You Suck at Craigslist

Category: wanted

  • YSaC, Vol. 1775: Who’s a blurry dog? YOU’RE a blurry dog!

    wanted foam to keep sound out

    we cant use foam from couch. we can use any other foam sheets, rolls . I need 2in x37 in x 41in . its for a window. my dog is afraid of the rain

    If only there were some way to acquire products besides simply posting about your needs to Craigslist. Can you imagine the magical, fantasy world we would be living in if there were some kind of place you could go to get things? Actually, there’s so many different kinds of things, that in this hypothetical utopia, we might want to divide these thing-acquiring-places into categories. There’d be a home-thing-acquiring-place, a food-thing-acquiring-place, and maybe even a thing-acquiring-place devoted entirely to different types of popcorn!

    Wouldn’t that be amazing?

    But since we don’t have that, I suppose the next best thing would be if someone worked out some way to create some sort of internet-virtual-thing-acquiring-place. It would be like the real thing-acquiring-places, but you just wouldn’t be able to poke the things until they arrived at your home.

    We should probably think of a better name than “thing-acquiring-place,” as awesome as that would be in German.

    Maybe the dog could help.

    Thanks for the post, Lace!

  • YSaC, Vol. 462: Next on HGTV — When Decorators Attack!

    wanted-HOME DECORE

    HELLO CRAIGSLIST! HOPE EVERYONE OS DOING WONDERFUL. I HAVE A HUGE REQUEST HERE. MY HOUSE RECENTLY GOT BROKEN INTO AND I AM AHVING TO REPLACE EVERYTHING.. EVEN DOW TO THE FOOD IN MY FRIDGE( LOL) I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING OF THE RUSTIC NATURE,COWBOY,WESTERN THAT THEY ARE WILLING TO PART WITH. DECORE.BLANKETS, HORSESHOES, JOHN DEERE. I AM A JOHN DEERE FANATIC AND OVER 3000 OF MY JD STUFF ALONE WAS TAKEN. ANYTHING WILL BE ACCEPTED.. MY HOME FEELS LIKE A NAKED HOTEL ROOM… TY IN ADVANCE

    This doesn’t sound like a burglary to me so much as it sounds like an interior decorator’s intervention.

    But you know, I know where he could find a rustic statue of a … Texas. That’s rustic, right? Or maybe a raccoon with a gun?

    Thanks to pointyjess for the listing!

  • YSaC, Vol. 428: Can’t sleep. Clowns will get me.

    Here’s one that sits squarely in the “possibly awesome” category:

    Clown for Kicks

    I am looking for someone to dress up like a Clown and hang out with me. I would cook you diner – or we could BBQ something. I’m interested in making my neighbor lady wonder. I have already had a man in a panda costume last month – and also had a heard of sheep come in for the day to cut the grass. (sheep do a good job by the way). A clown would be something.
    Maybe you could bring some balloons – or make balloon animals to hang in my tree. I’d like to have this done some evening between 6pm and dark. The longer you can stay the better (like if you could stay for the whole 3 hours). Do you have any tricks you could do?
    Like I said – I could cook diner and get you drunk – I’d even be willing to pay your cab fare to and from. I don’t have much to offer – and my neighbor lady is driving me nuts – so I want to drive her nuts. If you had a Mime friend – it would be cool to see you two chase each other around the yard or do relay races while I time you.

    Let me know your thoughts – open to Men and Women Clowns.

    I’ve had some annoying neighbors in my day, but nobody yet has warranted bringing in the heavy artillery of sheep and costume characters.

    I once lived in a condo complex that had fairly strict regulations about holiday decorations; residents were only allowed to decorate two weeks before a holiday and one week after. To my amusement, nowhere in the condo bylaws did it say anything about those decorations having to be seasonally appropriate! My fantasy was to acquire a giant mechanical gopher, keep it on my porch year-round, and claim it was a holiday decoration for whatever random holiday was nearest.

    The fatal flaw in that plan turned out to be the general unavailability of giant mechanical gophers. (That, and there are no random holidays in August.)

    Thanks to Ashley and Alisa, who both sent this one in!

  • YSaC, Vol. 389: But I *paid* someone to write it, so that’s okay.

    Sociology research paper (new orleans)

    I need a thorough research paper, 20 pages, 20 sources.
    if you have it already written i am interested.

    • Location: new orleans
    • Compensation: 300$

    Kris sends this listing in, saying, “Really, dude? You’ve got $300 bucks in spare cash but not enough time to do your own school work?”

    Just for fun, I emailed our budding sociologist to ask some important questions — like, what topic? What university and what class? Sadly, I got no response. His loss. (Actually, since I was planning on turning him in to the professor, it might have been the wise choice on his part.)

    Anyway, I wouldn’t have written Sparky’s sociology paper for him, but it probably wouldn’t have been too hard to find someone who would have:

    Harvard Grad custom writes your term papers-no plagiarizing, ever

    I custom-write your paper on any topic you need. Topic research included in price quote. MLA or APA formatting… email me at Smarts4hire@xxxxxxxxxxxx.com for a fast price quote.

    This ad was submitted by Naomi, who says, “The New Oxford American Dictionary says to plagiarize means to “take (the work or an idea of someone else) and pass it off as one’s own.” Note that I ever so carefully cited my source. So, could someone explain to me how it is possible to have someone else write your term paper and to then turn it in under your own name, but still have “no plagiarizing, ever?”

    Sigh. Stay classy, Harvard. (Says the graduate from a different snooty ivy-covered campus …)

  • YSaC, Vol. 372: Excuse me, stewardess? I speak jive.

    Heather sent in this first post, saying, “I don’t understand this at all. Is this code for something? Just trying to read it makes me a little dizzy.”

    Hasings a Wanting: Varg Doll

    Here is foodpeeple
    Has wants of these here mans:
    A ONE Varg doll from the Burzum. BUT and here and exclusive to here is CATCH: must have approvings for the from Varg himselfed.Tragedy happen: last Varg doll purchse?//? MOUNTAIN DUDE BOTTLE EXTRAED WITH DOGHAIRED STAPLED ONAND ALSO THIS VARGHEAD TAPE ON IT!11!!

    Serioused reply to thanks

    thanksed to you mans
    – foodpeeple

    A little digging on Craigslist turned up a few more “foodpeeple” posts, which were all made around the same time:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 370: I’m too sexy for my …

    Stripper clothes for sale 4 outfits – $100

    only accept paypal will ship anywhere once payment is received
    some only worn a few times. out of the business no longer need them.

    I’m trying to imagine a stripper routine that would involve unhooking a corset. Those things are terribly fussy. Someone apparently forgot to tell this person the difference between skimpy and sexy. Also, who knew that strippers could only wear pink?

    LOOKING FOR A EXOTIC DANCE/POLE PARTNER

    IM 35 AND STUDYING THE ART OF EXOTIC/POLE DANCING AND WANTED TO FIND SOMEONE WHO USE TO /OR IS CURRENTLY A EXOTIC/POLE DANCER/TEACHER.(MALE OR FEMALE)..THAT CAN SHOW ME OR STUDY WITH ME……ITS BORING WHEN YOUR STUDYN ALONE…..PLZ CONTACT MS. LIBRA@xxxxxxxxxx…PS…EVEN MATERIALS FOR LEARNING LIKE BOOKS,POLES, STRIPPER SHOES,ETC WILL BE A BLESSING….SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY….!!!!! DONT CALL IF YOUR PLAYING AROUND……

    Do you need some stripper clothes? Do you like pink? Are you shaped like a piece of plywood? ‘Cause if so, I think I can hook you up.