Just to be different, we’re going to lead with the picture today, and then follow it with the ad:
That’s a blurry picture, but it’s not a terrible seeming bench. I wonder why it’s in the corner?
Naughty Pine Bench – $25
This bench is Naughty Pine. It is sturdy. Asking 25.00.
Oh. It’s naughty. Naughty, naughty bench. Stay in the corner!
(Thanks for the naughty bench, Jeff!)
Why are we getting stuck on the Group W bench again?
What do you paddle a pine bench with?
Hello, corner, my old friend, I’ve come to sit in you again.
I don’t like the look that bench is giving me. Definitely up to no good. No wonder it’s in the corner.
Oh, Zoot.
A Spanking! A Spanking!
(There’s only six score of them!)
Sorry, it’s too perilous.
You should give it a good planking, and once you’ve given it a good planking, you must plank us all.
There once was a bench from Nantucket
That decided to say oh, f*ck it
It sat in the corner
Like little Jack Horner
Watching naughty videos play
While sparky was snarky
And say on his ass all day
This bench would be perfect for my knotty girlfriend…..(you know….”sturdy”)
I’m not sure I’d want a naughty bench that has random dark spots.
*tsk*tsk*tsk*
I’m looking at all of you.
If that bench could only speak…
It would shout, Get Your Fat Behind Off of ME!
Oil…
Soap…
Murphy’s… Oil… Soap…
Oh YES!!!
It puts the oil soap on its skin.
My kitty cat’s name was Murphy!
I hear that the bench is completely devoid of all empathy and emotion, it’s cold, calculating, there isn’t a moment that goes by that it’s not thinking homicidal thoughts. It sends cryptic wood carved etchings of ‘J+A 4 ever’ to police and newspapers alike.
You’d do best to this warning: this is not the last time you will see the Naughty Table Killler! YSaClisters beware! It might show up next time as a “French Provindetial Table” and you’ll all remember the time I warned you, I said that table should never have been released from Bed Bath & Beyond… Remember!
Probably more like a Frenck Pervertional Table [hurrhurr]
What’s that you say, you naughty bench?
“Give me $25.00”???
Oh, you’re just asking for it now!
So…if you rub a naughty bench would you get a silver?
That’s not what I get when I rub it.
Excuse me, naughty bench and I are busy, right now. Come back later.
Maybe I could buy the naughty bench is for my not-a-lions to be naughty not-a-lions on (try to say that five times fast).
I think imma gonna has to join the corner crowd now.
Why is it we get more comments on naughty corner day? You people are disthpicable!
Thanks! You meant disthpicable in a good way, right??
Surely we need Santa to decide if the bench has really been naughty. He’s never around when you actually want to see him, is he? Like policemen.
All your ass is belong to us!
One day I saw a sturdy bench.
Upon it sat a purdy wench.
The bench was made of naughty pine.
The wench, she spoke a naughty line.
My face, it blushed a real bright red.
Because of what the wench had said.
“This naughty bench has brought you luck.”
“Come over here so we can …
…eat some sammiches and drink some nice refreshing tea.”
Point 1: Um, that’s not ē pine.
Point 2: It doesn’t matter how sturdy you say it is.
Point 3: The “fuzzy picture” is a sure indicator of high quality. It’s right up there with the sofa not pictured but the same color as the white cat on the blue sofa.
Point 4: Asking $25, huh? So you’re asking my money instead of me, huh? Okay.
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