You Suck at Craigslist

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  • YSaC, Vol. LXI

    watermelon (dt)

    Refrigerated watermelon up for grabs! A friend brought it over last week and i didn’t have the heart to tell him i dont like watermelon. I know I know, you may ask… But how can you not love watermelon??? … Well let me tell you … Not EVERYONE loves gosh darn stupid watermelon! Sorry , i have some watermelon issues. It is brand new, never tasted never man handled. It feels heavy.

    Make an offer kids.

    So it’s Saturday night and there’s nothing on TV so you go to the fridge and then it hits you. There’s a freaking watermelon in there. It’s been there since last week, but it’s only just hit you. (Maybe you were on a happy adventure.)

    But wait–you don’t like watermelon. In fact, you have “watermelon issues.”

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. LX

    Commercial Aluminum Letters – $20

    I have about half of the Letters we took out of our coffee store. The full set cost $1800. Sell all reamining letters $20.

    Just in case you were wondering what you can spell out of “epresso chileo beans i m m puhierw”, which is my best interpretation of the letters above, you can make “Now misshape imbecile superhero.” (Which, I think, was the Wonder Twins.) I can see that phrase coming in handy in all sorts of situations.

  • YSaC, Vol. LIX

    Sander for trade – Butthead

    im looking to trade my sander for a bicycle or some roller skates

    call me up
    Butthead 3000 i stole the sander from the dude in the circle

    In case you can’t read it, the caption on the picture says, “I stole this sander from the guy in the circle.”

    Here, take these roller skates. I stole them from the women’s roller derby team. I also gave them your phone number and told them you stole them.

  • YSaC, Vol. LVIII

    Faux Fur Dog Coat/Jacket NEW (Large) Adorable Ivory w/ pearl detail – $15

    $15 Cash! Faux-fur jacket with ribbon and pearl-like accent at the neck. 16” at neck, 17” at back, 22” around middle.

    It’s a good thing the dog is wearing a fur coat. It looks really pleased about it as well.

    Actually, the dog sort of looks like it would talk with a snooty British accent. “I say, Jeeves, can you hold my fur coat out of the way while I drink out of the toilet? Thank you, my good man.”

  • YSaC, Vol. LVII

    Do not hire a Personal Trainer!

    Do not purchase personal training sessions from a gym. They are a complete joke, I know because that is what I used to do. Learn to exercise for yourself and no longer leave your fitness goals to another person. Learn your muscle groups and how they work! Learn how to construct a healthy diet that helps you achive your goals. You can learn this in no more than 8-15 hours. Do not be held hostage by lack of knowledge.

    Contact John S. at xxx-xxx-xxxx
    Certified by the N.C.S.F proof of certification provided.
    $300.00 plus gym fees if applicable. No hidden costs, guaranted in writing.

    That’s right, don’t hire a personal trainer. Hire me! I’m a … former personal trainer. That’s different, see, and better. And I’ll be happy to charge you between $20-$37.50 an hour to explain why.

  • Apologies …

    … for the lack of updates this weekend. Real life interfered, as it sometimes does, and I was unable to do my usual trolling of Craigslist.

    As always, if you find something on Craigslist that deserves to be memorialized here, feel free to send it to yousuckatcraigslist at gmail dot com.