You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: zen

  • YSaC, Vol. 362: Bonus points for an alexandrine.

    free bike

    free bike it wokes nice
    giving out to any1
    cant ride no more

    This is, disappointingly, one syllable (and one profound meaning) short of a haiku.

    I think more people should write their Craigslist ads in poetic meters. Imagine reading ads in iambic tetrameter:

    The dainty water fountain and
    The graceful neck of swans aloft
    Conceal the greater truth since it’s
    A lamp with dolphins, damn it all.

    And speaking of the rare dolphin-swan lamp-fountain, Althea sent me an email pointing out that the “swan fountain” had been recently relisted with the exact same text (and same price). Obviously they would have had more success selling it if they used my quatrain above.

    Bike post sent in by atomic cate — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 323: I’d ask them if Jesus rode a dinosaur.

    An Unabridged Interview With Jesus

    I’m conducting an interview for a book with a person who remembers the life of Jesus. If you were to take part in the interview, what would your question or questions be?

    Now’s your chance, folks — if you were to interview someone who remembers the life of Jesus, what would you ask them?

    [Thanks for the submission, Catherine!]

  • YSaC, Vol. 295: YSaC, Vol. 295.

    Raggedy Ann – $3

    Raggedy Ann

    Raggedy Ann? Raggedy Ann.

    That’s really all it said. And it was in the cd/dvd/vhs category.

    I don’t think it can get any more vague than that.

    Or can it?

    Stuff – $1

    For sale!

    Generally, I’m not a big fan of stuff. I prefer things. For things, I’d be willing to spend $1.50.

    Thanks, Becci and J.Z., for our daily dose of zen.

    OOOOOHHHHMMMRAGGEDYANNNNNNNNNNNN ….

  • YSaC, Vol. 293: Kids would ask for it by name if they knew what the hell it was.

    This one was in the European Craigslist, but is just as inexplicable as the posts in the US:

    Velvet Ovlatine – EUR22 (SG)

    Hand make version of this velvet drink, ready for the ripe drinking. I got the powder, just need to milk to mix with it.

    Anyone in the area that wants to share the mix, please reply. Oh and I think we could use a harpoon to help mix it.
    Remember – english is my 2nd language – beauty marks, and moles come first.

    All trades plus shipping and handling. BYOB.
    293

    I think I speak for many, many people when I say, “… what?”

    Lotte sends this one in, saying, “I’m not even sure if this is a really subtle ad for some casual encounter of some sorts. The Ovaltine is hand-made, and it also says: I got the powder, just need TO milk to mix with it. Milking what, I just shudder to think really. Not to mention the harpoon reference. Plus a reference to beauty marks and moles AND the fact that the ad was placed under ‘barter’. Maybe Ovlatine is a whole other thing than Ovaltine. You know what I mean? *nudge nudge* *wink wink*….Now I feel sick.”

  • Vol. 273: Miss Teen South Carolina sells furniture, y’all!

    WHOLE DINNING TABLE – $450

    WHOLE DINNING TABLE AND OTHER BIG CLOSETS THAT YOU CAN USE THAT ARE MADE FROM OVER THAN 65 YEARS AGO WICH IS THE STYLE AND LOOK BEAUTIFUL.YOU WILL NEED A BIG TRUCK TO BRING HE THINGS OUT.THE DINNING TABLE CAN BE SPLIT AND FIT 24 PEOPLE!IT COMES WITH A COVER THAT IS NOT TO HARD AND COVERS THE WOOD THAT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL AND FEELS LIKE IT IS GLASS BUT IT IS NOT.IT COMES WITH 6 CHAIRS,BUT YOU NEED TO ADD MORE CHARS TO MAKE IT 24 PEOPLE .IT WILL NOT HAVE LESS SPACE THAN 24 PEOPLE TO FIT IN.REMEMBER IT IS CHIP FOR THIS PLUS THE CLOSET AND THE SHELVS THAT COME IN ANOTHER CLOSET BUT IT DOES NOT USED FOR CLOSE,IT IS USED FOR GEST FOR A NICE LOOK BUT YOU CAN STELL PUT STOFF ON OR IN IT.SO E-MAIL ME KNOW AT YOU CAN CALL ANY TIME FOR MORE INF. AT CELL # xxx-xxx-xxxx [NAME]60@YAHOO.COM!

    I PERSONALLY BELEVE THAT THE REESON CHILDERN CANT FIND THE DINNING TABLE IS BECUASE NOT ALL PEPLE HAVE DINNING TABLES, AND IF YOU HAVE A DINNING TABLE BUT ONLE 6 CHARS YOU NEAD MAOR CHARS TO MAKE IT 24 PEOPLE. AND THE CLOSET THAT DOES USED FOR GEST NOT PEPLE BUT THERE ARE SHELVS FOR STOFF. AND THE IRAQ AND THE SOUTH AFRICA EVERYWHERE LIKE SUCH AS.

    Edited to add: This was submitted by Victoria. Thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 270: If it’s old, it must be valuable, right?

    Antique Buffet (very old) – $1100

    This buffet is very old, How I know, because my Aunt who owned it (at one time) was very old before she passed. Best offer and it is yours. No worries… she told me to sell it…. 😉

    2701270a

    Professor: “Good morning, class, and welcome to Logic 101. Today, we’re going to study the logical fallacy known as cum hoc ergo propter hoc. Who can tell me what’s wrong with this statement?

         My aunt is old.
         My aunt owned this buffet.
         Therefore, this buffet is old."

    Snowflake K. Student: “Um ….. my aunt isn’t old anymore because she’s dead?”
    Professor: “Not exactly. Anyone else?”
    Precious B. Student: “If it’s your aunt’s buffet you don’t have permission to sell it?”
    Professor: *heavy sigh* “Try again.”
    Design R. Student: “Ooooh, I know! The buffet is ugly, the support beam is broken, and there’s no way it’s worth $1000?”
    Professor: “I give up. I’m going to go outside and yell at squirrels for a while.”

    Meanwhile, at Sylvia Plath’s favorite furniture shop:
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