YSaC, Vol. 474: Pam and Tommy ain’t got nothin’ on this one.
To the person who donated the camcorder to the thrift store.
It came with a few tapes and one of the tapes is a homemade sex tape. I am wondering if you want it back. the person in the video’s also has a video of a classic musle car in the garage. and videos at the beach. a video showing everything in the house even themself in a mirror and the wife. video of the kids. I didn’t watch the full sex tape but i could see the wife laying with nothing on touching herself and I hit stop. you are lucky someone nice got this. I know some people would put the video online.
Implied subtext: That’s a really nice sex tape you’ve got there. I’d hate for anything to happen to that sex tape of yours. Sure, some people would put that sex video online. But I never would. Unless you offer me money not to. That’s just how nice I am.
The moral of today’s story: don’t donate videos to the thrift store! And if you do … well, don’t.
Thanks for this listing, Rebecca!
“I didn’t watch the full sex tape”
Let’s be honest: who does??? I mean seriously, if you watch a tape like that, and it “get’s the job done” so to speak, do you then sit there and watch to see if the plot get’s resolved? Do Thor and Tiffany Ta Ta’s defy their parent’s wishes and run off together? Does Dr. McLawsuit find happiness with
Nurse
Innapropriate-Attire-For-A-Work-Enviroment??? Who the hell cares???
What he’s saying is: “I didn’t watch the full sex tape. Just enough”.
At least he was nice enough not to include his scathing critique on the tape. I mean with his homemade collection, I’m sure their little tape has plenty of competition.
“She seems very conscious, even lucid, and yet her hands and feet are not bound. In my experience, this is not a realistic portrayal of sex at all.”
‘He’?
Am I the only one who read the ad and heard a bemused, bespectacled, greyhaired, knitted-sweater-with-kitten-appliqués-wearing lady who works 3 hours a week at the thrift store on the corner?
Well, it’s funnier that way anyway.
Oh, and I’m BAAAAAAAAAACK.
Sadly, I had to question my ethical code. Would I have posted it on youtube? hmmm…
Llama Nun- Web Boss: Implied subtext: That’s a really nice sex tape you’ve got there. I’d hate for anything to happen to that sex tape of yours.
And… oh, yes! I almost forgot. I have seen all the valuables in your home, your “classic musle car” *, your wife (snicker-snicker), your kids at the beach, and I know what you look like. Feeling nice and safe now? Hmmm? All comfy? Good thing I’m a nice person, hmmm?
If you ever feel like a chat…
~~~~~
*whatever that may be when it’s at home
I suddenly can’t help but remember the movie “One Hour Photo” with Robin Williams. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to cower under my desk for a few hours.
I’m thinking of _The Red Dragon_ by Thomas Harris – the _Silence of the Lambs_ prequel. Scary.
Me too! God that movie is creepy (but one of my faves). That’s why I always develop my own film and never throw anything away “personal” away.
That’s exactly what I thought. This sounds less like blackmail and more like a threat of a more violent nature. Kind of too creepy to be funny, at least imo.
“I’m wondering if you want it back.” Did you mean to let this tape fall into the hands of a possibly not nice person? Do you want it to show up on YouTube but not be the one who posted it? Please answer this CL ad, so I can get some answers, and by the way, do you and your wife do threesomes with nice persons?
Oh no! I meant for you to have it, nice person! Well, you or any random thrift store patron. I am nothing if not a humanitarian. Also, feel free to break in and steal my “musle” car any time. I made sure to get a shot of my full address. Thanks, nice person!
oh … um … ah …
what was that contact info?
You know, a REALLY nice person would have just, you know, destroyed the tape and never, ever, ever said anything about it to anyone…
Feh, this thing is already on the internet and set to music.
Meredith? As a matter of fact, I HAVE watched a porn movie all the way to the end to see how the plot went. The SEX parts were awful and boring, so we fast forwarded through those, but the plot parts were pretty damn funny (a pastiche of almost every SF movie made in the last 30 years). In fact, they could have cut out 2/3 of the sex scenes and shortened up most of the rest, and it would have made a great movie. (Movie was Space Nuts from Wicked Video, and it was at one time the worst porn and the funniest low budget movie I’ve seen).
Deep Throat: worst porn ever, but a HILARIOUS movie. But the sex scenes will murder your libido faster than watching a baby penguin receive open-heart surgery.
I did watch the Pirates porn all the way through, I must admit. It was the most expensive porn to date, so I was wondering what the quality was. Then it was just so funny I couldn’t stop.
Funny thing is, my ex wanted to watch porn, but only up until the girls were half dressed and flirty. When the down and dirty started, he wanted no part of it. Guess I should be happy my man didn’t want to watch closeups of some other guys and girls junk. AND he would fast forward to the “story” parts. He’s an adorably strange egg.
High five for us guys not wanting to stare at genitals for an unstated length of time!
Gooo boobies and half-dressed wimmenz!
