You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: asshat

  • YSaC, Vol. 280: It’s not just Craigslist, apparently …

    … people suck at other online classifieds, too. Witness this post on Kijiji, a Canadian classifieds:

    GREAT DEAL, MUST SELL ASAP

    Price: $250.00

    Ad ID: 1xxxxxxx

    Visits: 226

    14 YEAR OLD DEAF WHITE CAT. SPAYED AND SHOTS ARE UP TO DATE. 2 DIFFERENT COLOR EYES. WARNING: ONLY LIKES TO BE PET ON THE HEAD, DO NOT TOUCH HER BODY.  GREAT DEAL, ONLY SELLING BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE HER AS MUCH AS I USED TO. VERY SMART AND SNEAKY CAT, WOULD BE A GREAT ADDITION TO SINGLE MEN’S HOMES. SHE IS VERY POLITE. GIVE HER A CHANCE. ALSO YOU CAN RENAME HER BECAUSE SHE IS DEAF.  ONLY REPLY IF YOU WILL FEED HER SOFT STUFF.
    280f

    *bangs head against computer*

    Apparently this person is used to shouting at their deaf cat — that would explain the all-caps posting. As for the rest of it … apparently the cat is very polite AND very sneaky. She’s politely sneaky. Unless you touch her body, in which case she apparently turns into a whirling dervish of epic proportions.

    And does this person really think they’re going to get $250 for a 14-year-old cat? And that that’s a “great deal”? At that age, their warranty has pretty much expired. Yeah, sure, cats can live into their 20s sometimes, but that’s the exception. At 14, you’re pretty much dealing with a geriatric cat. (Suddenly, in my head, the cat has the voice of Abe Simpson.)

    There’s a bit of a disconnect between “MUST SELL!” and “Only selling because I don’t like her as much as I used to.” I mean, both are asshat-worthy, but tell a different story.

    You know, I don’t like my brother as much as I used to, either. I wonder if I could sell him? Oh, but he’s not deaf, so you couldn’t rename him. And he doesn’t eat only soft stuff.*

    *Full disclosure: I don’t actually have a brother, but if I did, I’m sure this guy would seriously consider selling him.

    Meanwhile, over in the motherland, England has a website called gumtree.com, which contained this post:
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 275: Canine capitalism

    Sheltie/Lab mix puppy

    He is a sweet puppy only 10 weeks old and gets alone with other dogs and kids(he loves to play) I’m asking a rehoming fee of $150 OBO He need to go ASPS

    273

    Regina (from Things I’ve Learned From Wikipedia) sends this one in with her comments.

    “A few thoughts spring to mind:

    1. D’awwww, he’s so liddle!  Who’s a puppy?!  …okay, got that out of my system.
    2. ASPS?  Do they mean that the puppy has to go to a home with poisonous Egyptian snakes?  I’ve only lived in the area for 8 months, maybe it’s a [location] colloquialism?
    3. Look at that photo.  He’s sitting on a car dashboard, and that car is on the highway.  So his current owners have a poor grasp of both acronyms and basic vehicle safety.  Great.

    Someone adopt this dog As Soon… Permitting Snuggles?  And Save Puppy Stuff? Allowing Several Powerful Smells?  *sigh* I give up.”

    How about And Save it from our Prodigious Stupidity? or As Spot becomes Pavement Splatter? (ew.)

    The “rehoming fee or best offer” is what cements the asshat tag for this one. No, really, we’re not selling our dog; we’re just rehoming him for the highest free market value we can receive for him.

  • YSaC, Vol. 274: Plagiarism FTW.

    This is behind a cut because it’s long. Very long. Remember the last time I said that? Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

    another year older today URRRGG!! read on if you dare to laugh!! – 37

    i have posted here a few times before just having fun, please read below and tell me what you think ? ohhh and drinks on me loljust your dorky/nerdy/goober next door neighbor washing his truck in the drive way waving at you as you walk down the street…lol ( and thinking…”yummy” ) lol
    and the next day in the row ahead of you in church farting and blaming the next guy laughing….

    really, i do work hard, yet play hard..own a business that keeps me hoping yet am flexible being the owner…love to meet new people and know no stangers…all walks of life may contact me , im here to meet people, just like you !!!!! so hit me up…

    can you answr my riddles ? for brownie points !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Q.What is the difference between “ooooooh”and “aaaaaaah”?
    answer :”??

    Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    anser ??????

    Q –What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

    Answer?

    ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok okkokooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………ok

    hope you like my below list i cam up with to show you a lil about who i am and also in hopes to make you laugh a lil bit…you should be open minded

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 264: The suck runs deep with this one.

    Free Chickens

    Have 520 chickens-must get off the property IMMEDIATELY! I will NOT give the chickens to black people, I don’t like them! Sorry!
    Call Fat Willie- (270)xxx-xxxx

    This one was flagged almost immediately — what a surprise. And again, it was difficult to restrain myself from leaving in the phone number.

    Jami (from DateWrecks) sent this one in, pointing out that the neighborhood in which this was listed is not exactly country bumpkin land; she says it’s a southern urban area. That’s rather a lot of chickens even if you ARE on a farm, instead of having them running around your three bedroom split-level ranch. I’m thinking Fat Willie might have had a run-in with Animal Control.

    I can’t even make up a funny story in my head about this one. Not to perpetuate stereotypes or anything, but:

    1. Southern
    2. Racist
    3. Going by the sobriquet of “Fat Willie”

    … the “asshat” tag is kind of unavoidable, isn’t it?

  • YSaC, Vol. 261: I didn’t really need proof of that last part. Thanks, though.

    2.5 yr old yellow lab. UTD on shots

    He’s friendly, utd on shots, was raised w/ children and houstrained.

    261b

    I didn’t think it would be possible to take a less-flattering picture of the dog you’re trying to abandon than this one, but these people have managed to do it.

  • YSaC, Vol. 260: Note to self — don’t search for “sexy secretary” with safe search off.

    Sexy Personal Assistant

    I’m looking to hire a personal assistant to help out around my home office. I’m a good looking 28 year old man who runs a small company and I need to hire someone to take care of answering the phones, responding to clients and taking notes while I’m in meetings and just everyday helping out and tidying up around the office. I would like to hire a sexy little 18-25 year old girl. This is a strictly working relationship and not require you to do anything physical with me. I only require that whoever I hire comes to work in cute and sexy outfits to parade the office all day and giving me something to stare at. You would have the opportunity however to make extra money every now and then giving me a lap dance if you were open to that. Serious inquiries only. Looking to fill the position by the end of the week.

    I think someone’s been watching Secretary a few times too many. Would I have to wear the saddle and hold the carrot in my mouth?

    Kim submitted this one, saying, “I kind of want to take the job just so I can sue him for his business later on.  I’m sure I could run it better than this ungrammatical horndog, whatever it is.”

    This really is a lawsuit waiting to happen. I like how it progresses from “strictly working relationship” to “you can give me a lap dance”. Nope, I’m sure there’s no ulterior motives here.

    Maybe he’ll get lucky and get Mrs. Wiggins!