You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: humanity is doomed

  • YSaC, Vol. 308: Let me tell ya about the birds and the …

    selling ford truck – $1200

    $1200 obo this has been a good truck for me but i have to sell it because i cant ever get to it with all of the bees around it they have been in and around it for almost 2 months now and i havent been able to get near 5 feet or else i get stung and im sick of it i still have welts from months ago stingings and i cant even get to work because i cant get to my truck so i have to sell it test drives at ur own risk i cant go with you too many bees 308

    Sara and Geoff both sent this one in. Sara points out that apparently bee stings cause a lack of punctuation.

    I really … just … wow. If anyone has always wanted a truck that has had thousands of bees living in it for months, here’s your opportunity.

  • YSaC, Vol. 303: The sofas go marching two by two …

    2 piece Sofa(Good Condition – $45)

    Good price and good condition.
    (Each price $45)
    Please, email me.(pick up &cash only)

    303

    Amy sends this one in, saying, ” ‘Round these parts, we call it ‘chairs’.”

    So wait a minute … it’s $45 for the 2-piece sofa, or $45 each? Man, I can’t decide which is a better deal.

  • YSaC, Vol. 302: Well, that’s disturbing.

    spencer mason – w4m – 20

    hey spencer.. if you’re reading this… just wanted to say hello… and stuff and yeah we moved to santa clara from san jose.. everythings cool here…finish your studies and get the fuck back into the states. cuz i miss jerking you off in the woods..or at crazy places… hope you read this…write back..
    lots of love…
    mom and son

    i’m attaching a pic of buddy.. he’s at 50 lbs. now

    302

    It’s just a typical love letter, right? You know, the usual — hello, stuff, we moved, I miss jerking you off, write back, love … and then you get to the signature.

    Now, as Charlene points out, it’s probably a nickname for his girlfriend and their pet, “Buddy”, but STILL. I don’t know about the rest of you, but if a letter contains the phrase “jerking you off in the woods,” I personally wouldn’t want the word “Mom” being used anywhere near that.

  • YSaC, Vol. 291: No, seriously. What. The. Hell.

    This post contains eight incredibly bizarre pictures of a NSFW coffee table. No, really. You have been warned.
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  • YSaC, Vol. 287: Clearly they mean April 31st.

    free-blowdry-style-la-craigslist

    For those of you with bad eyes, here’s the relevant text of the ad:

    Free blowdry and style this Saturday! (Los Angeles)

    Come in this today, April 39th, for a free style and blow dry with Brooklyn at Shampoo.

    Elle sends in this screenshot, saying, “This woman is obviously a devious marketer — grab people with the bait of a free offer, then completely confuse them as to when, if ever, the promotion will be held. Customers will show up, she’ll insist they came on the wrong day but wrangle them into the chair anyway and charge them far too much.”

    They’ve since “fixed” the ad:

    Free blowdry and style this Friday! (Los Angeles)

    Come in this Friday, April 30th, for a free style and blow dry with Brooklyn at Shampoo.

    Well, that’s cleared that up, then.

  • YSaC, Vol. 280: It’s not just Craigslist, apparently …

    … people suck at other online classifieds, too. Witness this post on Kijiji, a Canadian classifieds:

    GREAT DEAL, MUST SELL ASAP

    Price: $250.00

    Ad ID: 1xxxxxxx

    Visits: 226

    14 YEAR OLD DEAF WHITE CAT. SPAYED AND SHOTS ARE UP TO DATE. 2 DIFFERENT COLOR EYES. WARNING: ONLY LIKES TO BE PET ON THE HEAD, DO NOT TOUCH HER BODY.  GREAT DEAL, ONLY SELLING BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE HER AS MUCH AS I USED TO. VERY SMART AND SNEAKY CAT, WOULD BE A GREAT ADDITION TO SINGLE MEN’S HOMES. SHE IS VERY POLITE. GIVE HER A CHANCE. ALSO YOU CAN RENAME HER BECAUSE SHE IS DEAF.  ONLY REPLY IF YOU WILL FEED HER SOFT STUFF.
    280f

    *bangs head against computer*

    Apparently this person is used to shouting at their deaf cat — that would explain the all-caps posting. As for the rest of it … apparently the cat is very polite AND very sneaky. She’s politely sneaky. Unless you touch her body, in which case she apparently turns into a whirling dervish of epic proportions.

    And does this person really think they’re going to get $250 for a 14-year-old cat? And that that’s a “great deal”? At that age, their warranty has pretty much expired. Yeah, sure, cats can live into their 20s sometimes, but that’s the exception. At 14, you’re pretty much dealing with a geriatric cat. (Suddenly, in my head, the cat has the voice of Abe Simpson.)

    There’s a bit of a disconnect between “MUST SELL!” and “Only selling because I don’t like her as much as I used to.” I mean, both are asshat-worthy, but tell a different story.

    You know, I don’t like my brother as much as I used to, either. I wonder if I could sell him? Oh, but he’s not deaf, so you couldn’t rename him. And he doesn’t eat only soft stuff.*

    *Full disclosure: I don’t actually have a brother, but if I did, I’m sure this guy would seriously consider selling him.

    Meanwhile, over in the motherland, England has a website called gumtree.com, which contained this post:
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