YSaC, Vol. 335: Who you gonna call?

2009 June 17
tags:
by drmk

Oh you didn’t know? (your ass better call somebody)


Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.

… and just like fingerprints, there’s a gigantic nationwide database of tongue prints. That’s what the doctors are doing when they press on your tongue with that wooden stick — it’s taking your tongue print, and they are required by law to file those with the federal authorities. You don’t ever see anyone on CSI: Omaha getting identified that way because it’s a SECRET nationwide database, and they don’t want anyone to know it exists. You know, THEY. THEM. THE MAN, who has been keeping everyone down. Except James Brown. He gets up, get on up! Get up, get on up! Get on the scene, yeah, like a sex machine, yeah.

Oh, erm, sorry. Just got done playing that song on Rock Band 2. CAN WE TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE? (Yeah!) TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE? (Yeah!) HIT ME!! (Da DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM!)

Anyway, I’m terribly amused at trying to figure out the backstory behind this post. I think that the culprit got into the poster’s stash of Fun Dip, and left a grape tongue print on the Lik-a-Stik.

Thanks to Pam for the submission!

39 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 June 17
    Colleen in MA permalink

    I got nothin’.

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 June 17
      drmk permalink

      But you can Get up! Get on up! …. can’t you?

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 June 17
        Colleen in MA permalink

        Oh, sure! Although, by this time of day (3:00pm) I’m more of a napping machine. Coffee has worn off. Get down! Get on DOWN! Like a zzzzz machine …

        Adores: 9
  2. 2009 June 17

    My ass can’t figure it out either. Like fingerprints, every craig’s list crazy person is different.

    Adores: 10
  3. 2009 June 17
    gas station bathroom permalink

    I’m guessing it’s an inside joke between poster and the person they’re looking for.

    Adores: 0
  4. 2009 June 17

    “CSI: Omaha” I laughed so hard my cat left the room 🙂

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 August 19
      Hiyame permalink

      That is one of the greatest lines I have read in a while. Thanks for making my day!

      Adores: 0
  5. 2009 June 17

    I’m unsure about this: having done the crime, is my ass now supposed to drop a dime?

    Adores: 2
  6. 2009 June 17

    i’m going to burn my tounge print off today after work. i don’t want the people in the black helicopters to have another way to track me.

    Adores: 3
    • 2009 June 17
      drmk permalink

      I think that’s for the best. I’ll meet you in Rio.

      Adores: 8
  7. 2009 June 17
    SockHead permalink

    “But officer,” SockHead pleaded pathetically, “how do you know it was me that licked the toad? It could’ve been anyone. Anyone, I tell ya!”

    “Save it for the judge,” the officer snorted. “We got your tongue print on file.”

    Edit: The edit button works! 😀

    Adores: 4
    • 2009 June 17
      drmk permalink

      Awesome! Thanks!

      And lay off the toads for a while, mmmkay?

      Adores: 0
  8. 2009 June 17

    My ass isn’t allowed make calls any longer. It used to take qualudes and dial people at wee hours of the morning and I had to put a stop to that.

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 June 17
      drmk permalink

      Your ass made booty calls?

      Adores: 7
    • 2009 June 18
      Lola permalink

      Your ass can actually use the phone? I’m impressed with its talent. Mine has no limbs, digits or talent (aside from getting bigger) that would assist it in telephonic communication.
      … Which is probably for the best for all concerned.

      The James Brown reference is making me think of the film of “The Commitments” … “I’m black and I’m proud!”

      Adores: 2
  9. 2009 June 18

    “Oh, you didn’t know? Your ass better call somebody!” is something the WWF wrestler Road Dogg used to say over the entrance music of his tag team New Age Outlaws. I don’t remember him ever talking trash to his opponents about tongue prints, but then I haven’t watched wrestling since I was a kid, so maybe I missed that episode.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 June 18
      corn flakes permalink

      I caught that too.
      It really scared me.
      I don’t trust anyone who still uses a wrestling catch phrase from the 1990’s.
      (unless it’s old Macho Man Randy Savage Slim Jim commercials)

      Adores: 1
  10. 2009 June 18
    Mike permalink

    Maybe he hit it and quit it.

    Adores: 1
  11. 2011 October 23

    But is everyone’s ass print different? Your tongue better call somebody.

    Adores: 7
  12. 2011 October 23
    LimeLolly permalink

    No… I didn’t know, and please don’t call my parole officer. My ass made it safely back in one piece, and no harm done. I swear!

    Adores: 3
  13. 2011 October 23

    You know, the fact that sparky was probably licking paint in order to get a good look at his tongue print in order to determine that it is unique explains a whole hell of a lot.

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 October 23
      LimeLolly permalink

      Especially those pretty swirly balloon thoughts…

      Adores: 0
    • 2011 October 23

      That owl is kinda scary.

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 October 24
        Windrose permalink

        Really, AR? I find them disapproving. Like they are saying, Pigeon, Please.

        Adores: 1
  14. 2011 October 23

    Tongue Print is Different is IF’s KISS cover band.

    Adores: 4
  15. 2011 October 23
    CoffDrop permalink

    Ass? Life is all about ass! You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, or trying to get a piece of it.

    Adores: 5
  16. 2011 October 23
    Windrose permalink

    My ass is currently confined to a big-ass tank, and the phone doesn’t reach that far. So, no, my ass better not call somebody.

    Adores: 4
  17. 2011 October 23

    This is a fancy way of telling someone to sit down.
    You know, so they will butt-dial somebody.

    Or they want somebody to dial the phone with their tongue…

    Adores: 3
  18. 2011 October 23
    Windrose permalink

    New comments in the box, what could go wrong with an owl and a bunch of ferrets in there?

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 October 23

      If my owl-pellets come out suspiciously ferret colored tomorrow, I’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.

      Adores: 5
  19. 2011 October 23

    *Gets out tongue print dusting kit*

    Hmm, this print seems to be from the infamous Swedish lickawates walltrus-sucka.

    Adores: 6
  20. 2011 October 23
    SpaceBug permalink

    Get thee on the ass-hotline
    hot-ass line?

    Adores: 2
  21. 2011 October 23

    Good to know dear sparky…

    When I suspect that you took the cookie from the cookie jar I guess I will make sure to get the cops to check for tongue prints.

    Or maybe I should just call you, since you ask me to butt-dial “somebody”.

    Adores: 2
  22. 2011 October 23

    Uncle Google says that Sparky is correct about everyone having a unique tongue print. I guess my ass better start dialing.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 October 23
      LimeLolly permalink

      For some reason I hear Sean Kingston’s ‘Fire Burning’.

      Somebody call 9-1-1!

      Adores: 0
  23. 2011 October 24
    Windrose permalink

    Good Punchity Punch Punch, Lyle and Dave!

    Here’s your night, Mr. Brown!

    Adores: 0

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.