You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 362: Bonus points for an alexandrine.

Written by

drmk

in

,

free bike

free bike it wokes nice
giving out to any1
cant ride no more

This is, disappointingly, one syllable (and one profound meaning) short of a haiku.

I think more people should write their Craigslist ads in poetic meters. Imagine reading ads in iambic tetrameter:

The dainty water fountain and
The graceful neck of swans aloft
Conceal the greater truth since it’s
A lamp with dolphins, damn it all.

And speaking of the rare dolphin-swan lamp-fountain, Althea sent me an email pointing out that the “swan fountain” had been recently relisted with the exact same text (and same price). Obviously they would have had more success selling it if they used my quatrain above.

Bike post sent in by atomic cate — thanks!

Comments

39 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 362: Bonus points for an alexandrine.”

  1. princessluceval Avatar
    princessluceval

    It is almost a thing of beauty. The meter does flow haiku-like. And it’s an easy fix, too.

    free bike it wokes nice
    giving out to any1
    cant ride *it* no more

    But two questions: first, does a bike sleep? It’s nice to know it doesn’t woke up grumpy. Second, I really think it should’ve been “caint” instead of “cant.”

    1. Colleen in MA Avatar
      Colleen in MA

      (((clapping)))

      1. casualencounters.com/blog/ Avatar
        casualencounters.com/blog/

        That better be with one hand…

        1. Alex Avatar
          Alex

          And a one-handed clap for YOU sir/ma’am. Great ref.

    2. Buster Poindexter Avatar
      Buster Poindexter

      *does a bike sleep?*

      Only when it’s too tired (two-tired, get it?).

      1. iconoclastiac Avatar
        iconoclastiac

        *groan* a good (bad) one!

  2. WordSprite Avatar
    WordSprite

    That actually is rather profound. Ah, the act of giving makes one’s losses that much lessened…

    Maybe he was thinking about the spokes when he was typing? We have a daycare near here that’s called “Stoke’s Nest” (I swear)- maybe this bikegiver-writer wokes there?

  3. Maureen Avatar
    Maureen

    I’m confused. Does it work nice or look nice?

    1. Addicted Reader Avatar
      Addicted Reader

      Yes.
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .
      Or maybe no.

  4. kt Avatar
    kt

    sounds like a slutty bike if he’s letting just anyone ride it

  5. Jimakaphil Avatar
    Jimakaphil

    I’m not gonna lie, I sort of want to purchase that dolphin/swan lamp/fountain after reading that poem.

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      It’s apparently still available! (Or at least was.)

  6. Jill Avatar
    Jill

    Free stuff always goes faster on Craigslist if accompanied by a poem!

  7. Layne Avatar
    Layne

    I actually got a free microwave from Craigslist by composing a haiku.

  8. Evan Avatar
    Evan

    I don’t even know how to woke, this bike is perfect for me. It can teach me to woke and I will, in turn, teach it to haul me around while I write poetry upon it. Only in my dreams…. or on Craigslist!

  9. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    May is National Walk or Ride A Bike to Work month. Too bad I already have a bike that wokes. It’s hanging up in the shed, and it wokes me in the haid every day!

    Edit: That is almost a poem!

  10. HamCan Avatar
    HamCan

    Take it for free it “wokes” nice
    Were his words of sage advice
    He can’t ride no more
    Cuz the bike is a whore
    It showed up on Miami vice

    1. Addicted Reader Avatar
      Addicted Reader

      Cute puppy!!!!

  11. Dave and the ferret Avatar
    Dave and the ferret

    If Sparky had corrected the double negative in the last line, it would be a haiku. As Frankie sang, “So close, so close and yet so far.”

  12. ToBScholarly Avatar
    ToBScholarly

    [Insert some geeky jokes about a bike, wokes and ewoks here]

    I cannot seem to manage it this morning.

  13. ghostcat Avatar
    ghostcat

    I’ve been looking for a free skateboard that woks good.

    So close.

    1. Addicted Reader Avatar
      Addicted Reader

      Does that mean it makes tasty food if you don’t clean it?

