You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: unclear on the concept

  • YSaC, Vol. 294: Flagging on the top right.

    Need Flagging? – $5

    Tired of seeing spam ads? Your competitors got you down? No worries, with our service we will have ads removed within minutes! The process is very simple – just let us know the URL or posting title & section, send us a payment with PayPal, and the ad will be removed within 5-10 minutes (10 ads or more – 30 minutes). We can also do bulk removal at discounted rates.

    1 ad – $5
    5 ads – $20
    25 ads – $50

    Payments are made through PayPal, once payment is received the process is started immediately.

    NuclearMosquito emailed this listing, saying: “Now I know in “this economy” (whatever that means), people are looking for new ways to make a quick buck. Somewhere along the line, someone will think, “Hey, I should charge people for an already free service! Maybe even one they can do themselves! Surely someone will fall for it.” Sadly, they just might. This ad promises to flag other Craigslist ads for you. They even offer a discount for bulk flags! Just Paypal them $5 per flag, along with the URL of the ad you want flagged, and they’re on the job. Now really, you have to wonder if the people that read this ad and think it’s something wonderful don’t notice the flag button, that they can click themselves, FOR FREE, in the corner of that very ad! The mind boggles.”

    Indeed it does. I should, of course, mention that this ad got flagged. I wonder if someone paid them to flag their own ad? I would have, just for the irony of it.

  • YSaC, Vol. 290: It gets a 6.5 from the Romanian judge.

    These two entries are both from the same metropolitan area:

    student wants to learn doggi style

    I want to learn to do doggies with style…..and perhaps photography

    My desperate hope that this was someone asking for instruction on pet grooming were dashed when I realized that this post came from the “Adult Gigs” section.

    As does this:

    private lap dancers wanted

    big breast and boobs a plus no exp. nessacary

    This guy’s demanding — he wants a big breast AND boobs. I’m no slouch in the boobs department, but I don’t also have a big breast, so I guess I’m out. If the boobs don’t have to be big, we could set him up with these boobs. That might teach him to be a little more specific.

    Thanks, oliveees, for ruining my faith in humanity just a little bit more.

  • YSaC, Vol. 287: Clearly they mean April 31st.

    free-blowdry-style-la-craigslist

    For those of you with bad eyes, here’s the relevant text of the ad:

    Free blowdry and style this Saturday! (Los Angeles)

    Come in this today, April 39th, for a free style and blow dry with Brooklyn at Shampoo.

    Elle sends in this screenshot, saying, “This woman is obviously a devious marketer — grab people with the bait of a free offer, then completely confuse them as to when, if ever, the promotion will be held. Customers will show up, she’ll insist they came on the wrong day but wrangle them into the chair anyway and charge them far too much.”

    They’ve since “fixed” the ad:

    Free blowdry and style this Friday! (Los Angeles)

    Come in this Friday, April 30th, for a free style and blow dry with Brooklyn at Shampoo.

    Well, that’s cleared that up, then.

  • YSaC, Vol. 285: Colorless green ideas optimize furiously.

    Article writer needed- high volume

    I currently have 9 clients that each need articles written on a weekly basis. Articles are for SEO purposes, and have to contain SOME keyword density, but have to be interesting enough to be read and accepted by various sources. I need 10 articles per week per client, and the pay is $1/ article. The total for 9 clients comes out to $90/ per week. Each article will be at least one page long (more or less). This should be a simple enough side gig for someone starting out. We are looking for someone to start out and grow with the company; does not have to be local, but must be in the US.

    Must be able to write efficiently and productively in a timely manner; articles are necessary every week. Please send examples to be considered.

    Thank you!

    • This is a part-time job.
    • This is a contract job.
    • This is an internship job

    Mike sends this one in, saying “He needs SEO articles, which is what I do. At one page each, a good article would take an hour. Assuming you could write 2 articles in an hour, which no one could, that would take up 45 hours a week. Which comes out to around … oh , $2.00 an hour. For a 45 hour week. With no benefits. But plan on $1.00 an hour. I think twice about bending over to pick up a dollar in the street. I just took a pay cut for my SEO writing, and I am a relative beginner. I make $32.50. AN HOUR. What a dipshit.”

