You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: classy

  • YSaC, Vol. 389: But I *paid* someone to write it, so that’s okay.

    Sociology research paper (new orleans)

    I need a thorough research paper, 20 pages, 20 sources.
    if you have it already written i am interested.

    • Location: new orleans
    • Compensation: 300$

    Kris sends this listing in, saying, “Really, dude? You’ve got $300 bucks in spare cash but not enough time to do your own school work?”

    Just for fun, I emailed our budding sociologist to ask some important questions — like, what topic? What university and what class? Sadly, I got no response. His loss. (Actually, since I was planning on turning him in to the professor, it might have been the wise choice on his part.)

    Anyway, I wouldn’t have written Sparky’s sociology paper for him, but it probably wouldn’t have been too hard to find someone who would have:

    Harvard Grad custom writes your term papers-no plagiarizing, ever

    I custom-write your paper on any topic you need. Topic research included in price quote. MLA or APA formatting… email me at Smarts4hire@xxxxxxxxxxxx.com for a fast price quote.

    This ad was submitted by Naomi, who says, “The New Oxford American Dictionary says to plagiarize means to “take (the work or an idea of someone else) and pass it off as one’s own.” Note that I ever so carefully cited my source. So, could someone explain to me how it is possible to have someone else write your term paper and to then turn it in under your own name, but still have “no plagiarizing, ever?”

    Sigh. Stay classy, Harvard. (Says the graduate from a different snooty ivy-covered campus …)

  • YSaC, Vol. 379: Do you, insert name here, take insert name here …

    Wedding Invitations (Blank) – $100

    5×7″ pink and brown cardstock ready to be made into wedding (or other) invitations. Paper has pretty butterfly and flower design. I have enough materials for approx. 150 invitations, including ribbon to assemble, as well as blank white response cards.
    379

    I think the email exchange between Leslie and me is the best possible commentary:

    Leslie: BLANK wedding invitations, you say? Blank, that is, except for the NAMES boldly emblazoned across the bottom – “Becky and Tim”.

    I’m getting married soon, and this seemed like such a good deal. Being cautious of those kooky Craigslisters out there (thanks to your blog), I thought it best to first inquire as to this young ladies definition of “blank”. You guessed it – blank means “blank except for our names on the front”. She was quite the “Helpy Helperton”, though. She offered several suggestions as to how I might overcome this very minor issue. After asking if it was possible that my name was Becky and my fiancee’s name was Tim, she informed me I could either cross it out and write our names underneath or simply put a sticker over it and write our names on that.

    Yeah, this seems like just the right way to start out your new lives together. Maybe we should just change our names to Becky and Tim.

    YSaC: Please tell me that the “blank” response cards also say “Becky and Tim” on them … because that would be awesome.

    Leslie: Well, I suppose if you’re already crossing out the names on the front….what’s a few hundred more on the “blank” response cards?

    My aggravation got the better of me, so I opted to send Becky the link to the Webster’s definition of “blank”.

    She responded with “so you aren’t interested in the invitations?  This is a real money saver.”  I pray my sanity holds fast so I don’t have to use my daily allotment of curse words on one person.  I don’t even think I need to ask why it is that things didn’t work out between with she and Tim’s nuptials.  I’m sure your IQ must fall a few points each day when you live with someone like that.

    Team Tim!

    YSaC: Hang onto her email address. You’ll need it when you send her a link to the entry on the blog!

    Leslie: Oh, I fully intend to link her to the posting.  I’m from the South, so anytime we do/say something about someone else that’s not so kind, we just begin or end the sentence with “Bless Her Heart”.

    Yes, bless her heart.  Bless her sweet, sweet, unsure of the meaning of “blank” heart.

    Thanks for the post & emails, Leslie! This is the fourth or fifth submission of Leslie’s that’s made it on the site, so I think it’s time to start an “LC” tag — keep bringing us the crazy!

  • YSaC, Vol. 370: I’m too sexy for my …

    Stripper clothes for sale 4 outfits – $100

    only accept paypal will ship anywhere once payment is received
    some only worn a few times. out of the business no longer need them.

    I’m trying to imagine a stripper routine that would involve unhooking a corset. Those things are terribly fussy. Someone apparently forgot to tell this person the difference between skimpy and sexy. Also, who knew that strippers could only wear pink?