Space Nuts is an award winner! I got a copy, but before I could watch it, my external drive crashed… I’ll have to send it away to try to recover the files…
But anyway, if you get a chance to see Space Nuts, do! It looks great!
I … I need a bath.
Don’t forget to gargle the toilet duck.
..and what makes you think the person who donated the camcorder reads CraigsList anyway? There again they left a sex tape in the camcorder so they obviously read CraigsList.
As for the poster would it have been too hard to throw the tape away? (Thinks: that may need rephrasing!)
Is there a ‘creepy’ category this could go in?
“Honey, what did we ever do with our *ahem* fun tape?”
“I don’t know, did you check the shoe box in the closet. You know the one marked ‘doilies’?”
“Yeah, all our other ones are there, but number 58 is missing.”
“Ok, I’ll check Craigslist, maybe it showed up there.”
“Jeeze, that’ll be the third time this month.”
What a koinky-dink!
I have a shoebox marked “doilies”!
But then again, doesn’t EVERYBODY?
Yup, but mine has doilies in it.
Is doilies code for “wet socks” or “porno stash” or “doilies”?
So the question becomes:
How do I get a job at a thrift store where they donate camcorders? It’s an altruistic desire. Really. I’m “someone nice” and can be trusted with all your most private tapes and I’ll do the right thing; I’m not creepy at all.
As your handle, tacomagic, clearly implies. 8)
Haha, I just found shopgoodwill.com! It’s an auction site for all the “good” stuff they get at various Goodwill stores around the nation!
(Actually, I will be shopping on it for musical instruments to donate to a middle school that is trying to rebuild their band program! $20 trombones are awesome!)
As I read this I couldn’t help remembering the “after the shower” tape Clark made of Ellen in National Lampoon’s European Vacation. bwahahaha
Yes, but the folks on this video probably looked more like Mr. and Mrs. Danny DeVito than Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo…
…Well I just thought that they might want their tape back….now if you all will excuse me I’ll be in my bunk
By the way… can I have my tape back?
You sure you want it back now?
Yeah, I can just wash it off.
LMAO! Thanks Rick! Now I have a vision of Jayne “working” at a thrift store.
Ditto! Best line out of a bunch of winners.
Now if you were really a nice person the CL ad would have said “To the person who donated the camcorder to the thrift store – You also donated a few tapes and at least one seems to be of a private nature. Please contact me if you would like it back or would prefer it destroyed.”
But…but…if it said just that……
But, there’s so many people donating camcorders to thrift stores. He’d have a crowd of freaked out guys that want to either see a part of the sex video, or maybe the house tape.
Always best to explain it properly so the guy knows for sure it’s his. *nods*
“I can see everything about your life in this tape … want it back? I’m a nice person.”
Eeeeeeccchhhh. A nice person WOULD, in fact, destroy the tape. There are some misplaced things it’s right to try and return (wallets, keys, children). This one has so much mutual embarrassment attached that it’s just better not to try.
The B-side to this that my brain is running is the bit in “Trainspotting” where the sex tape is taken by the friend and replaced with soccer highlights or whatever. The guy and his girlfriend break up over the missing tape, the guy is so depressed he starts using heroin, he’s nodding out too much to take care of his cat, and he dies of toxoplasmosis as a result.
So, in this scenario: Don’t bother putting this ad up, “nice person.” The guy whose tape it is is already in a box (possibly one of the slightly-used caskets from the other day) and you’ll never get your ransom, I mean, reward money that you’re hoping for.
I just love Aesop’s fables with happy endings…
Moral of the story: don’t donate recordable electronics to thrift stores while on heroin and don’t nod out by the litter box.
“There are some misplaced things it’s right to try and return (wallets, keys, children). ”
Lola, the last statement is questionable.
I mean morally, I’ve got NO compass, so…
@Igor: So you’ll return wallets and keys, but the children can fend for themselves, is that what you’re saying?
Exactly, Lola. 😉
Children, Lola? Oh, now you tell me. Wait until my 17 year old son hears I need to return him.
Now this lady’s got the right idea, folks!
If someone does contact him for the tapes, does he then follow them home to get their address and steal their stuff? I want to believe this is an honestly nice person, but why then so much detail?
Good point! How will he know the person who contacts him is actually the donor of the tapes? The person who donated the tapes is not necessarily one of the people who appears in the video… he could have been secretly filming his neighbors or something.
He has to drive up in the muscle car. Hur hur hur.
This is Exhibit 1,234,856 for “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.”
So there some shmuck is, donating his camcorder to charity and feeling good about himself, and next thing you know–bang, he is paying someone to get his videos back.
Does anyone else wonder how he will explain this to his wife?
On a side note, why do people have this obsession to put their sexual activities on film?
I’ve been lurking here for a few weeks now, and this is the post that I simply had to de-lurk for. Yes, the magical couch and the cherrleders looking for a couach made me giggle uncontrollably, but this? This is disturbing and hilarious on an entirely new level.
“No, really, I’m a nice pervert. I mean person. Hey, it’s not like I watched the whole tape. As far as you know.”
