You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 248: It’s w4m week, bitches!

    A reminder (and plea), folks: if you think the ad you’re sending me might get flagged for removal, copy and paste the ad into your email! If you can include pictures, even better. Quite a few of the w4m ads that folks sent in disappeared between the time they were sent in and the time I got to them.

    Actually, it’s a good idea all around — when my job/life gets in the way, sometimes I don’t get to look at listings until a couple of days later, and things do disappear off of Craigslist in that time. (Yes, I have to work! Believe it or not, this ad-free site does not support me in the manner to which I desire to become accustomed. I don’t even have a lucrative book contract. I know, I know … there is no justice in this world.)

    Anyway, by the time I got to this one, the ad had been flagged; luckily, Emily had included the text in her email … but sadly, not the picture. Emily’s vivid description helps fill in the mental image, though.

    I want to hear from a romantic man.. – 30

    some words that describe me are witty, sporty, optimistic, and single.
    I am quite sweet, FEMALETRAITS2, FEMALETRAITS3, and FEMALETRAITS4.  I have an hourglass figure, a beautiful face, and a beautiful personality to match!  I am searching for a person who cares what I have to tell them.  Please be sensitive, drama-free and sure of what you are looking for in a woman. If you like what you’ve read then just contactl me and we’ll go from there.

    Emily says, “How could any man pass her up? She’s looking for romance, that’s why she’s wearing eyeliner like a 14-year-old who hasn’t figured out the difference between slutty and sexy. And, don’t forget, she possesses not only FEMALETRAITS2 and FEMALETRAITS3, she’s also surprisingly, refreshingly FEMALETRAITS4. If I were a man, I’d “contactl” her right now.”

    You know, I can never get the database merge function in Word to work either. (I always end up sending things to FIRSTNAME LASTNAME in CITY, ST.) I’d never have thought about failing to use database merge correctly to spam Craigslist with fake w4m ads. I guess that’s why I don’t earn the big bucks — I have a lack of vision on how to fail.

    Edited to add: Since I queued this one up, there have been articles on Reddit (among others) about this very topic … apparently the Database Merge Fail Scenario is exactly what has been happening! If you do a google search for craigslist +femaletrait2, you get a whole pile of results, tons of which point to deleted/flagged Craigslist posts (or those posts aggregated to other sites) from the same stupid spammer.

    I’m very, very amused.

  • YSaC, Vol. 247: Let me guess .. you’re divorced, right?

    And now for your daily dose of rampant misogyny …

    Boat/Stuff/cheap..

    Please!!
    No BUba thinking picking a free deal….
    Most ive bought was Quailty (G0/2/Marine.com}(West/Marine} No! Wall-Mally Crap!!
    Item….1 Bimini Top.. Was $325.. sell for for $125. 88”wide x56” high 7’x7” long.. please if u women cant mesure d/not e-mail..
    Boat Propeller 14” x 19 deg’s Stainless Steel all most new. look at most marine shop’s …Fish/Finder /Eagle /Ultra/Classic..Lady dont call what color come’s in White…Next!!! G.P.S. Garmin!! 2003 yep old but work’s like new..V.H.F. Realistic Marine Radio!! Yes LADY,, it’s a so called c/b but no V.H.F. ask your dad!! next Item///Last … Outboard/tram/mount/great .. recommended not over 40hp.. Call PH.xxx-xxxx E-Mail xxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com [location]..

    Clearly no women could ever be entrusted to MESURE something properly, and obviously women are so stupid that they have to ask a man to explain complicated things like VHF radios. After all, we’re more worried about things like whether the propeller will match our handbag and shoes.

    It was really difficult for me to not leave in the phone number and email on this one, and to not encourage those of us with two X chromosomes to call this guy repeatedly and ask stupid questions about what he’s selling. (Or even better, find someone really knowledgeable about them and ask him questions that would stump him!) But I’m a good girl. Just ask my dad.

    Sent in by Dan, who obviously knows about this kind of stuff since he’s a guy and all.

  • YSaC, Vol. 246: Is there a world record for simultaneous reclination?

    4 Recliner Curved Sofa

    Want to buy a curved 4 recliner sofa

    Is that a question, or a statement?

  • YSaC, Vol. 245: If we … you … wait, what?

    2br – If we Charged what you wanted to Pay, You wouldn’t want to live here..

    Face it, if you pay a little more, you usually get a little better.
    2 bed 1 bath over the management office. Heat HW AC too. And …parking . This is [location] #405
    We offer a brand new fitness center, tennis courts, parking, 24 hour maintenance, 24 hour public safety, reasonably priced rents-many include heat, hot water and a/c; 3 stops to South Station, #8 bus line next to our property for convenience to Northeastern, Longwood Medical Center, BU School of Public Health , Boston Medical Center. Also easy on/off to 93 Southeast Expressway. Minutes to Redline on foot less by bus. 3000 of our residents can’t be wrong

    [Location]
    A Good Place to Live

    Call
    xxx xxx xxxx
    [Location] Leasing
    [Address] [obviously in Boston]

    Nichole sends this one in, saying, “Okay, the fish makes whatever you charge totally worth it!”

    Be sure to read the fine print on the contract, though — some of those places will promise you a 20 pound fish and then have a tiny clause in the contract that says, “20 pound fish may not be available in all units.” Then you’re all moved in, and you ask about your fish, and they say, “Well, unfortunately, it’s only available in three-bedroom units.” Then you’re stuck.

  • YSaC, Vol. 244: Also available in … ew.

    Free couch Cream

    Must pick up TODAY.

    Jennie sends this one, saying, “I can understand their urgency. Couch Cream expires so fast after you open it.”

    Hmmm, I wonder why that made me think of this one, sent in by Allison?

    Sofa cum bed – $225

    We bought a comfortable futon from Ikea about six months back. It is a beige color sofa cum bed and is in very good condition, just like new.

    Product Descriptions are given below –
    Key features
    Easy to keep clean with a removable,machine washable cover.
    Choose from three different mattresses and a variety of covers to create a combination that suits you – covers are still available in Ikea.
    Easily converts into a bed big enough for two.
    Extra covers are available for variation and renewal.
    Pliable mattress in high-resilient polyurethane foam and latex molds itself to the shape of your body; has extra long lifespan and is suitable for use every night.
    Mattress filled with high resilient polyurethane foam with a top layer of latex; follows the contours of your body and helps keep your backbone straight.
    Latex facilitates air circulation in the mattress and helps moisture to evaporate.

    We are selling it for $225.00. The same is available in Ikea for $350.00 + taxes = $375.00.

    If you are ineterested, please contact me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. We can always reconsider the price.

    Can you reconsider the use of the word ‘cum‘? Yes, it means “along with” or “in addition to”, but really? Really? Did you not stop to think that if you’re advertising something that could be used as a couch or a bed, that using the word cum might not be the best choice?

    Because now I’m imagining … well, never mind what I’m imagining. But it’s sticky.

  • YSaC, Vol. 243: Burning crosses are not warm and fuzzy.

    Warm your heart and soothe your soul – $25

    243b

    Kira sends this in, saying, “Yikes, because nothing says heartwarming like the KKK riding off into the sunset….”

    Is it just me, or does it look like they’re riding alpacas? Or maybe tauntauns?

    I’ve blurred the phone number and link to the artist’s home page, because after looking at the other works displayed there, I honestly don’t think that “Early Racist Art” was quite the genre s/he was going for — although I can’t figure out what it would be otherwise! Any ideas?