Hi. Welcome to You Suck at Craigslist, a site where I make fun of poorly constructed Craigslist ads.
What? What’s that you say? You’re wondering why I’m stating that, when it’s perfectly obvious what the site is?
As it turns out, perfectly obvious might not be obvious enough to some people, as evidenced by an email I got (exchange is behind a cut, as it’s relatively long):
I’m a dumb ass , now i have to take a bus cause they took my dl(got one month left), have abit of a problem with a head and some of my friends tell me im an asshole ,got no front teeth, live in my parents basement ,never finish or if i think about it never stared the school that would explain my spelling(i thik the last homework i did was in 3 grade) and on top of it all just lost my job(god that looks bad)ha but so far in last six years that i spend in canada over all i did allrigt, i’m 5.11, 165pounds,still got my 6 (not like its matters)im white ,well fit ,grey eyes,with dirty blonde hair,intelegent inaf to realize the level of my personal stupidity,sick and tierd of the mind games shit,will not lie or betray.
If some one ask me what i’m looking for in the girl i gona have to say that she must be well fit,able to think(i hate stupidity) and she cant be to much of a bitch everything else dont realy matter
So if u think u can deal with the sad reality a have just presented send me an e mail and we go from there
O ye i do have good sence of humor (i can laugh at my self)
This is like a litany of personals sadness. Lost his drivers license, his friends think he’s a jerk, lives at home, dropped out of school, unemployed … wow. At least he claims he can laugh at himself. What’s the line from Hedwig and the Angry Inch? “I have to laugh … because I’ll cry if I don’t.” That seems apropos here.
I think we might actually have to start that “I can’t imagine why you’re still single” tag. That’s a bit long, though — any suggestions about a shorter tag name?
Well It looks like it’s come to do this Guys, The Goverment has ran out of Guinie pigs
You should consider this postion if normal people consider you different,
All people are normal until you get to know them!!
To my fellow “___________________” professionals. C’mon Admit it,
Do you want to give up Sign waving, picking up bottles and cans,
jumping on the light rail without paying. Do you want to give up
holding out a sign on busy street medians hoping to get hit,
then suing the driver? Are you tired of telling people you have a job
when in fact all you do is stealing Catalytic Converters.
Would you, Should you for good, if you could ?
If you would like a way to supplement or to totally replace your current
income, and maybe I could convince you to try something a little different !!
If you have Ph-d from Kindergarten you might need to contact me
If You Haven’t found a job, since my last CL ad you need to contact me
If you are a single-mom or stay-at-home person you might need to contact me
If you are non-minority or a part of a major minority you might need to contact me
If you are physically disabled or slightly mentally disabled you might need to contact me
If you take a shower at the skate board park bathroom sinks you might need to contact me
If you are under-employed, over-employed, or unhappily employed you might need to contact me
If you are an non-English speaker or born and raised here and still can’t speak right, you might need to contact me
Contact me for Date and time on the next hiring seminar.
[location], Sacramento Ca 95833-3508
([directions], North to the Univ Of Phoniex Bldg)
Bring
1. A Collared Shirt (women you know what I mean)
2. Bring no money, you won’t need it
Ladies and everyone reading this. Minorities, Students, Retired are highly encouraged to attend.
This is the most Equal OPP you will ever get !!
xxx-xxx-xxxx (Call me anytime 24 hours)
xxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
Best I can tell from a little googling, the address leads to a school for crane operators. It might have been useful for him to say that. Instead he spends the ad insulting his potential recruits and then misspelling the name of the location. (Maybe one of his pitches should have been, “If you can’t spell University of Phoenix, you might need to contact me.”)
What does it say about me that every time I see “Equal OPP” the first thing that goes through my head is, “Yeah, you know me!”
I put this out after the garbage man came by so it will be there for you. Out in the alley, a white chest of droors, but a couple droors are missing, otherwise, it’s made of real wood. There’s also one of those big fake Ficus Trees you see in almost any North Dallas apartment living room corner.
[address] …. The street is a cul-de-sac and the house is on the circle.
I’ll try to delete this as soon as it gets picked up, or if you’re on your way, send me an email and I’ll take the post down. It’s 2:32pm.
This is my lucky day! A chest of droors with a couple droors missing and a generic fake ficus tree like everyone else in the world has! I’ve hit the suburban-classy decorating motherlode! (Well, okay, I’m still looking for that French Prudential chest of droors — that will be the pièce de résistance.)
Sarah sent this one in saying, “I am shocked that someone could be so illiterate.” She obviously hasn’t spent a lot of time on this blog yet, so let’s help her feel better — at least it wasn’t chester droors. Nobody could ever make that mistake, right?
chester droors,9 droor dresser and mirror – $250
All Medium oak, Great condition, Moving must sell, I live in moore oklahoma my name is MARK give me a call at xxx-xxx-xxxx no emails please
(A GREAT DEAL AT 250)
Oh. Never mind. That didn’t exactly make things better, did it?
I’ll be over in the corner weeping at the demise of the English language if you need me.
Jackie-o is her name she is going on 6 months old. she is very friendly loving and potty trained. Also knows how it sit. i have been working with her to fetch which she will when not distracted and also been teaching her cry when somthing is wrong. she is not spayed for i did not know if i wanted to do that to her. i was figureing i would give her the choice after her first period.
(which she has not had yet)
I am looking for a family home for her. she loves kids and is even great with babies. for she has been around my god daughter who was born three days after jackie. i am asking a rehoming fee for her to know that she will be loved for ever. I wish i could take her with me but i am moving almost three thousand miles away and my house is unfortanly not pet friendly. 🙁 if you have any questions feel free to email me. a recent photo is below how ever i took it with my cell so her eyes look bright,(she is not alien) And like i said before jackie-0 is a rare long haired loving black chi-wa-wa.
LeAna sends this one in, saying, “First of all, black longhaired chihuahuas are not rare. Second — she was going to let the dog decide whether to be spayed? Oh, and don’t you worry, she’s not an alien, it’s just my crappy cell camera …”
And … really? Chiwawa? I mean, I realize that chihuahua is sort of difficult to spell, but I think I’m going to have to invoke my “if you can’t spell it, you don’t deserve to own the breed” rule.
This Is A Beautiful Dinning Hutch….It Has Been In The Family 4 Along Time!!! But It Is Just “BIG” 2 Take With Us Or We Would!!!
I Know If U Seen It U Would Fall In LOVE With It….It Is Just That “NICE”!!!! So If U Would Like 2 Take A Look, Just Give Me A Call.
river.girl sends in this listing, saying,
“I know you’ve discussed dinning room furniture on YSaC before, but I can’t recall if you actually determined what a dinning room is. So I was very excited to see this listing that would show me, if not what a dinning room was, at least what a dinning room buffet might look like. With odd capitalization. And texting abbreviations. And quotes around the word “nice” when describing the buffet. Or maybe its a dinning hutch?”
Dinning table is actually one of the most popular search engine terms that results in people finding this site. I keep hoping that people who end up here after searching for that will learn something in the process, but it doesn’t seem to be the case.
