You Suck at Craigslist

Category: barter

  • YSaC, Vol. 201: Where my money at? Love, Grandma

    Greeding Cards 4 Sale

    I have 1 Box of greeding cards! The fansiy halmark and other brands like that! There is over 50 cards, And evelops! If you want them I Am asking $45 ar best offer! My email is Xxxxxx@rocketmail.com Thanks! email me for ?’s

    Pic below is not all the cards I have! I have all kinds! But they are in a box!

    Greeding cards — for when you care enough to get your money back.

    I can see the cards now. On the front it says, “I was just thinking about how much I love you …”, and when you open it it says, “… and your bank account.”

    (And yes, she posted the exact same crappy cell phone picture twice in the ad.)

  • YSaC, Vol CXCII

    Somebody offer something for this car (far out)

    Rat Rod

    The place where this listing comes from is apparently referred to as the “Athens of the West”. This person seems to have decided to honor the statuary of the original Athens by …. encasing a car in concrete? I have absolutely no idea what I’m looking at here. I want to believe it’s a car under a cover, but it looks a little too rigid for that. (Besides, if it is a car under a cover, wouldn’t you take the cover OFF to photograph the car to sell it?)

    So maybe it’s a concrete sculpture of a car. If so, how is someone going to move it? And why on earth would someone WANT it?

    Wait, I know. Maybe it’s a modern art installation, and is a post-ironic expression of stereotypes of neighborhoods where there are more cars in the driveways that are on blocks than are on wheels. Perhaps the permanence of the sculpture of what is clearly a sports car is a reflection of the futility of the class struggle and is attempting to represent the weight of the tropes that keep us from true social mobility. The spare tire represents man’s inhumanity to man.

    Googling for “rat rod” reveals that the term generally refers to cars that “appears unfinished or is built simply to be driven.” (Thanks, Uncle Wikipedia!) I like my interpretation better.

    Sent in by Cheryl — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXVI

    FIREWOOD (SAVE A TREE BUY FROM ME)

    BAGED 4 EASY CARRYIN OR STORAGE..HOPE THE HOLD WORLD WILL READ THIS AD.nothing is impossible so i hear..call me an AMERICAN DREAMER)SO BUY A BAG WON”T YOUtc.
    A LITTLE BIT ABOUT PALLETS..(WOODEN PLATFORMS that are used 2 carry most of our commerce products from razor blades 2 veggs..to keeping your dogs & stuff(HAY) of the ground … WOODEN PLATFORMS BUILT 2 SPECS.MAKE A LONG STOREY SHORT.WE SELL SCRAP SURPLUS THAT WE CANNOT USE.. WE RECYCLE GOIN GREEN REDUCE ..REUSE..RECYCLE. BEEN IN BUSINESS A LONG TIME well learned on FIRE ..
    WE SELL IT BY THE: xxx xxx-xxxx JACK says it’S the best dare wood there is .GREAT 4 INDOOR OR OUT DOOR USE..PISMO,DUMONT,DESERT,RVin.a BAG or 2?
    BAGS 22X36″ $10.00
    CRATES..$50.00 & UP
    TRUNK LOADS..$10.00 & UP
    SMALL PICK UP LOADS $50.00
    CAN DELIVER..ANY WHERE..UPS IF WE HAVE TO.. ? EXPORTIN need heat treated CRATES,PALLETS,any size from 1′ to ? any amount. xxx xxx.xxxx..happy trails to you..see you real soon..

    I can’t parse my way through this one. Is he chopping up pallets for firewood, or selling firewood and pallets? My brain hurts.

    But if Jack says it’s the best dare wood out there, who am I to argue?

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXIII

    tax deduction

    do you need a tax dedution? my daughter needs her teeth pulled. she is in her 20 and she needs all her teeth pulled. if you know a dentist that will do charity work or if you want to help her and take it as a tax dedution let us know. thank you

    Candace sends this one along with this note: “I wonder if I show up with some pliers and Tylenol…do you think that would count as helping? I was just telling my friend the other day, “You know, I love to pull teeth, and I could really use a nice dedution!”

    Hm.

    So many questions, so few capital letters. Okay, first: what is a 20, and why is your daughter in hers? I mean, I know what a 40 is, but I don’t think I could fit in that, much less in a bottle half that size.

    Second, what on earth have you been feeding your daughter if she is in her 20s and needs all of her teeth pulled? I’m guessing this might be the very first time this poor girl has been to a dentist in her entire life.

    Third: how exactly do you propose to have your daughter eat afterwards? You do realize you’re going to need to replace those missing teeth with something, right?

    Fourth: how would this qualify as a tax deduction? As far as I know, you’re only allowed to deduct medical expenses for qualified dependents. Would paying for someone else to have their teeth removed qualify as charity? If so, would anyone out there be willing to pony up for me to have liposuction? You can deduct it from your taxes! (Note: I am not a qualified tax preparer, and this statement should not be considered as tax preparation advice.)

    Fifth, and possibly most important: how did this person manage to spell “deduction” right in the headline, and misspell it twice in the ad itself?

  • YSaC, Vol. CLX

    Hoilday Glass Ordaments

    make offer! e-mail me All GlASS

    cash only These are great and cheap for all these ordaments!

    160a

    Son: “Hey, Mom, what was it you wanted me to post on Craigslist again?”

    Mom: *AAAA-CHOOO!*

    Son: “BlASS you.” *giggles* “Did you catch that, Mom? I said ‘BlASS’ you.” *giggles again*.

    Mom: “Veddy fuddy. Just waid udtil you cadtch dis code.”

    Son: “Okay, Mom, sorry. What did you want me to post again?”

    Mom: “The ordaments.”

    Son: “The what?”

    Mom: “The ordaments! The ordaments! Dod’t make me come over dere. Just podst the ordaments.”

    Son: “Okay, will do, Mom.” *giggles*

    Happy holidays, all! Now get off the computer and go spend some time with your family & friends.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLIV

    2 FREE MASSAGES FOR IPOD TOUCH!!!

    IM A MASSAGE THERAPIST LOOKING TO TRADE 2 MASSAGES FOR AN IPOD TOUCH..xxx-xxx xxxx


    (actual photo)

    Too bad she wasn’t trading the massages for an apostrophe. Looks like she could use one of those as well. What do you think is the going rate for apostrophes these days? I’d settle for a foot massage. She owes me two of them for the previous sentences alone.

    That’s it, I’m starting a euphemism tag.