You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 300: Either that, or it’s an elaborate meet-cute.

    Need hot hot guy – 29

    Need hot guy, b ut not for sex, just make my hubby jealous. $100 easy money.

    Must send pic and be white between 25 and 35.

    It’s a time-honored female technique; make your male partner jealous and he will want to spend more time with you. Luckily, most women outgrow this technique sometime around their 8th grade Sadie Hawkins Dance.

    I can’t think of a single way that this scenario can turn out well, and I can think of plenty of ways that this can end in the hospital. That’s always a bad sign.

  • YSaC, Vol. 299: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

    Beef Jerky that looks like USA map – $50

    It is a vacuum sealed package of beef jerky that resembles a map of the USA, without Florida. See picture. 296

    Oh, goody! I’ll put it right next to my Sistine Chapel ceiling tile.

    If you turn it on its side, it sort of looks like an obscene SpongeBob Squarepants, too.

    Sent in by Becci — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 298: Mmmmm, raisins.

    Chef Brian says – m4w – 20

    It is a fairly common misconception that you cant make windows out of brick.
    Most people feel that brick is too soggy. And I can assure you, it is a shoe.
    Scientist have discovered that 9 out of 10 shoes are numb. This brings up a disturbing question.

    DOES COFFEE BLEED!?

    If infact it does then one most consider the possibility that all life is a giant cake mold.
    But instead of delicious gooey, cake batter we are filled with raisins.

    It’s too well-organized to be a spambot. I’m filing this one under “trying too hard” because it feels as though this person is attempting to be random and quirky. You can’t ATTEMPT to be random and quirky — you either are, or you aren’t. This person isn’t.

    [Edited to add: and, as it turns out, this person is plagiarizing from a webcomic. See link in comments!]

    Sent in by SD — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 297: The next topic is dish soap.

    This was posted in writing gigs:

    Creative Writer

    In an need of a creative writer, the item is Area rugs and carpets.

    Please send quotes

    We’ve got some creative people here — even though this ad isn’t very inspirational (or, for that matter, informative), let’s see what we can come up with! Area rugs and carpets — ready, set, write!

    [Sent in by fly_girl_5000 — thanks!]

  • YSaC, Vol. 296: The line forms to the right.

    looking for the perfect woman – 28

    im a single dad looking for a well off woman with a career, and a nice house. You must not have a problem being the primary breadwinner. I enjoy traveling so earning enough to do that frequently is a must. Im a nice guy love to hang out and just relax. Im 28, i cant cook, clean, or do laundry. Perhaps i could learn. I’m very efficient on a computer, and xbox. I have no formal education, and I enjoy to drink. Dont do any drugs, so dont worry about that. If you are interested we could set up and interview, and see if your right for the job.

    Translation: I’m looking for someone who can support me in the manner in which I wish to become accustomed.

    Thank goodness he doesn’t do drugs, so that won’t get in the way of his not doing anything else around the house but drinking and playing xbox games.

    Also, maybe it’s just me, but it seems to me that if you’re looking to become a kept man, shouldn’t you be the one being interviewed?

  • YSaC, Vol. 295: YSaC, Vol. 295.

    Raggedy Ann – $3

    Raggedy Ann

    Raggedy Ann? Raggedy Ann.

    That’s really all it said. And it was in the cd/dvd/vhs category.

    I don’t think it can get any more vague than that.

    Or can it?

    Stuff – $1

    For sale!

    Generally, I’m not a big fan of stuff. I prefer things. For things, I’d be willing to spend $1.50.

    Thanks, Becci and J.Z., for our daily dose of zen.

    OOOOOHHHHMMMRAGGEDYANNNNNNNNNNNN ….