*laughs hysterically* *weeps for humanity at same time*
*re-lurks*
No! Stick around! We like you.
You’ve never said that to me! And I have given you the best posts of my posting life! What does she offer to you that I don’t?
An avatar.
stupid question – how does one get an avatar?
Go to gravatar.com — it’s associated with your email address. Create an avatar for the email address you use to post here.
Thanks, I feel slightly less stupid now
No problem — it’s not immediately obvious. (Although I do mention it in the forums. I suppose I could update the FAQ page to include this bit of trivia.)
DO you know much effort, skill and coordination it takes to laugh hysterically AND weep for humanity at the same time?
A lot. You should be very proud of yourself. And post more often.
Wow! Thanks for the warm welcome, you guys. I love the comments here as much as I love the posts. You all make me laugh daily, without the added weeping.
With any luck, we’ll be able to make you laugh until you cry, whilst simultaneously weeping for humanity. Now that’s a pretty rare talent, too.
You’ll really know you’re in the in-crowd when you can cry tears of laughter and tears of despair for humanity at the same time, while posting a comment. Welcome aboard. Do not let Igor frighten you (or call dibs on you).
DIBS!
And hello, marthter… Have you theen any invithible, tiny bugth lately?
I see tiny bug people.
Everywherth.
Well than can poor, thervile Igor rub the greenith gel on you?
How far thould he rub?
We, the lurkers, mourn the loss of one of the best of our kind. Uhmmm … oops!
(Yay, the Gravatar thing works!)
Yay! Welcome to you, too!
Yeah, I’ve been around for a few months now and I had never figured out the Gravatar thing until today.
Yay random off-topic trivia!
There! Satisfied?
In Soviet Russia, sex tape donates you to thrift store.
In Soviet Russia, you watch nice person‘s wife masturbating on home video!
In Soviet Russia, KGB runs Blockbuster! You get what they think you should get.
Isn’t that also Blockbuster in the free world? I mean, they edit stuff and if you go there you get the Bb-only, Bb-approved copy. Boo.
Funny…I thought that was Wal-Mart.
Next week on You Suck At Craigslist:
“4 Sale: Homemade Sex Tape. Not mine. Plus, some car footage!”
Honeeeee, what did we do with that, uh, movie we made last year?
yah.
LOOK – it was bad enough I had to get back in touch with this guy to get my tapes back…….now I have to suffer the double shame of being laughed at on here? Thanks guys – thanks a lot…………last time I donate anything to a thrift store……….
And for the record – it’s not a “classic” car – it’s a “vintage” car.
Meaning it’s a 1974 Vega?
’72 Gremlin, that’s my guess.
Now I know the picture they can put in the dictionary beside the word “dumb”.
The dumb camcorder donator.
Oh, it is SO much more than the donation. Yes, not bothering to check for a tape in the recorder before donating it is really dumb. I would never take the chance of losing one of the tapes of my kids, even if I can’t watch them any more because they make me want to cry. Yes, really dumb to lose a homemade tape.
BUT! They donated “a few tapes” with the camcorder and didn’t even take 5 minutes to see what was on them? And they didn’t label them? “Kids at the pool” – “My sweet muscle car” – “Honey touches the spot” – ahem, I mean, even a little ‘x’ or something scratched on the “special” one? It is people like these folks who DESERVE to end up on the Internet. Dumb dumb DUMB!
I’m kinda wondering if someone is an exhibitionist and actually gave away the homemade sex tape on purpose. Because, yeah, to do it accidentally is just TOO stupid for belief.
That’s just what I assumed.
Perhaps someone else decided to donate the camcorder without our wanna-be director Adam Glasser’s knowledge. Imagine his surprise when he made the discovery. “You did WHAT, ma?”
BTW, I’m still kicking myself for not checking and removing a DVD of Happy Feet [NO, this is NOT fetish porn so get your mind out of the gutter!] from my washed up DVD player before disposing of it. But somehow I’ve determined this is not quite the same thing even though I, to this day, cannot look at penguins without shedding a tear *sniffle*.
However, I still sometimes find myself waiting for a possible ransom Craigslist ad similar to this one to get it back:
“…you are lucky someone nice got this. I know some people would put the video online. Start toe-tappin’ some money my way NOW or you’ll never see Mumble again..”
I can just see the guy reading the craigslist ad now.
“Oh that must be me he is talking about. I donated my camcorder and I also had a tape of my classic musle car in the garage, a video of the beach, a video I made for my insurance company showing everything in my house, and a family video with the wife and kids.
Nope… nevermind can’t be my camcorder they are talking about, I didn’t tape my wife laying with nothing on touching herself.”
This made me think of Michal Palin in a sequined bow-tie. “Just send us the money and your family never finds out the name of your lover in Bolton.”
I can’t believe noone thought of an alternative explanation – I think he is just trying to hype up a “home video” he has acquired/made so that he can sell it on CL as a “genuine” tape.
european vacations are very exciting sepcially if you got to visit many places at once .`.