You Suck at Craigslist

Author: dan

  • YSaC, Vol. 1761: It Hertz So Good

    Last week was Mackenzie week, but this week it’s SD week. Thanks to SD for supplying all three of this week’s posts! Sadly, Mackenzie crashed the backhoe, but you’re welcome to come pet the official YSaC sea urchin, “Pointy.”

    [Zip Code] – $150

    i am selling this Samsung Galaxy note 2 with charger unlocked pain is missing scream scratch

    Pain is missing? I think we know who can help with that! (The screaming will probably also be covered.)

    Also, it’s worth noting that the entire title of this post was the zip code where the phone was offered for sale. No mention, for example, of the actual type of item being sold.

    Thanks for the week, SD!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1760: Magic Bust

    kenmore. Elite Matching washer and dryer – $250


    They r brand new and need to sell girl Friends mom got Got one that she’s more room cuz the house is small a top on in the bottom one saw these ones are up for grabs 250. Ob offer thanks

    So you’re selling your girlfriend’s mom? Is that legal? Also, I’m not sure sawing a washer is really good for it. Or is this some sort of magic trick? Wait, I think I’ve seen that one: You push the washer/dryer together, put your girlfriend’s mom in so she’s sticking out of both sides, and then saw it in half. Yeah, that was pretty good. Not as good as making the Statue of Liberty disappear while it was inside a refrigerator, but waay better than escaping from the dishwasher while handcuffed.

    Thanks for the magic, sd!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1759: ALT!

    old – $20

    text

    Just to be clear – I haven’t redacted anything here. The text of the ad is, in fact, the word “text.” If brevity is the soul of wit, then this guy is clearly Stephen Hawking and Oscar Wilde’s illegitimate love child.

    Thanks for the post, SD.

  • YSaC, Vol. 1758: Like whining for chocolate

    Since Mackenzie sent our first two posts this week, let’s go for a trifecta: (That’s Latin for “three fectas”!)

    Searching For A Job Needing Help Without A Boss That…… (All Over)

    IM LOOKING FOR A JOB THAT IS IN NEED OF HELP. BUT I AM NOT LOOKING FOR WORK THAT HAS A BOSS WHO IS A TOTAL JACK-ASS HIPACRITE!!!!!!! A BOSS WHO ISNT A WHINER, CRY-BABY, OR A PUSSY BOSS, WHO QUIET FRANKLY ACTS LIKE A LITTLE BITCH, OR NEEDS AND WANTS MORE THAN A KID WANTING CHOCOLATE. IF YOU ARE A BOSS THAT FITS THIS SUBJECT THEN DO NOT REPLY. I DO TALK ON THE PHONE, TEXT, AND SMOKE. BUT I GET MY WORK AND TASKS DONE.

    This person meets ALMOST all of the criteria I have for a potential employee:

    • They smoke.
    • They text and talk on the phone while on the job.
    • They have no idea how to turn off caps lock…
    • …or when to stop using exclamation points.
    • They can’t spell “Hypocrite.”

    That pretty much summarizes my ideal employee right there. Sadly, I also need someone who lives in (everywhere) rather than (All Over), so I guess I’ll be looking elsewhere.

    Thanks for the week, Mackenzie! Next week, you can drive the YSaC backhoe if you like!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1757: Hey, what’s this button for?

    doomesday preppers

    are you ready to take the next step

    I confess, the first three times I read this, I thought it said “doomsday peppers,” which I assume are basically like ghost peppers, but slightly hotter, such that consuming them brings about the end of the world. (They would only need to be slightly hotter than ghost peppers.)

    However, a more careful reading indicates that it’s actually “Doomesday” peppers. So these are clearly peppers which are used to record land ownership in England and Wales in the 11th century.

    Silly me.

    Thanks for the post, Mackenzie!

  • YSaC, Vol 1756: A Public Service Announcement

    Hello, this is an important public service announcement from You Suck At Craigslist.

    Poptart ad is fake

    Poptart ad is fake

    The more you know…

    This message brought to you by Mackenzie.