    LOOKING FOR A EXOTIC DANCE/POLE PARTNER

    IM 35 AND STUDYING THE ART OF EXOTIC/POLE DANCING AND WANTED TO FIND SOMEONE WHO USE TO /OR IS CURRENTLY A EXOTIC/POLE DANCER/TEACHER.(MALE OR FEMALE)..THAT CAN SHOW ME OR STUDY WITH ME……ITS BORING WHEN YOUR STUDYN ALONE…..PLZ CONTACT MS. LIBRA@xxxxxxxxxx…PS…EVEN MATERIALS FOR LEARNING LIKE BOOKS,POLES, STRIPPER SHOES,ETC WILL BE A BLESSING….SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY….!!!!! DONT CALL IF YOUR PLAYING AROUND……

    Do you need some stripper clothes? Do you like pink? Are you shaped like a piece of plywood? ‘Cause if so, I think I can hook you up.

  • YSaC, Vol. 357: No connection.

    Liz sends in some “Missed Connections” posts, with this explanation:

    “Okay, so there is this guy who ALWAYS posts Missed Connections on our local CL.  He always writes the same things, so we always know it’s him.  And now we also know that when a 37-year-old pops up on there, it’s most likely him.  Some of our favorite lines of his are: “You was pretty and sexy,” “I want to hook up with you,” “we made eye contact,’ and, our favorite, “hope the girl see this.”

    We (me and my co-workers) have been following this guy’s posts for about 3 months now.  Every time one pops up, he’s at a new location, and it’s always some sort of eatery. We just don’t understand how one guy can have soooo many missed connections in his lifetime, and it’s always when he’s at lunch or dinner! These are just three that he’s posted in the past month.”

    waitress at The Grill – m4w – 37

    Date: 2009-06-05, 10:40PM EDT
    was eating at the grill on June 4 around 7:30pm.the waitress was young and fine.she had long dark hair with black jeans on and white shirt.if you are the girl tell me what i was wearing or what i order to eat.we chat a little.really would love to hook up with the girl.hope the girl see this.the girl shirt was low cut and showing some clevage

    Why do I get the feeling that by “we chat a little” the guy means, “You asked me what I wanted to eat, brought me my food, asked if you could refill my Coke, and then brought me my check”? And that he thinks that means that they’re soulmates? Well, they were soulmates until a few weeks later, at least, when …

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  • YSaC, Vol. 345: There’s also shabby chick, of course.

    SHABBY SHEEK TABLE AND CHAIRS – $125

    SELLING A REAL PRETTY STYLE TABLE COLOR SLATE BLUE , WITH 4 SILK IVORY COLORED CHAIRS . MAKE BEAUTIFUL TABLE FOR DECK AT CAMP OR BACK PORCH ,SUN ROOM . BRIGHTEN ANY DECOR. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL AT xxx-xxxx ASK JIM. THANKS AGIN

    345a

    This makes me want to cry. For the love of Martha Stewart, you over-incomed hipsters, learn to spell shabby chic.

    Even worse, of course … they’re not alone. Click through to see more mangling of fake furniture styles.

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  • YSaC, Vol. 343: These sound like fine young drunken men.

    Private Beach Rental

    Looking for a private beach to rent for a weekend retreat party. Must be noise friendly. Would like to rent from friday – sunday but would consider Sat-Sun. I’m not looking for a “beach house” in a beach town with uptight controlling town council. The property must have its own private beach on the water with sand without close neighbors. I don’t want Old Lady Neighborhood watch with nothing better to do with her remaining 186 days on this earth, Harry Homeowner Association with a piece of coal up his butt trying to make a diamond, or Miserable Husband with judgemental inlaws on another crappy beach vacation with extended families’ bratty kids forced by the wife; calling the 5Os or Rent a Cops on some mid 20-30 somethings having a good time. email for more details.

    Pete sends this in, with a translation: “My drunken frat brothers and I would like to destroy your beach house, but we don’t want to be arrested, clean up, or have anyone know about it until after we leave. Also, Jimbo will be puking in your sink while Johnny D jumps from the roof into what he thought was a swimming pool, and your pants will later be sued off by his estate. If all of the masochistic homeowners wishing this fate upon themselves would form an orderly line to the right, I will be accepting bids shortly.”