  14. TypoMagic Avatar
    TypoMagic

    Doctor, can I ride the bike anymore?

    Yes you can.

    Well I couldn’t before!

    1. LaKitta Avatar
      LaKitta

      Dangit, Taco! That’s actually been in my head all week and I had *just* gotten it out!

  15. CapnMac Avatar
    CapnMac

    I grok a bike that wokes
    But, can it have wheels that woks
    Or, do I ask too much?

  16. Astrognash Avatar
    Astrognash

    Free bike that wokes nice
    sparky almost makes haiku
    craigslist plus stupid.

  17. Addicted Reader Avatar
    Addicted Reader

    This is an excellent example of finding the poetry, and hence the beauty, of everyday life. Sparky’s writings discuss this at length in a way that is itself nearly poetic. Even when waxing nostalgic about his bike that he cannot ride any more, Sparky teaches us a profound lesson about poetic forms. Sparky is “one syllable (and one profound meaning) short of a haiku,” but this clearly was intentional. Despite the small moments of beauty that can be found in our lives, we still feel incomplete. We are always waiting for the next new thing, the other shoe to drop. The incompleteness of Sparky’s haiku speaks deeply to the yearning we all feel, which is such a foundational aspect of the human psyche.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Ar, are you feeling okay? Do you need a drink or a vitamin or something?

      1. Addicted Reader Avatar
        Addicted Reader

        Windy, I just went back and looked, and you didn’t sign off yesterday! My world is crumbling around me.

        1. Addicted Reader Avatar
          Addicted Reader

          And yes, I’m fine, though sleeping on the couch with my contacts still in is getting more tempting by the second…

        2. Addicted Reader Avatar
          Addicted Reader

          That was my way of saying that I’m sleepy.

          The weather was beautiful, and I walked a lot, but now I’m not sure I can convince myself to move. And Mr.AR’s at work for another 2 hours, so he’s not here to carry me to the bed. I suppose he could do that when he gets home, but that still doesn’t solve the problem of my contacts needing to come out.

        3. Addicted Reader Avatar
          Addicted Reader

          And now I’m just conversing with myself b/c I’m tired and bored and “stuck” on the couch w/ my laptop.

          The worst part is that I’m keeping myself awake b/c I know it’ll be painful to take out my contacts if I try to do it right after sleeping. So I’m not sleeping, but I’m not getting up and going to bed either.

        4. ToBScholarly Avatar
          ToBScholarly

          If I knew the correct haiku format (too lazy to Google right now), I would write you one with your self-conversation as a theme.

        5. Addicted Reader Avatar
          Addicted Reader

          5 syllables
          7 syllables
          5 syllables

          I think I’m going to close the laptop and roll off the couch now. Whether I end up sleeping in bed or on the floor is as yet TBD.

          Good night.

        6. Angel Avatar
          Angel

          I slept on the couch the other night with my contacts in, with cats and a dog as my blanket. It was surprisingly restive: the couch is right next to the fireplace and it was raining. All I remember is the sound of rain on the flue, the purrs of the cats and the hound dog snores. It was deep restive sleep, although I *did* have to deal with the contacts the next morning.

        7. Addicted Reader Avatar
          Addicted Reader

          Our couch is *very* comfortable. I’ve slept on it before. But the memory of the last time I had to deal with my contacts after waking up on the couch got me to bed properly.

  18. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    AR, if you read this tomorrow, yeah, I stopped punching out because no one was reading it. I might start doing it earlier in the day, but don’t know yet. Anyway, I’m glad someone noticed. It’s going to make it harder to remember who was in the box now. Hmmmmm. I need to sleep on it. G’night, folks!

    1. LaKitta Avatar
      LaKitta

      FWIW, I use the mobile site which doesn’t have a box, so I always check the punches to see who got the honour.

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        Oh! Thanks for that, LaKitta, I know several folks use mobile too. Okay, I’ll go back to punching or some indication of who was in the box. If you could give me an adore for it, even though it’s not adore-worthy, that lets me know someone read it. 8)

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