You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: maybe it’s just me

  • YSaC, Vol. 395: Fun with midgets, part 2.

    Need Midget To Drink With

    Group of single male/females that party together on a regular basis are seeking a person of short stature (midget) to hang out with. Do not get us wrong…. This is purely for novelty purposes, but if you’re cool you can really be our friend. Total plus if you are an Asian Midget, with a drinking problem, who has no issues being referred to as Godzilla.

    P.S. We will buy all the beer.

    Translation: We’re asshats.

    Topless Poker Dealer

    Looking for one topless female poker dealer for a house cash game on Saturday July 18th, 2009. We are looking for someone who is hot, so if your old and washed up please don’t even bother applying for this gig. We want a hot, 21-32yr old female with a fabulous rack, nice features and a good sense of humor. Im not going to be rude and put a weight limit in this post but you know who are you, so don’t apply. If your not exactly sure how to deal poker its okay as long as your smoking hot with nice tits we can work around that part. It will pay $10 per hour plus tips and free drinks, shots, etc.

    If you are a Midget you will get front of the line consideration even if you don’t want to go topless.

    Please apply via email with a photo and contact info.

    -Brad P.

    Translation: We’re asshats too, but for additional reasons beyond our midget fascination.

    midgit for birthday party

    I am looking for a midgit for Wednesday night July 29th 2009 to appear at [place] in [location]. All drinks will be provided and a minimum of $50 in tips. A party attitude is a must! We are nice people and are just looking to have a good time with you!

    I’m still a little unclear on when having a token midget friend became the the holy grail of hipsterdom. Then again, I’m most definitely not a hipster.

    Thanks, Lindsay O., Tyler, and Josh, for more midget mania!

  • YSaC, Vol. 394: That would go under ‘Special Skills’.

    HELP Need HR Prof Consult to update resume = $75?

    Seeking a ‘quick’ consult with an experienced “Human- Resource- Group” professional.
    Concerns ‘possible’ risks of submitting resume when could ‘likely’(?) be vetted with a ‘significant’ blot in the public records.

    Let’s say, ‘hypothetically’, that I accidentally ‘killed’ a guy while I was in ‘prison’ for child ‘pornography’. Is that something I should mention in my cover letter, or do I wait for the interview?

    Thanks for the submission, Aubrey!

  • YSaC, Vol. 393: If by “washing” you mean “kill it with fire”, then yes.

    Mens suit (pants and jacket)

    This is a pin striped gray suit the jacket is a 40 L the pants are 33 x 33 Magic Stretch by Haggard. The good thing about it besides being free is it is machine washable. Its been hanging in a bag in the basement closet for at least 7 years now. sooooo… It could use a washing before you wear it.put xxxxxxx in search box to see all things for sale & free

    Oh and we are smokers
    393

    I’ve never, ever associated the phrases “good thing” and “machine washable suit” together before. I’ve also never, ever considered wearing clothing that has been in a smoker’s basement for seven years and that even they describe as “could use a washing”.

    This was sent in by Relentlessly Optimistic, who runs an amusing blog of his own.

  • YSaC, Vol. 392: If you act now, we’ll throw in these lead paint chips for the kids to chew on.

    REDUCED!!!!PROTECTIVE Pad for 42″ table – RETRO 1950’S – $40

    Protective pad for dining table. $40 OBO Make me an offer!
    46″ round; with leaf pad, 46″ wide X 62″ long. Was on my mother’s kitchen table for 50 years, table still looks perfect! It will definitely protect you tabletop! Even from cigarettes! The pad has a few, slight burns on it from my daddy smoking for 30 years!
    My son has the table now that they (my parents) are both deceased. He likes the look of the maple tabletop (that never saw the light of day while mama had it!) The leaf pad has only been used very rarely when we extended the table for holidays, it looks brand new!
    Backing is felt, it’s the brown side in the pic. If not the same as “THE STAR”, it’s very similar!
    The cats in the picture do not come with it, they just like their picture taken!
    So if you want a table pad that is (a) made of asbestos, (b) smells of 30 years worth of smoke, (c) has cigarette burns on it (good thing asbestos doesn’t catch fire!), and (d) may or may not have been used as a cat playground, here you go.
    JenB sent in this ad, saying, “It makes you wonder if the poster’s parents, now both deceased, died from the asbestos exposure or from her Daddy’s 30 years of  smoking.”

  • YSaC, Vol. 391: Did I mention it’s a touching story about a boy and his dog?

    writter to needed

    I have the plot and the outline for one of the best novels to be wriiten. I need a writter who will be able to put the plot together . The book will be one of the best sellers when released

    See, there’s this guy, and he accidentally stumbles upon this conspiracy. And there’s a hot girl who happens to be a scientist, and she doesn’t believe him at first but then realizes he’s right and falls in love with him. And they keep encountering these people who they think they can trust, but some of them turn out to be vampires, and the vampires go to this school where they learn to do magic. And this one vampire is alienated from her family, and there’s a subplot about how she learns to trust her estranged vampire father again. But then the vampire father turns out to be a time traveler, and is part of the conspiracy theory against the other guy. And at the very end, the boat sinks.

    Thanks to Skye for sending in this ad!

  • YSaC, Vol. 390: The peeler / lincoln log set didn’t take off, though.

    Some things just shouldn’t be advertised together:

    Child Gate & knife Set

    Pressure type Child safety Gate. Works well. – $25
    Ronco 25 piece Knife Set with Injector. Comes with holding block. Never been used, still in original box. – $25

    When I read “Child gate & knife set”, I imagine a child’s gate that has slots for knives all across the top of it. It’s the ultimate space saver for the kitchen! Keep your child out of the kitchen and store your cutlery all in one useful multi-tasking tool!

    It’s almost as useful as the Dutch oven and baby bath combo I got as a wedding present. Or the electric child’s swing with built-in cattle prod. Or the child’s swimming pool / jumbo washing machine. Or the … [insert your own idea here … and by here I mean in the comments below!]

    Thanks to Kris for sending this in!