’s with dan the ostrich/emu (never seen an angry ostrich/emu and I don’t want to, myself).

      3. arallyn Avatar
        arallyn

        I actually have interacted with angry ostriches. Being all of 5 foot nothing and dealing with birds that are 1.5x my height and weight, plus have muscles the size of my head in their legs…well, let’s just say I got out of that barn quickly. I can’t imagine emus are much nicer…

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Never mess with a bird. I’ve been spurred by roosters one tenth my size and was once attacked by a flock of geese.

        2. lareina Avatar
          lareina

          Emus are really nice actually. I worked with them for about a year and half. They’re kind of dumb, and their reaction to something they find interesting is to peck at it experimentally, which, if it happens to be an arm or a leg or a flapping jacket behind which is your ribcage – OW, but never left anything more serious than a bruise behind on me. Ostriches are much more dangerous in my experience, they have an element of batshit craziness that none of my emus ever displayed.

          The major scars I have are from geese (total bastards) and one frightened cormorant, who ironically was the sweetest bird normally, but for the one time when a combination of fear and hunger made him lay three of my fingers open to the bone.

        3. sfaye Avatar
          sfaye

          When I was about 7 or 8, my family would drive up to the Poconos to visit my grandparents. On one such trip, I was sitting in the back of the car reading a book and glanced out the window to see an emu on the side of the road. I immediately announced this grand vision – but no one believed me. The next morning, on the cover of the local paper, was a story about a nearby farmer who had lost 2 emus. I was quite smug as I told everyone that “I know an emu when I see one.” They have no doubted me since.

    3. Colleen in MA Avatar
      Colleen in MA

      do you have a brother that comments?

      1. JcT Avatar
        JcT

        Bah ha! Made me spray! -wipe wipe-

        1. Jinx Avatar
          Jinx

          Neutering your avatar will stop it spraying, I’ve heard…

  5. tigprincess Avatar
    tigprincess

    come on YSaC, be friendly! its 37 here.
    my restraining order says. i can only point to food. and pay for it. and eat it without talking. to any women but i know they all fancy. the pants off me. from reading their minds. to let them know that i am. actually the man they have been. longing for all their lives. and will stick close to them. for the rest of their lives. in blissful isolation. in a lovely cellar. i’ve prepared under my granny’s house. all i have to do is post on CraigsList.
    who wouldn’t want. to share. my tortu … luxury chamber. and be my slave?
    other people can. be so cruel.
    * very hard to write in 37’s style of no caps and random fullstops / periods*

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      That made my head hurt in sympathy for you. It reminds me of that Stevie character from Malcolm in the Middle, if he had grown up to become a crazy stalker-man.

    2. Meredith Avatar
      Meredith

      Ummmm, I’m reading the news as I’m posting here, and the top story is the guy who had ten bodies of women strewn around his home in Cleveland.

      Now it’s a whole new level of creepy, dude.

      1. Heather Avatar
        Heather

        If he doesn’t want you to sit in his lap, how harmful can he be?

      2. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        And they found a skull in a bucket in his basement. Given his prior record, that brings an entire new level of “disgusting” to things.

        1. Meredith Avatar
          Meredith

          Hey, don’t jump to conclusions.

          Maybe he picked up that one at a flea market. I mean, it went with the decor he already had.

          okay, now I’m disgusted with myself.

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Thanks for that, it just made me go all shuddery. I will never be able to look at a flea market the same way.

  6. sfaye Avatar
    sfaye

    Now lets see…. When I filled up my tank on Sunday, there was this guy staring at me. Oh, but then he came over to help me unscrew the lid on my gas tank. No, couldn’t be him. I’m pretty sure he was wearing a wedding ring. There was that creepy guy who was smoking, but I prefer non-smokers. It’s better for your complexion.

    Oh yeah, I went to the gas station yesterday, but it turns out those stupid machines don’t take my Victoria’s Secret card. That nice man explained what a credit card is to me. Maybe it’s him. Or it could be that guy who yelled at me when I bumped into the back of his car when I accidentally put my car in drive instead of reverse LOL. But he was kinda mean.

    Oh, well. I guess I’ll just have to write him to find out which one it was. My car is kinda low on gas, maybe he can fill it up for me.

    *Note: this would probably be funnier if it was a little less well-written, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I did manage to throw an LOL in there, but that was my limit.

    1. arallyn Avatar
      arallyn

      The thought of someone smoking at a gas station put me in mind of this post from notalwaysright…
      http://notalwaysright.com/fighting-fire-with-fire-part-3/2980

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        Hey, Thanks for the new site to view. That is such a typical encounter with the crop of “It’s all about ME” citizens out there. 8/

      2. Ladycrim Avatar
        Ladycrim

        I thought of that, too. “Petrol EXTINGUISHES fire!”

  7. Sherri Avatar
    Sherri

    Never ever ever going to Fatz again. Ever.

    1. DanTM Avatar
      DanTM

      Are you kidding me, I’d love to see this guy in person! Of course, being male, he doesn’t scare the begeezus out of me. Not personally anyway, I fear for woman kind. But I really want to see what pure crazy looks like.

    2. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      I hear it’s a great place to work, if you’re looking. 8)

  8. Ed Snyder Avatar
    Ed Snyder

    Rupert Holmes should contact this guy for lyrics to a new song.

    1. lost_compass Avatar
      lost_compass

      I was tired of my lady
      We’d been together too long
      Like a sticky old love doll
      Her latex scent had grown strong
      While she lay there deflating
      I got online once again
      And in the CL connections
      There was this letter I penned:

      If you like penis collages
      And have no self-esteem
      If you work Fatz at noontime
      And can’t see through my scheme
      If you’d like being cuffed and stared at
      And gagged with yards of duck tape
      Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for
      Write to me – no escape

      1. MsKittie Avatar
        MsKittie

        Thaaaanks. I’ll never be able to listen to that song again without hearing “If you like penis collages.”

