You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: unclear on the concept

  • YSaC, Vol. 420: The house also comes with hot and cold running heroin.

    FREE MARIJUANA PLANTS!! ([entire address posted!])

    I just moved into a new house and I found what appears to be 7 female marijuana plants. The plants are about 4-5 feet tall each and are about to bud. I will also give away the buds and seeds that have been produced buy these plants.
    If you would like to pick these up, please call Junior @ xxx-xxx-xxxx.

    Thanks.

    Do you think this person is operating under the “it’s not illegal if I don’t sell it” theory? I mean, he certainly seems to know a lot about marijuana plants for someone who is uninterested in keeping them. I suppose it’s also possible someone is trying to get Junior busted. Or robbed.

    Regardless, posting your full address and phone number when advertising marijuana is probably a pretty bad idea:

    QUINCY, Mass. — A man has been arrested after he allegedly placed an advertisement on Craigslist selling marijuana. Police said undercover detectives responded to the advertisement and bought a small bag of pot from 30-year-old Christopher Gray for $45.

    According to police, Christopher Gray posted the advertisement on the online classified site with the words “420 help is here.” The item read “Give me a ring if you need some help,” and listed a phone number, which a detective called Friday and arranged for a meeting with Gray in Quincy.

    Junior may be moving to another new house soon. To Junior’s credit, this is the most coherent advertisement for marijuana that I’ve ever seen, so hopefully he’ll enjoy the prison library.

    Thanks for the submission, Katika!

  • YSaC, Vol. 418: Stain, stain, stain …. stain of fools …

    oversized chair (middlefield)

    This item is free, oversized comfy chair…would be great with a cover, and it’s free!
    415a

    I like how they’re really highlighting the “free” part. Unfortunately, free rhymes with the word I can’t help but thinking of when I look at this chair. That unfortunate linguistic coincidence disinclines me towards taking this chair, regardless of how “great” it would be with a cover. Unless that cover is made of antibacterial latex and is two feet thick, I think I’ll pass, thanks.

    Although, on second thought, it doesn’t look too bad compared to these …
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 411: Next thing you know, people will be buying things in Second Life. Oh, wait.

    Twitter Account — 5,000 followers!!! – $200

    OVER 5000 followerers to tweet your messages to. Many people have a hundred or two.. you can get your blog, website, business, etc out to 5000 people at one time. OVER 5000 people!!! Yes your reading that right. I looked on Ebay and someone wants 100.00 for 300 followers. 200 is a great price for 5000 followers!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! 5000.You can use your business name (if still available) and any email you want… I take paypal only.. Or if your in the hudson valley, I’m in fishkill and I can take cash.

    Or you could, you know, open your own free Twitter account and get followers the old fashioned way.

    Here’s the thing that confuses me the most about this — let’s say you start a Twitter account and get 5,000 followers by tweeting things related to happy fluffy bunnies or something. (Everyone loves happy fluffy bunnies, right?) And then you decide, for whatever reason, to sell your happyfluffybunny Twitter account, and it gets bought by someone who, I don’t know, sells steampunk goggles made from old tuna fish cans.

    Suddenly happyfluffybunny is now tweeting about the merits of Chicken of the Sea cans vs. generic cans. Why would the happyfluffybunny people stick around for the SteampunkTuna tweets? Doesn’t anyone ever un-follow anyone on Twitter? I mean, the first time SteampunkTuna starts posting about poptop lids vs can opener lids, wouldn’t his followers drop from 5,000 to 37 immediately? There’s not much of an overlap in the Venn diagram of happyfluffybunny lovers and SteampunkTunaGoggle aficionados.

    Or maybe it’s just me.

    Speaking of Twitter, and me, you should really follow You Suck at Craigslist on Twitter! (See what I did there?) I post random hilarious things there including bonus short Craigslist ads and strange search engine results. (How did someone end up on YSaC by searching for “stewardess flatulence”? Never mind, I don’t want to know.)

    Thanks for the submission, Dani!

  • YSaC, Vol. 410: Unemployment problem solved!

    Stuff Coordinator /part-time job/ $1000 monthly

    Condrea Group is a large European company. We are currently hiring employees in the USA for the position of Stuff Coordinator. This is a part-time job. The schedule of work 1-3 hours per day.

    Duties:

    Forwarding of post parcels to our customers.

    Primary job requirements:

    * Age over 21 years
    * Basic knowledge of the computer
    * Ability to print and scan documents
    * Ability to lift packages weighing up to 40 lbs
    * Accuracy and responsibility

    Send your resume for consideration.

    Sarah sends this listing, saying, “I love stuff! I could totally be a stuff coordinator. I wonder what kind of stuff I’ll be coordinating. I can’t wait to put that title on my new business cards!”

    Best of luck with your new job, Sarah. I’m sure there’s absolutely no chance that this is a scam; after all, you’d have a title and everything! After a few months, they’ll move you up to managing things. After that, who knows? Maybe you’ll become head of widgets, doodads and gizmos. Just remember us little people when you’re a big, important doohickey specialist, okay?

  • YSaC, Vol. 409: In which drmk has writer’s block.

    Sigh. I can’t think of anything today. I can’t seem to put the words together in the right way. If only there was someone to help me!

    want to say something to someone in a letter

    hi-did you ever want to tell someone how you felt,or let someone know where your coming from??well for 22-dollars cash,you can tell me how you feel,or whats on your mind,,,and ill put it into words,and mail them a letter from you to get your point across,,anything from girlfriends-boyfriends divorce,to just letting a friend know how you feel,,trust me i have helped many by just putting words together and putting a point across,thank you,hope to hear from you,,jim

    Hoorah! I’m saved! Jim can help me put my words — and my commas — together! $22 is a small price to pay for having someone understand me so completely. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go divorce my girlfriends-boyfriends. Jim will take over from here.

    Thanks for the submission, Tina!

  • YSaC, Vol. 408: Kurzsichtiger Epileptikerdachs, in case you were wondering.

    Custom Pink Coffee Table – $5

    Customized coffee table with lower rack and wheels.

    408a408b

    You know, there just isn’t a good way to describe this coffee table. “Customized” isn’t quite the right word, is it?

    Now that I think about it, I’m not sure English HAS the right word to describe this coffee table, since there isn’t a word that means “appears to have been spraypainted by a nearsighted epileptic badger with an anger management problem”. I’m sure German has a word for that, though.

    Thanks to “The Shanimal” for the submission!