You Suck at Craigslist

Category: free

  • YSaC, Vol. 342: At least they’re honest.

    Two entries in the “Even free isn’t cheap enough for me to want this” category:

    Free ikea rug – dirty as hell

    8×12 or so. Light blue with circles on it. We got it from ikea like three years ago, then our little dog peed on it a lot. I tried to clean it by washing it down outside but it still seemed to smell funny, so I put it in our shed, where a small mammal seems to have converted it into a nut and acorn storage locker. So then Sunday I put it on the curb, where it got rained on.

    2 White IKEA Tullsta Chairs

    Getting rid of two chairs our cat continues to urinate in. We have gotten the smell out with cleaners such as SCOEx10, but he continues to urinate in these two chairs. Additionally one of the chairs has no cushion as the dog tore it up. Pickup only email for location.

    Look, we all appreciate the honesty, but at some point you have to give up and realize that no, nobody is going to want your urine-stained rug or chairs. That is, unless someone is decorating their house in an early black light disco motif, at which point the rug and chairs would be perfect.

    Thanks to Lisa and Caroline for the rug entry and Liz B. for the pee chair entry!

  • YSaC, Vol. 320: Ice cream does fix everything.

    Elle, who was also responsible for the “Free blowdry and style” submission, sent this one in. It got flagged almost immediately, but luckily she’d taken a screenshot:

    320

    Click here for a larger version, and be confused for a while. The two pictures themselves are like those puzzles in Highlights magazines where you were supposed to spot the differences between the two pictures: The hair comb! The green thing! The white/grey square blob to the right of the pink thing just above his head! Find and collect them all!

    Elle says, “I have so many questions. What/where is GUATSUSNAKE? Who is “HE”? Are they offering up an unemployed/retired person? A snake? Why did they include two almost-identical Photoshopped photos? Is that a mannequin? A dead body? Is there anything that ice cream doesn’t fix?

    This may have put me off Craigslist forever.”

    Here, I’ll save you the trouble — here’s a link to a Google search for “guatsusnake“. You’ll notice that nothing comes up. (I’m hoping the search engines will catch the word quickly enough that it will link back here by the time this post goes up!)

    In other words: Nope, I’ve got nothing.

  • YSaC, Vol. 317: I’d go to see “The Droors”, wouldn’t you?

    Chest of Droors and a big fake Plant

    I put this out after the garbage man came by so it will be there for you. Out in the alley, a white chest of droors, but a couple droors are missing, otherwise, it’s made of real wood. There’s also one of those big fake Ficus Trees you see in almost any North Dallas apartment living room corner.
    [address] …. The street is a cul-de-sac and the house is on the circle.

    I’ll try to delete this as soon as it gets picked up, or if you’re on your way, send me an email and I’ll take the post down. It’s 2:32pm.

    This is my lucky day! A chest of droors with a couple droors missing and a generic fake ficus tree like everyone else in the world has! I’ve hit the suburban-classy decorating motherlode! (Well, okay, I’m still looking for that French Prudential chest of droors — that will be the pièce de résistance.)

    Sarah sent this one in saying, “I am shocked that someone could be so illiterate.” She obviously hasn’t spent a lot of time on this blog yet, so let’s help her feel better — at least it wasn’t chester droors. Nobody could ever make that mistake, right?

    chester droors,9 droor dresser and mirror – $250

    All Medium oak, Great condition, Moving must sell, I live in moore oklahoma my name is MARK give me a call at xxx-xxx-xxxx no emails please
    (A GREAT DEAL AT 250)

    Oh. Never mind. That didn’t exactly make things better, did it?

    I’ll be over in the corner weeping at the demise of the English language if you need me.

  • YSaC, Vol. 310: And then there’s …

    Life sized cardboard cutout of Beatrice Arthur

    Ive been having medical issue and can no longer use this for its intended purpose. Free to a good home email me to arrange pick up if no replies she is going in the trash 🙁

    What on earth IS the intended purpose of a lifesized cardboard cutout of Bea Arthur? And what medical issue would prevent said use? The mind boggles.

  • YSaC, Vol. 287: Clearly they mean April 31st.

    free-blowdry-style-la-craigslist

    For those of you with bad eyes, here’s the relevant text of the ad:

    Free blowdry and style this Saturday! (Los Angeles)

    Come in this today, April 39th, for a free style and blow dry with Brooklyn at Shampoo.

    Elle sends in this screenshot, saying, “This woman is obviously a devious marketer — grab people with the bait of a free offer, then completely confuse them as to when, if ever, the promotion will be held. Customers will show up, she’ll insist they came on the wrong day but wrangle them into the chair anyway and charge them far too much.”

    They’ve since “fixed” the ad:

    Free blowdry and style this Friday! (Los Angeles)

    Come in this Friday, April 30th, for a free style and blow dry with Brooklyn at Shampoo.

    Well, that’s cleared that up, then.

  • YSaC, Vol. 264: The suck runs deep with this one.

    Free Chickens

    Have 520 chickens-must get off the property IMMEDIATELY! I will NOT give the chickens to black people, I don’t like them! Sorry!
    Call Fat Willie- (270)xxx-xxxx

    This one was flagged almost immediately — what a surprise. And again, it was difficult to restrain myself from leaving in the phone number.

    Jami (from DateWrecks) sent this one in, pointing out that the neighborhood in which this was listed is not exactly country bumpkin land; she says it’s a southern urban area. That’s rather a lot of chickens even if you ARE on a farm, instead of having them running around your three bedroom split-level ranch. I’m thinking Fat Willie might have had a run-in with Animal Control.

    I can’t even make up a funny story in my head about this one. Not to perpetuate stereotypes or anything, but:

    1. Southern
    2. Racist
    3. Going by the sobriquet of “Fat Willie”

    … the “asshat” tag is kind of unavoidable, isn’t it?