      2. Ed Snyder Avatar
        Ed Snyder

        Are you the Holmes-Yankovic lovechild? (you definitely get a +1 from me)

      3. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        I’m all weezy laughing now.

      4. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        Dude.
        Genius.
        And a little scary that you could do that so well.

        1. lost_compass Avatar
          lost_compass

          Yeah, I pretty much creeped myself out too.

      5. drmk Avatar
        drmk

        “Penis Collage” would be an awesome name for a band!

      6. SoundsLikeVla Avatar
        SoundsLikeVla

        Can’t…..breathe…..laughing….

      7. Ed Snyder Avatar
        Ed Snyder

        I am SO searching Etsy for a penis collage to submit to the Regretsy website.

        1. Heather Avatar
          Heather

          Regretsy rocks. And it could use more penises. The recent postings have been rather, erm, feminine.

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Hee hee.
          Just seeing the phrase “…could use more penises.” has made my day. Really, how often do you see that?

        3. marn Avatar
          marn

          OMG…how have I not known about Regretsy before?! Thanks!

      8. Count Blah Avatar
        Count Blah

        lost_compass, thank you for turning a previously annoying song into PURE AWESOMENESS. I think I may be in love with you a little bit. 😀

        1. lost_compass Avatar
          lost_compass

          No, thank YOU for setting the (Seussian) bar so high. 😉

      9. queensbee Avatar
        queensbee

        wild applause! (but i have hated that stupid song forever) your new words make it all better. oh, sorry. you new words is good.

        1. My Evil Twin Avatar
          My Evil Twin

          Excuse my naivete, but what is the [original] song?

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          The Pina Colada Song, a seventies slap in the face that rivals It’s A Small World for annoyingness.(Is that a word? It should be.)

        3. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          However, in terms of f*cking awesome old music, nothing will EVER top “Safety Dance”.
          You can dance if you want to…
          I was reading The Crucible out loud in class the other day, and instead of reading the “You allow you women to dance?!” line, I opted for “You can dance if you want to!”

      10. bunnymuffin Avatar
        bunnymuffin

        Super. Now as I pummel the keyboard on the way to my daily word count I am typing in rhythm to “If you like penis collages!” (Exclamation mine because, “OMG! PENIS COLLAGES!”) and giggling hysterically in an empty room. Mother warned me this would happen one day when I started making my own friends.

        I really missed 37, I hope he sees this.

      11. marn Avatar
        marn

        *snork*

  9. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    If I were a waitress in the town where 37 lived, I would be toast. I am some sort of ‘weird stalker-man’ magnet. With my luck he’d have me duck-taped in the trunk of his car after I made the mistake of giving him a refill on his drink.

    1. mudslicker Avatar
      mudslicker

      Why can I not get Pulp Fiction and the vision of Honey Bunny taking a firing stance on the diner table out of my head with all these posts?

      Jules: Yolanda, I thought you said you were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherf***ers get scared, that’s when motherf***ers accidentally get shot.

      Yolanda: You just know, you touch him, you die.

      Jules: Well, that seems to be the situation. But I don’t want that. And you don’t want that. And m4w-37 Ringo here *definitely* doesn’t want that.

      Yolanda: I’m gonna be cool. I’ll just go over and assemble my penis collage and take a deep snort of the paste….

      …in Soviet Russia…

    2. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
      Igor the Vigorous

      Sarajean, I’d move to your town just to prove you right.

      And ’cause Igor liketh matherth and their boobieth.

    3. Em M. Avatar
      Em M.

      *shudder* Yeah, I’m definitely a creeper magnet too. Oh, the stories I could tell…

  10. Mimi Avatar
    Mimi

    Once upon a time I tried to be sympathetic towards Mr. 37 and his complete social ineptitude. But there’s no hope. He’s just plain creepy!

    1. isaac Avatar
      isaac

      Just as a point of fact: has he been “37” all along? For how long? Will be be “38” a year from now?

      I am new to the 37 phenomenon.

  11. Heather Avatar
    Heather

    “Missed Connections” are always good for a laugh. They are so vague that I wonder that any of these ever come to fruition (probably they don’t). I mean, when the post reads “I was that guy at McDonald’s and you were a girl and looked at me, let’s get together,” one has to pause. Could I be that lucky girl? OH PLEASE *fingers crossed*

    1. isaac Avatar
      isaac

      Guys, have I already posted a link to this book of comics based on Missed Connections posts that a friend and I contributed a piece to?

      It’s a pretty good book.

  12. tacomagic Avatar
    tacomagic

    I think these posts also deserve a tag: “The human race is doomed” if only because that was my first, depressing thought.

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      There is a “humanity is doomed” tag …

      1. tacomagic Avatar
        tacomagic

        I thought I remembered there being one, but my brain hasn’t been working so well lately. I blame the schools.

  13. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Tell me what type of gas I was pumping, so I know it’s you, and not some crazy lady reading this and pretending to be you.

    1. Heather Avatar
      Heather

      87 Octane? 89? Am I getting warm?

    2. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      He seems to have lowered his standards, now he’s just hoping something vaguely female replies.

      1. Heather Avatar
        Heather

        The phrase “vaguely female” frightens and disturbs me.

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          I can’t help but think he’s got an inflatable “girlfriend” (a la Lars and the Real Girl) that he practices “talking” to.

        2. SoundsLikeVla Avatar
          SoundsLikeVla

          I’ve met some “vaguely females” before but my husband and I could’ve been wrong. They may have been vaguely male….I felt defeated during the one time I initiated conversation and the introduction of a gender neutral name and the adrogenous voice foiled ultimate gender detection. C’est la vie…

        3. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          “I can’t help but think he’s got an inflatable “girlfriend” (a la Lars and the Real Girl) that he practices “talking” to.”