    45 hours a week doesn’t exactly sound like a part-time job, either. $1 per article? For $1 I would go to the ChomskyBot and copy and past whatever came out of it and call that an article. Throw a couple of SEO keywords in there and you’re good to go.

  • YSaC, Vol. 279: I can has vampire?

    Searching for a vampire – m4m

    So I’m in desperate search of a vampire. Its been 19 long years and through all my effort to find one, you all still seem to evade me. Though I’m truly not surprised at all. I mean I know that you guys generally don’t associate with humans and view us rather as prey, but I had hoped that I would have ran into at least one of you by now. Guess, If you guys don’t want to be found you wont. I’m particularly sure that my search was unsuccessful because I manly searched in the day and lord knows you guys hate the sun. I would have searched at night but I have to sleep and I think I would like rather suspicious roaming dark alleys,tunnel ways,and god knows what other sources that hold the dark well at 3am. So I think this is my last resort. If your a vampire please,please contact me! Male or female is fine.
    I no longer wish to be a pathetic human. I want to become a child of the night. I know the transition of going from human to vampire can be rather difficult. From being bite, dying, reawakening as a child of the darkness,getting used to your fangs, so on and so fourth. But I’m very willing to go through it all to shed this pathetic existence as a mortal. I’m willing to leave my family,friends,and old life behind to become one of you. I’m thinking that perhaps you can bite me in my house, and while I’m passed out, put my body in the shower and turn it on. Maybe that way it will look like I slipped,fell,and died. Then call 911 and alert the police.(Your a vampire so its not like any human will be able to trace the call back to you,let alone find you). They take my body to the morgue,put me in the fridge,have my funeral a few days later and you come that night and dig me back up. Hopefully I should be awake by then.(How long does it take for the whole vampire process to be complete. Is it instantaneous?) I figure a proper funeral will give my family some closure,rather than me just disappearing.
    I also don’t have a lot of money,so I’m probably going to have to take my coffin with me, so I’ll have somewhere to sleep in the day(unless we just wonder from place to place). I figure a good source of payment for having to go through all of this will be you biting me and having a free meal of my blood. I really would like to follow you for a few months so I can get the do’s and dont’s of our lifestyle. I’ve heard its hard out there for a new vampire on his own. So If you think you are able to help me out please contact me. I’m sure you can find me no problem.

    P.S- If you turn into a bat to get into my house,please fly upstairs and into the room on the left and just hang on the wall till I get home. Nobody goes in there and MAKE SURE ITS THE ROOM ON THE LEFT! If my aunt sees you, she will literally have a heart attack and hit you with a broom.

    Yep, the whole “having to sleep” thing really puts a crimp in your vampire-searching style, doesn’t it?

    I think the worst part about becoming a vampire would be the “getting used to your fangs” part. I mean, you’d be biting your own lip all the time, and you’d have to wait for the calluses to build up on your cheeks like when you get braces for the third time because you never wore your retainer.

    I wonder if vampires ever have to get braces to keep their fangs straight? There must be vampire orthodontists. Nothing would be worse than a vampire with an overbite.

    Unless it’s being a vampire and being hit with a broom. Thank goodness our poster thought of that contingency and warned against it. It’s the ROOM ON THE LEFT, for heaven’s sake!

    I think someone’s been reading a little too much of the Twilight series. Here’s something I don’t get — how come Buffy never shows up in the Twilight series? I mean, she’s a vampire slayer, right? SHE’S SUPPOSED TO SLAY VAMPIRES. What, just because Willow has a new gig, she’s not fighting evil anymore? … Or maybe Neil Patrick Harris is really a vampire, and Willow is just biding her time until she can slay him. Okay, that makes sense.

    Well, about as much sense as this Craigslist post, anyway.

    Sent in by “Nuclear Mosquito” (speaking of vampires …) — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 276: And keep them off my lawn, too!

    I made an image of the page because this one requires the full context:

    276

    Michael sent this one in. I guess child labor laws don’t apply if the kids are adorable. It’s only the ugly kids that get union representation to keep them from having to work the heavy machinery. If they’re adorable, though, they’re stuck on the assembly line for life. Serves ’em right, those cute little bastards.