You Suck at Craigslist

Category: farm & garden

  • YSaC, Vol. 1796: Deck Us All With Boston Charlie

    scaffaling – $450




    3. Sets. With. Planks. ..2. Sets. AR.e. 5. By. 5. Tall … 1. Set. Is. 49. By. 6. Tall….3. 10. Ft. Planks. Aluminum. 4. Wheels. Coupllers. . Has. Cross. Pieces. …Calls. Please. ###–####

    It’s the holiday season! And I HATE holiday music! But I still can’t help hearing this one to the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” (start at seven for best effect)

    “3 Sets with planks,
    2 Sets a-are,
    FIVE BY FIVE TALL!
    O-one set is four
    Nine by six
    Taaaaal.
    And the couplers has cross pieces.”

    In the holiday spirit yet?

    (Thanks for the post, Peter!)

  • YSaC, Vol. 439: Message in a … mason jar.

    THE PERFECT GIFT! NITA PEETA’S SWEET POTATO POTS! GROWN IN HER KITCHEN – $30

    This would be great as a gift and is grown from Grandy Nita’s own kitchen and put in a pot with a prayer for you and you can add your own destiny message. This is beautiful when it goes into full bloom and only takes about 3 weeks to start looking pretty. It comes with a message from the universe to you or your favorite friend!!!! Will deliver locally for 10.00
    Please Call
    Nita (Grandy)
    xxx xxx-xxxx

    439439b439c439d

    Um, it’s a potato. In a pot. I’m pretty sure you’ve given away your trade secret here, Nita.

    Although you do get a message from the universe with each one. Too bad the message from the universe is probably something like, “Hey jackass, you just bought a potato in a pot.”

    Thanks to MsMarvel for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 366: Want to buy a weeder?

    Mow that LAWN – $40

    Lawnboy gas powered , people pushed mower, easy start. Ready to go.
    already started today so if you want to see run, come on over for atest drive and finish my lawn.
    xxx-xxx-xxxx, ‘Cause I will be out side in the sun.

    This man is my new hero. “You want proof that this lawnmower works? Here, mow my lawn for me. See? It works.”

    Or then there’s this type of optimism:

    Aerial Antenna

    Hello,

    I have an old-school antenna attached to the roof of my house that I do not need. I don’t know anything about antennas but it looks like a nice one to me. It’s free for the taking provided you bring your own step ladder (at least 10ft tall I’m thinking) and you promise not to fall off my roof. It’s tricky getting on the roof because you can’t lean a ladder on the gutters as they’ll collapse. Anyhow, if interested, please email me to set up a date and time.

    364

    Sara sends this in, with her translation: “I don’t want to pay someone to remove this antenna, which may or may not work.  So, if you have a 10 foot ladder that can magically levitate so that it doesn’t lean against my crappy gutters, and if you promise to not sue me if you fall and break your neck, you can own this fabulous, possibly functional, ‘old school’ antenna.”

    And, of course, there’s this:

    BROKEN BRICKS

    Have a pile of broken bricks from removing a walkway, need gone ASAP bring a truck you haul away………

    364a

    Matt says, “Here, let me clean up your mess for you.”

    I don’t know what the supply-and-demand chain is like for broken bricks these days, but this was posted in Detroit — it’s possible that someone could take these bricks and build a house that would be worth $6.50. Then again, just about every house in Detroit is worth $6.50.

  • YSaC, Vol. 313: Then again, Fergie is probably a spawn of Satan as well.

    FREE FEMALE BLACK LAB

    WE HAVE A 5 YEAR OLD FEMALE BLACK LAB “FERGIE” THAT WE WOULD LIKE TO FIND A GREAT HOME. WE GOT HER BECAUSE FRIENDS HOUSE BURNT DOWN AND SHE WAS DISPLACED AND THEY NEEDED TO GET HER A HOME. SHE IS SUPER SWEET AND HATE TO GET RID OF HER BUT SHE HAS STARTED KILLING OUR NEIGHBORS AS WELL AS OUR CHICKENS. WE HATE TO KEEP HER IN A PEN ALL THE TIME. SHE WEIGHS ABOUT 80 POUNDS AND LOVES TO SIT IN YOUR LAP, SHE IS GREAT WITH CHILDREN. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HER PLEASE CALL STEPHANIE AT 843-xxx-xxxx.

    This dog sounds a bit problematic. First she burnt down your friend’s house (I’m conjecturing there, but it seems like a reasonable conclusion to me), and now she’s killing your neighbors and your chickens? And yet, you say she’s good with children? (As long as the children don’t taste like chicken, I’m assuming.)

    I think I’d have to rename this dog Cerberus.

    Thanks for sending this in, Katie!

  • YSaC, Vol. CL

    DEAR MEAT

    looking for dear meat…

    I think I saw this movie … wasn’t that Silence of the Lambs?

    “Dear” can also mean “expensive”, so maybe this person is actually looking for very expensive cuts of meat.

    Though somehow I don’t think so.

    Submitted by CM — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXXV

    EMERGENCY SEARCH-BUYER OF FRENCH LOPS [LOCATION] 10-08?

    DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR THE BUYER OF THE PERSON WHO BOUGHT FRENCH LOPS IN [LOCATION] APPROXIMATELY 1 MONTH AGO. I HAVE TWO OF THEM MYSELF, DOES. I HAVE INFORMATION AND OTHER THAT YOU WILL WANT FROM ME AND WANT TO KNOW FOR ALL GOOD REASONS FOR YOURSELF. ANYONE KNOWING THIS PERSON AS WELL, PLEASE HAVE THEM CONTACT ME. SINCERELY, KAREN, [LOCATION]. xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Wait, let me get this translation right. I’m going to have to break this down bit by bit.
    (more…)