          What’s wrong with that, Sarajean?
          😛

  14. neverfirst Avatar
    neverfirst

    It’s increasingly evident that the name of this stellar and enlightening blog should be shortened from “You Suck at Craigslist” to just “You Suck”. Lower and lower humanity (that is humanity with an internet connection) sinks until Sartre is proven: Hell is other people. “Exactly what it says on the tin” is perfect. Oh, and I was at the Hess gas station – holla back!

    1. Jinx Avatar
      Jinx

      Now that Weasel from Why Women Hate Men blog is disappeared, YSaC is my next best hope after A Bad Case of the Dates to remind myself how MUCH I adore my hubby!

      Can’t be me, I was at Arco!

      1. bunnymuffin Avatar
        bunnymuffin

        I miss Weasel. Enjoyed both of those sites.

  15. ainebegonia Avatar
    ainebegonia

    I keep thinking that the reason Billy did not go over and get a phone number is because he was busy robbing the gas station.

  16. Fraulein N Avatar
    Fraulein N

    Even if I were desperate enough to respond to one of these things, my brain just STOPPED, flat out, at “should of came over.” I mean, yes the rest is clearly ridiculous, but I just can’t get past the “should of.” Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    Also, I’m sort of creepily reassured that 37 is still out there somewhere, plugging away at his own little pick-up technique, that he will be forever and always that creep who “hope the girl see this.” Not that I’d want to see him in real life, mind you; like sarajean80 I seem to be some sort of creeper magnet.

    1. arallyn Avatar
      arallyn

      I am so glad that I am not the only one that went *headdesk* when I saw that! I am a grammar Nazi in recovery (meaning I’m still one at heart, but my friends hate it so much that I try to hide it) and I could not help but yell to my boyfriend that this guy used that horrible phrase.

      Of course, when he came over, he was more like, “WTF are you concerned about grammar? This guy is an effing creeper!”. Typical.

    2. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Glad I’m not the only one with the attract-a-creep gene.

      It could have been worse, he could have used the dreaded “shuda”.

      1. My Evil Twin Avatar
        My Evil Twin

        I wish I had that gene so I could attract myself.

        Just kidding… sort of.

      2. Jami_no_e Avatar
        Jami_no_e

        I think I have that gene too. I have some fantasticly creepy stories about guys who are like 37 and Billy… And come to think of it, they all involve the internet too. *shudder*

      3. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        Just be glad you don’t have the I-look-like-a-fucking-creeper-unintentionally-by-standing-or-even-when-I-sleep gene. I don’t know where the hell it got into the code, but some people I don’t know are damned scared of me for no good reason…

    3. Tankerbell Avatar
      Tankerbell

      Me, too. The rest of the post could’ve included entirely correct punctuation, spelling, grammar, my license plate and social security number, and the information that 37 is a gozillionaire with MALETRAITS 1-673, and I still wouldn’t want the girl to be me.

  17. Heather Avatar
    Heather

    “Missed Connections” has taught me a valuable life lesson: eye contact may be misconstrued. Horribly, horribly misconstrued. My apologies should I happen to bump into any of you whilst I walk around with my head down toward the pavement for the rest of my life.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I learned that long ago. As a receptionist I have learned that an innocent “Hello!” often sounds a lot like “Please come stand too close to my desk and stare at me.” or “I badly want to hear your entire life story, including everything about that persistent rash you brought back from vacation, but I’m too shy to ask.”

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        Really? It’s NOT what you mean? 😉

        One bit o’ eye contact from me entices giggles and “OMG! That guy is totally hot for you! creepy! He looks so sad, like WTF?”
        One day, the response shall be “Oi! I can hear yeh! Keep it down! I’m depressed because you’re my age but you’re all immature idiots, and I only ever make eye contact by accident!”

    2. Lola Avatar
      Lola

      When I was 18 – 20, I worked in a grocery store on the main road through town when not at college. I was young, thin, and better looking than I gave myself credit for a the time. My mere existence there as a person PAID to wait on other people meant that any skeevy guy coming through felt that I was there for their benefit – e.g., talk to/hit on, ogle, etc.
      After finishing college and grad school I specifically focused on the areas in my field that don’t involve dealing with the public. Corporations and firms have sexual harrassment regulations. All these years later, I still know I made the right choice.

      If there had been widespread internet as we know it today back then, I can just imagine a posting:

      Redneck, 29, m4f
      You wer the cute lil girl.In the store.Wearn a uniforrm.Sold me a rack of Ol Millwakee n pack a corn dogs n sum dog choww n a cardon of Camels no filter.I flirded with you last Thursday.You smlied at me.wanna date

      1. Heather Avatar
        Heather

        Hee hee. “Smlied.”

      2. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        Christ. Some people…
        I just act shy and try not to look, if someone is good looking/attractive. Head down, get out fast and you don’t have time to embarrass yourself..

      3. Jinx Avatar
        Jinx

        I was the cashier in a gun store in the early 90’s. I met ALL kinds of men. Strangely, the ‘creepy’ ones never came in there…. Or maybe I scared them polite…

        Of course, I ended up with the worst of all the ones that came in there… pathological liar….

      4. Cled Avatar
        Cled

        Way back in the past, soon after we had chopped up the old covered wagon for firewood, when I was 16 years old, I lied and said I was 18 so I could get a job at Burger King. We wore white nurse’s uniforms, a clear plastic apron printed with little red kings and yellow cardboard tiaras as crowns.

        *brief pause while I cringe at the humiliating memory*

        Now, I don’t see how that get-up could possibly ring anyone’s chimes, but you can’t imagine the sheer numbers of creepy middle-aged guys who bellied up to my register smirking, “Hey babe, will you do it my way, heh-heh”.

