5 one lbs cans and 17 cans of one lbs of Crisco Vegetable Shortening. Freshness not guaranteed, great for baking, animal feed supplement, lubrication material. No delivery or reservations, must take all. Cans go to first person who calls and picks-up. Call ASAP.
That’s right, call as quickly as you can for these 5 1-lb cans and 17 1-lb cans of not-guaranteed-fresh Crisco, which is great for feeding to people, animals, or lubing up your truck.
Must take all 5 and 17 cans of possibly-spoiled solid vegetable lard.
The especially good thing about this is the way the phrase “Freshness not guaranteed” implies that if you happen to buy these cans, and just happen to eat out of them and die from salmonella, then it’s clearly your fault. There were no guarantees about the freshness of the cans after all.
At least it’s free? I mean, considering all the horrible shit people try to sell, for actual money, on Craiglist I’m just happy this person is only trying to give garbage away.
I really, really cannot get the idea out of my head that this person was suggesting that I could use twenty-two pounds of lubricant.
The things it does to my imagination…
I know who claimed it. A man where I used to work claimed it all to use as pomade. His view of personal hygiene was, um, fresh and original. Okay, maybe not fresh.
There once was a man from ‘Frisco
Who loved to dance at the disco
Met another
And his brother
Then left to party with Crisco
They made out their plans to be oiled
But their great party plans would be foiled
An expiration date
Surely sealed their fate
For the Crisco they used had been spoiled
Their deaths were met with much sadness
No reason for any such madness
A moral to take
That for safety’s sake
Check on your lube for its badness
If anyone is interested, I have a load of vintage tomato plants for sale. People have been saying that they’re dead and brown, but I think you’ll agree that “seasoned” is a better term.
I originally paid $2 a plant, but these well seasoned vintage plants have appreciated significantly in value. I think you’ll find them a steal at a $35 a plant, or firm OBO.
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