        Ewwwwwwwwww.

  18. Rick Avatar
    Rick

    Why do I get the feeling Mr. 37’s number isn’t his age, but the number of women buried in his backyard or basement…

  19. Coco Avatar
    Coco

    Oh dear. Poor 37 must have a pretty terrifying mug if he thinks it’s memorable enough to stick out in the hostess’s mind during the lunch rush at Fatz. Perhaps being slightly more specific would help:

    “hey, remember me. the guy with the real metal spikes planted in my head and the tattoos of lizard scales. covering my shiny bald skull. i saw you staring. you know you should of come talk to me.”

    Of course, on the off chance Sexy Hostess just doesn’t dig whole-head lizard tats, he’s hedged his bets by reaching out to any available warm body. Next week, expectations will probably be lowered to “If you’ve only been dead for a few hours, but you’re still a hot girl I ordered food from that one time, let’s hook up.”*

    *Tigprincess is right. It was just too painful to try and imitate the style a second time.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Anyone looking for a fellow with embedded metal spikes and a whole-head lizard scale tat would probably turn to CraigsList. Poor 37 is probably just as bland as … I don’t know, wallpaper paste? (Don’t want to offend anyone who likes vanilla, which was my first thought.)

      1. Ed Snyder Avatar
        Ed Snyder

        You don’t harbor such concerns about offending those of us who love wallpaper paste, though. Hmmppphh!

        1. isaac Avatar
          isaac

          In Soviet Russia, wallpaper paste licks you!

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Sorry, Ed. I apologise for offending your paste-eating sensibilities.

          Hey, isaac, do you know where I can pick up some Soviet Russian wallpaper paste? For…research purposes? Just curious.

        3. Ed Snyder Avatar
          Ed Snyder

          I’m pretty sure that readers here know that I’m joking–no intervention necessary. Granted that on the Internet-at-large a tongue-in-cheek tag is a necessity.

      2. Coco Avatar
        Coco

        Hm. You’re probably right.

        This might be closer:

        “I was the nondescript little man with a bad complexion and beady little eyes who will later be described as ‘such a quiet man’ by my neighbors after my yard is dug up by the local police.”

        *shudder*

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Yes, exactly! That’s the first thing the neighbors say.
          “He was so quiet.”
          It’s always the quiet ones you have to watch.

          And clowns. I don’t like clowns.

          And those nuts who name their automatic rifles and have an inordinate fondness for knives and camoflage.

          Really, just anyone these days.

        2. Ed Snyder Avatar
          Ed Snyder

          Ah crud, I forgot the “Soviet Russia-meme-to-annoy-Igor-thingy” today. Thanks for keeping it going, Isaac.

          And SaraJean, I didn’t say I eat the paste. I just really like the smell.

        3. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Is there such a thing as paste-huffing? Should we, your anonymous internet friends, be concerned for your safety and well-being?

          (I personally have a secret passion for the smell of Play-Doh.)

        4. My Evil Twin Avatar
          My Evil Twin

          Hey, I’m “such a quiet man”, but you won’t find any bodies buried in MY back yard.

          …damned tree roots.

        5. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          I’m quiet, but I don’t kill people.

          not on purpose….

        6. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          Damned laptop with broken circuit board! It hits “enter” on the site if I put too much pressure just under the keyboard, around the sides of the mouse. -Wink wink-

          Anyway, it was supposed to say “not on purpose… they just make the voices stop if i do……”

    2. mudslicker Avatar
      mudslicker

      @Ed Snyder & isaac:

      I think I’ve found the perfect replacement for my “in bed” refrain after each fortune cookie reading. From now on:

      “Sometimes the object of a journey is not the end, but the journey itself….

      ….in Soviet Russia”

      1. My Evil Twin Avatar
        My Evil Twin

        In Soviet Russia, the journey ends you?

      2. Jinx Avatar
        Jinx

        You are known for your sense of fashion …. in Soviet Russia

        None of the secrets of success will work unless you do …. in Soviet Russia

        The first step to better times is to imagine them …. in Soviet Russia

        The skills you have gathered will one day come in handy …. in Soviet Russia

        Every excess becomes a vice …. in Soviet Russia

        Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded … in Soviet Russia

        Keep in close touch with what your competition is doing … in Soviet Russia

        You will be wise not to seek too much from others … in Soviet Russia

        Something you lost will soon turn up … in Soviet Russia

        Your lucky numbers: 37

        OMG, that is TOO GOOD! LOL!

        1. mudslicker Avatar
          mudslicker

          Yes..I’m pretty much ruined.

          From now on, I will be seen silently chuckling in my booth at the local Golden China after breaking open that crinkly plastic bag containing my ice-cream-cone-like-cookie-delight. I will murmur the words “..in Soviet Russia” after reading the Nostradamian quote and then…I’ll realize sadly that there will be no one around to appreciate the spectrum of wisdom in those words (just the “in bed” people).

          And then visions of wallpaper paste and Igor cursing his laptop keyboard will pop briefly in my head.

          Ah yes, there it is finally, happy ending indeed!

          I gain strength in envisioning this scenario happening similarly to Jinxy sometime/somewhere because Misery loves Company (..in Soviet Russia!).

          *cheeky grin ‘cuz don’t tell me you won’t be thinking this too*

          Regards,

          mudsy

  20. Stephanie Avatar
    Stephanie

    Give him another try?! He didn’t even try the first time around!

    1. Fraulein N Avatar
      Fraulein N

      I think he counts the staring as “trying.”

      1. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        I’ve dated one of those.

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Me too.
          He was also big on pointing when the staring didn’t work.
          And doing that head-jerk thing towards the bedroom door while grunting what could only be translated as “Yant ta?”.
          Such a prize.

        2. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          I once went on a blind date with someone who I strongly suspect had Aspergers. There was a LOT of staring. At me. As if I were a TV.
          We had only one date.

          Sarajean: a friend of mine had to quickly train her now-husband when they were first dating and he had a (possibly Italian) hand gesture (one hand hitting the other in a certain way) that implied sex; she trained him NOT to do that right away because she found it so offputting. Though he’ll do it occasionally as a joke. He had enough redeeming qualities it was worth the retraining.

        3. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          This one wasn’t worth training, althought the thought of him wearing a shock collar does have a certain appeal…

        4. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          I could use some retraining…
          Do you guys have a memory wipe and brain hard-reformatting system by any chance?

  21. Cyrus Avatar
    Cyrus

    It’s the “She gave me a smile and said ‘hello’ which means she totally likes me” syndrome.

    “I saw you at McDonalds. Hot body. Was eating a big mac and licking your lips towards me. Our eyes met a few times. Then you got up and rushed out once I smiled at you. Let me know which McDonalds it was so I know it was you.”

    I’m sure she wasn’t just looking at your creepy bald head and child molester glasses/mustache combo.

  22. Monica Hamburg Avatar
    Monica Hamburg

    Hi, I was in the bathroom at the gas station before you. Call me?

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      “After you” would be very slightly worse.

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        “Beside you” would be even worse.

        1. Heather Avatar
          Heather

          “If you can tell me what my shoes looked like as they poked out from under the stall” would be even worse than that…

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Heather wins!

          The only thing I could think of that would be worse;
          “That rustling in your bushes while you’re reading this? That’s me.”

  23. Ladycrim Avatar
    Ladycrim

    My favorite part is how 37 keeps switching between using “she” and “you” when describing the hostess.

    Or maybe they’re two different girls. “SHE was very pretty and sexy and nice, but really, I’d like to get to know YOU more.”

    Also, I wonder if 37’s real name is Howard Wallowitz …

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Aw, I like Howard. He’s cute in a geeky, clueless-about-women way. This might ruin Big Bang Theory for me.

      1. Ed Snyder Avatar
        Ed Snyder

        I love Howard’s clothes and would like to start dressing like him. Except that I’d probably never actually get the courage to leave the house dressed like that.

        1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          I’ll do it, if someone tells me what he dresses like.

          I’ll wear anything bizarre out of the house, really.

      2. MissBeckett Avatar
        MissBeckett

        One of my husbands friends looks like Howard, but is slightly better with girls!

  24. Emsy Avatar
    Emsy

    Note to self: never make eye contact with anybody ever again.

    1. My Evil Twin Avatar
      My Evil Twin

      I’ve spent most of my life trying to learn to get myself to look people in the eyes (for some bizarre reason, people think it means random stuff like paying attention, trustworthiness, and interest). I’ve been told several times by my parents that I should pay more attention to little ways people behave to “show interest in me” (I was chastised once because a “cute girl sidled up next to me” in the audience of a fair show and I didn’t notice. According to them, she was “clearly” interested in me — she may have been, but I fail to see how standing next to me in a crowd is any indication).

      It occurs to me, however, that in my attempts to translate and assimilate this quite frankly ridiculous behaviour, I have given off “signals” I hadn’t intended, and misinterpreted ones that they may or may not have been sending (though, usually, I just ignore them and wonder what it actually meant). Which brings me to this: women generally think guys are clueless because they don’t seem to notice “obvious” signals (so I imagine I must drive them bloody nuts), but to my mind the signals seem relative to the [internal] intent of the signaler. For example, one of the things that really bugs me is the whole idea of “fighting for someone” (in the sense of A having left B, and B trying to get A back even when they are trying to be with C); it seems to be a good thing, except when it isn’t, which you’ll only know after you’re either back with the person or have made a right bleeding nuisance of yourself. Really, they are fighting for themself, not the other person.

      OK, I’m done ranting for now. Ah, yes, that’s better.

      Anyway, yeah, that guy (37) is just a sleezy ‘ho (ho’? ‘ho’?).
      To be needlessly fair to the gas station guy, we don’t know that they didn’t have some sort of conversation from their relative positions at their vehicles.

      Guy: Is that a Camaro?

      Girl: What? Uh… I don’t know.

      Guy: ‘Cause I really like Camaros.

      Girl: Uh, OK.

      Guy: Must be a nice ride.

      Girl: It’s alright, I guess.

      Guy: I wish I had a Camaro.

      Girl: Yeah, OK, it says here that its a Honda.

      Guy: Oh… Hondas are cool, too… Yeah, I really like Hondas.

      1. Ed Snyder Avatar
        Ed Snyder

        Yeah, I’ve had that same problem in life with being totally oblivious to the millions of girls/women who have been into me.

        1. isaac Avatar
          isaac

          Only millions? I have been oblivious to tens of millions of interested ladies. Maybe nearly a hundred million. I lose count.

      2. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        From a woman’s point of view, the whole “signal” thing is not any easier on our end. That’s why I prefer staying home and watching reruns of Robot Chicken with my cats.

        1. Ed Snyder Avatar
          Ed Snyder

          It’s true. Cats seldom send mixed signals and in the rare event that you misinterpret a switching tail, you end up with 4 or 5 (depending on the cat) parallel scratches on your arm–or maybe an infected bite.

      3. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        Really? I just assume that EVERYONE is interested in this.
        Not really.
        I prefer my computer, pet rabbit, snack goldfish, life cereal, chocolate desserts, fruit and muffins over people by such a large margin it frightens me sometimes… Always worried about screwing up, eh?

        1. arallyn Avatar
          arallyn

          Igor, I think you may be the male incarnation of me. My parents said I was a twin when i was conceived but one died…THEY MUST HAVE LIED.

        2. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          That would be so awesome…
          Of course, I’d ask obnoxious questions like “Is having boobies awesome?”, so I’m not sure you’d wish you had a twin eventually… 😛

        3. tigprincess Avatar
          tigprincess

          Igor, what is a “snack goldfish”? (hoping its a breed rather than a live, Omega-3 food source).

          arallyn (1) great avatar and (2) To quote Peter Cook “Sadly I was an only twin”

      4. Emsy Avatar
        Emsy

        The art of seduction is good in theory but usually ends in a mess. It seems that people are either oblivious to real signals from truly interested parties, or (like our good friend 37) are so desperate that they interpret general acknowledgement as if it were tantamount to a marriage proposal. Is there no happy-medium? Are we going to be forced to just telling people how we feel? Yikes!

        I’m just glad that at least he keeps his advances confined to Craigslist and doesn’t actually approach these women with his psychotic ramblings. The world would be short on waitresses, I think.

  25. Count Blah Avatar
    Count Blah

    WTF is wrong with 37, posting an ad for one girl but then pretty much expanding it to include all women everywhere? How big a loser do you have to be to think this will work?

    Even if he DIDN’T sound like a creepy mofo, no chick wants to go out with a guy who is literally soliciting a date from whoever will have him. We want to feel like a dude has singled us out from the rest of the pack because we’re clearly much more awesome.

    1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
      Igor the Vigorous

      I always thought you were a dude, for some reason.
      Don’t judge me! “Blah” reminds me of my guy friends.

      Anyway, I’m probably getting close to a fail-ad on CL…
      My qualifications would be thus:
      -Not “intellectually challenged.”
      -Has a sense of humor. Does not matter which kind, but responding with “lol” is a definite turn-off.
      -Will not mention Twilight 24/7 and/or make me want to bang my head against a wall talking about how perfect Edward/Jacob are, despite the fact that I rationally argue that they are abusive.
      -Not a Wapanese.
      -Is not a sealed steel casket in terms of emotions. IE, has them.
      -Not flat, nor covered in zits. (I know, seems douchey, but I’m willing to admit it because…. Well, it’s true.)

      Does anybody know if that affliction goes away with growth, or whether they still make this model anymore? 😉

      1. Ed Snyder Avatar
        Ed Snyder

        Igor, look at her avatar–obviously female.

      2. arallyn Avatar
        arallyn

        Igor, I know that that model is still around. However, as it is more unpopular than the more common and glitzy models, you frequently have to search the back of the storeroom to find one. Or get a salesman to search for you, though the model may refuse to come out if you send someone else to fetch it. When not in a back storeroom, the model is known to associate with others of its kind in small, tight-knit groups, as being “friends” with every person it comes across is not in its typical nature.

        I would refer you to many of my single friends, but I don’t think that any of them are into statutory 😉

        1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          Oh, they will be.
          MUAHAHA!
          Sorry. I was working on that all day on Halloween and didn’t get to use it because the people on my block are super old and I didn’t want to give them a heart attack.
          (By the way, as long as they’re not recording it, I’m actually legal for all ages now in MA.)

        2. arallyn Avatar
          arallyn

          18 is the age of consent in WI and MN soooooo a group of 21-22 year olds could get in a lot of trouble because of you 😛

          EDIT: Apparently AoC in MN is 16. So you could seduce my friends across the river (only about 15 miles away or so….) and you’d all be fine 😉

          Sidenote: What’s wrong with giving old people heart attacks? If their constitution is that frail, maybe their body is saying something xD

        3. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          All three paragraphs there deserve a big, fat, hug and win sticker.
          Instead, I’m going to read Pratchett, go to sleep, then wake up and eat Goldfish while watching Criminal Minds later.

        4. Fraulein N Avatar
          Fraulein N

          “Or get a salesman to search for you, though the model may refuse to come out if you send someone else to fetch it.”

          Ha! Love it.

      3. Lola Avatar
        Lola

        I say go for it if everyone is legal. When I was 34 I had a thing for about 8 months with this English 18-19 yo who was on his gap year. (I wasn’t his first – she’d been 41, and had a son his age; for real!) We’re still friends (as in just-friends, not friends with benefits). Good times!

        1. arallyn Avatar
          arallyn

          See, that’s all well and good Lola; I have two dude friends (both 23) who go cougar hunting at the bars every weekend and usually get women above 40. But I also used to be involved with a guy who had a girlfriend who was 13 when they started dating and he was 20…THAT creeps me out. He would always say “You just don’t understand. I’m the only one who understands her. You’re trying to get in the way of true love”. So pretty much everything the dudes those old child molester commercials said.

          Dude or woman, child molestation is wrong D:

          Though…I don’t know how far 16 can be construed as a child. All a matter of mindset, I suppose. My fiance is best friends with some guy that acts like a child and he’s 24. >_>

        2. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          arallyn –
          Yeah, the 13 or 14 yo who has a boyfriend who’s more than a couple of years older is a skeevy thing. I went to school with a girl whose boyfriend, when she was 14, was 20 or 21. Even at that age (never mind 20+ years later), I knew that situation was ick. More than 20 years later, and old enough to have a daughter that age (though I don’t), I know for sure it’s a creepy mess.
          But someone who is old enough to vote, join the military and make other adult decisions? (18, not 16.) He didn’t act like a child in my case, which was part of the attraction. In fact, in England, apparently the AoC for both is 16, and I think they can drink then, too. That still seems a little young to me, though …

        3. Count Blah Avatar
          Count Blah

          COUGAR HIGH FIVE for Lola! *slap*

          Almost every boy I’ve dated in the last few years has been 19-25 (I’m 34). So far, none of them ever turned serious (I think the young’uns just don’t have the life experience to “get” me on a deep level). But oh man were they pretty…

          The age of consent here in Canada is 16, apparently, but I know that some places stipulate the age of one’s partner as well…i.e. if someone is 16-17 they’re allowed to have sex only with someone who’s within two years of their age. Not sure if that’s the case here, or even where I’d go to find that out.

          Interestingly, it’s not (always) that I was specifically seeking out someone way younger. It just happened. I used to be on a dating website and seriously, every time I’d browse profiles and think a guy seemed cute and interesting and funny, I’d check his age and he’d turn out to be 22.

        4. Count Blah Avatar
          Count Blah

          Typo. I’m *36*. Not that it’s relevant.

      4. tigprincess Avatar
        tigprincess

        Igor – they do make them, some of my best friends are them and some others too. As for AoC – travel my friend. Its 16 here in the UK and 14 in Spain (good Catholic country!).
        Lola – Yea to toyboys! it only becomes mildly embarassing when you both share the same birthday and he reveals that he’ll be 1/2 your age (oopps!) and why is it OK for guys but not for gals?

        1. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          Tig, I only had the one, but yay for toyboys, definitely! My last bf was also significantly younger (about 10 years), but it was kind of great b/c no one seemed to think this was all that strange (I’m also told I don’t look my age, which, if true, may have something to do with it). And nobody called me a cougar, either, since it’s not like I make a point or habit of it – both just kind of happened. All of my best female friends (most of whom are married) were all “All right!” about it. It may be that the social view of this is slowly changing? At least among women? … Or maybe I just have nice, supportive friends.

        2. Meredith Avatar
          Meredith

          I have a profile on OkCupid, and 90% of the men who show interest are at least 8 years younger than me. They either want to date someone older, or don’t realize the age difference.

          Perhaps it’s because I state my love of comic books and video games. Or because I look about ten years younger than I am. People confuse me for my co-worker…she’s 19.

          Yay me!!!

          Anyway, my experience is that the age isn’t a factor to a point. I’ve always preferred younger guys who were mature for their age. It meant they were usually mature for MY age, too. But still held the interests of a younger age group.

      5. Count Blah Avatar
        Count Blah

        Ah. No wonder you ignored all my flirting. 😀

        What I observe about guys is that they want a woman with certain personality traits but they still want her to look like a Barbie doll. Maybe if you can’t find the kind of chick you want, Igor, it’s because you’re looking at the wrong demographic (but also? Most 16yo girls are idiots and you’ll probably do way better with someone a bit older).

        An example of what I mean by the looks vs. personality thing: I’ve seen guys bitch and rant that women are all shallow and only care about how much money the guy makes and what kind of car he drives. Which is weird to me because none of MY friends are like that and neither am I…but it almost always turns out that these guys are exclusively pursuing women with a certain look (long and probably fake nails, long and probably fake hair, a tan that’s probably not from the sun, kinda slutty clothes, etc.). A woman who spends an inordinate amount of time on her appearance is OBVIOUSLY going to be superficial. And she’ll probably want a guy with lots of money to help support her compulsive tanning habits.

        Chances are some cute hippie girl in a caftan or goth girl with a shaved head won’t give a flying fuck what kind of car a guy drives…but the guys who whine about superficial women ironically would never go for those girls because they’re not conventionally sexy enough.

      6. Alice Avatar
        Alice

        Damn. I was going to reply to Igor, but then I read ”statutory”. Then I read ”Terry Pratchet”, and thought ”Screw it. I’ll just have him come to Brazil, where legal age is 14”.

  26. casualencounters.com/blog Avatar
    casualencounters.com/blog

    My skin is crawling. Ewwww.

    Re: your Adsense rectangle making 0.07/day, incidentally. Considered a banner at the very top and/or in between the posts? I hear they do a bit better.

    Also you might want to consider hocking related merchandise, though hard to think what might qualify. You were trying t-shirts at one point, right?

    People being people and the Internet being the Internet, I doubt your donations are rocking out too hard, and it would be a calamity if this site ended up having to fold: it’s so great!

    1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
      Igor the Vigorous

      In between the posts?

      And the T-shirts were just something we were asking for, Casualencounters.com/blog 😉
      Look at what is probably the last thing drmk says in that forum segment.

    2. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Meh. It’s made a whole $.01 cent today! I’d rather have it earn less and be less obtrusive, than to sport ads all over the site.

      Actually, the donation button has been more effective — folks have generously donated sums ranging from $1 to $20 (THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!), which all goes directly to server/hosting costs.

      Reconsidering t-shirts, but I refuse to use Zazzle based on the way they lied to me and treated me previously, so I’m still looking for other options. It’s been on the backburner because of real-life stuff (I mention this in the forums; go look!), but it’s still a possibility.

      Overall, I’m not actually looking to earn money. I’ve turned down several offers to sell the site, in fact, because it’s not why I started this darn thing. I started it to amuse myself and others, and I hope that that’s what I’m doing. The ads & donation button are just there to help me recoup my hosting costs.

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        Drmk, A) I know you won’t, because you’re my FAVORITE web boss, but don’t ever ever ever ever sell this site.
        Give it to your kids.
        If they die, give it to….. Me.
        Or someone who’s funnier and younger.
        How much are they offering?
        B) I wouldn’t mind a banner, but going for between-post banners is just a low blow.

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          I’m with Igor on this one. I could ignore a banner ad if it meant keeping one of my favorite sites in the llama-nun and ostrich/emu’s hands.

        2. dan Avatar
          dan

          I dunno, drmk.. do you think our cat could handle the site? I can just picture trying to explain it to her:

          “OK, cat, now click the ‘edit post’ button”
          “Quack?” (Yes, our cat quacks… don’t ask)
          “Now make sure you’re using the HTML editor”
          “Quack?”
          “No, stupid cat, that’s XML.”

      2. drmk Avatar
        drmk

        She’d put ads for kibble all over the site.

        1. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          It’s established and freely admitted that sarajean80 and I are cat lovers. There may be others. Speaking for myself, I wouldn’t mind kibble ads.

        2. arallyn Avatar
          arallyn

          Dan, you made me literally laugh out loud. I NEVER do that. I want to see a post by your cat.

        3. bunnymuffin Avatar
          bunnymuffin

          Kibble ads are good, I’d even possibly purchase kibble from such ads just so I could watch the Feline Overlord spit them across the room and waltz away in disgust. Because that never fails to amuse me.

      3. LurkRealClose Avatar
        LurkRealClose

        I am amused by your site. Just in case you were wondering.

      4. Count Blah Avatar
        Count Blah

        What did Zazzle do to you, drmk? I was thinking of using them for my own entrepreneurial thing but if they’re a bunch of douches then I won’t.

        1. drmk Avatar
          drmk

          I put some YSaC shirts up for sale through them, and they cancelled all of the orders without any explanation. When I finally pressed them, they said that there had been a copyright complaint.

          I asked to see a copy of the complaint, and kept asking, and they finally admitted that there hadn’t been a complaint, and they’d just pulled the shirts and the store I’d created because they were afraid there might be a complaint.

          I had a long conversation with them about fair use and parody, and they weren’t interested. I mean, I understand the CYA mentality, but this was kind of ridiculous.

      5. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

        Although selling would probably be a beneficial move for you, I really appreciate you keeping it “just family” so to speak.

      6. Coco Avatar
        Coco

        I was so excited to find YSaC and NOT have to deal with a billion little blinky ads extolling the virtues of odd shoes, overpriced dresses, and bizarre little toys.

        Plus I adore all the hilarity here, of course.

        Count me in for a donation.

  27. Mrphysic Avatar
    Mrphysic

    THRIFT STORE – M4W

    I came over to get my tapes back (which you bought from the thrift store)should have got your phone number. If you liked what you saw, how about giving me a try? Could u tell me where my private birth mark was placed 2 let me know it’s u?

  28. French N Stuff Avatar
    French N Stuff

    I know when I send text messages using shorthand saves characters since most phones/carriers have texting limits, but is it really that hard to type out full words when posting on a web site? Is it necessary to use 2 and U in place of actual words? I’ve seen long diatribes on craigslist and wished for a word limit, but alas there is none.

    And for Pete’s sake 37, there is a space bar on your keyboard, please use it! You’re killing my eyes!

    Maybe this is a sign that I am just getting old? Are there other people on the internet that feel this way?

    1. LurkRealClose Avatar
      LurkRealClose

      Yes. I have the hardest time using twitter, because I keep wanting to write in full sentences, with two spaces after the period, and that’s really not the point.

  29. Ed Snyder Avatar
    Ed Snyder

    “looking for a good girl (but hoping for a bad one).”

    1. bunnymuffin Avatar
      bunnymuffin

      Ed, from the looks of those adorable dumplings I’d say you got one with a little of both. 🙂

      1. Ed Snyder Avatar
        Ed Snyder

        Actually, the one on the left is my son and the one on the right is my grandson.

  30. Mrphysic Avatar
    Mrphysic

    Actually – that first post is a work of genius. There must be a host of desperate women out there who naively think that this is referring to their ‘missed gas station opportunity’. So this guy can just watch the e-mails pour in and say “Yes – that was me!!! LOL – we shud meet up”. His weekends will never be empty again. truly a god amongst men.

    This ranks up there with the craigslist ad asking for $1 tickets……..to an unspecified event.

  31. arallyn Avatar
    arallyn

    Women who are truly desperate are those that don’t leave the house or have zero social skills…I’m no looker, but even I can get men to flock around me just by having chest hams…

    1. Lola Avatar
      Lola

      I think a stacked torso with no head or limbs could get attention (from a certain type of male, at least) by virtue of being well-endowed. In fact, some men would probably prefer that. No head – can’t talk back; no limbs – can’t get away. And doesn’t deflate.

      1. arallyn Avatar
        arallyn

        That’s when you get a medically accurate teaching torso. Or just buy a CPR training dummy and install the parts you want…glue some hams on the chest…actually, I think some guys would prefer that. Stacked! And tasty!

        1. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          Somewhere, some guy is making one of these … if he hasn’t already.

          And when he’s “done” with it (gets a live girlfriend, who he doesn’t have to pay), he’ll sell it on CL. With fresh hams, presumably.

        2. Mrphysic Avatar
          Mrphysic

          Shopping list 5th Nov:

          Milk
          Eggs
          Potatoes
          1 shop mannequin
          Newspaper
          Chips
          HackSaw
          breadsticks
          Hams (x 2)
          Glue
          vaseline
          thankyou notes + envelopes (for Lola and Arallyn)

      2. dan Avatar
        dan

        So basically, you’re talking about the Venus de Milo?

        1. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          Exactly, now that you put it that way. Only not, you know, in stone.

        2. Mrphysic Avatar
          Mrphysic

          hmmmm – reflecting now on whether this masterpiece was actually originally conceived by a sexually frustrated sculptor in the days before blow up dolls……supermarket hams…..and vaseline…

          We live in a golden age people

          (p.s. In Soviet Russia – armless torso with hams screws you)

  32. Meredith Avatar
    Meredith

    I’ve now spent the past two days absentmindedly singing “If you like penis collages….”

    It wasn’t appropriate at work, I realised.

    1. Ed Snyder Avatar
      Ed Snyder

      You may not want to type “penis collage” into Google Image Search with the safesearch-off option–unless you’re into that sort of thing. Warning, it is definitely NSFW. (For some reason there is a collage of womens’ parts on there, too.)

      1. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        No joke…lmao. And I don’t write that unless I HAVE to.

        seriously…lmao.

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