YSaC, Vol. 263: The real punkers stay at the Hilton.

2009 April 7

Rock clubs – 30


I am coming to Chicago in Sept, and need to know the Real Rock clubs of Chicago. I do not want the tourists hangouts, or want2b clubs. I am looking for the real down and dirty, kick ass, Lets get drunk and get naked clubs!! I am a metal,glam,PunK, major rager on the 4 strings, who is coming to Chicago, to do a little business during the day, and tear it up at night!! I am staying downtown at the Marriott courtyard, will be in town for three days. So clubs and events around downtown will be helpfull.

Nothing says “major rager” PunK like the Marriott Courtyard! Rock on, man.

Also, is it just me, or is that one picture using this bedspread as a backdrop? (A very sexy backdrop, of course, since there’s a liquor bottle and a bass guitar involved. That makes it sexy.)

And … 30? Really? Really? That’s a tough-looking 30.

Sent in by Caroline — thanks!

38 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 April 7

    This is another example of “give it up dude”
    You cant be a middle aged suit by day, KISS cover-band-wannabe by night. And how can he shun the tourist hangouts? This guy is a tourist.

    Dirty, drunk and naked, hmm?……I think you should stick to a strip club, my friend.

    And is that a mullet?

    Adores: 3
  2. 2009 April 7

    Rager’s Boss: “After the meeting, the boys n I are meeting for shrimp fest, care to join?”
    Rager: “NoOOOoooOOooooo”

    Adores: 3
  3. 2009 April 7
    Budgyrl permalink

    Nice man boobs dude.

    Adores: 9
  4. 2009 April 7

    The man boob is killing me. Someone tell him to cover that shit up!

    Adores: 10
  5. 2009 April 7
    Amylou permalink

    Oh, thank God I’m not the only one who was every-so-slightly put off by the man-boob. (shiver)

    Adores: 8
  6. 2009 April 7
    Amylou permalink

    I swear, he looks like he’s getting ready to nurse.

    Adores: 8
  7. 2009 April 7
    Colleen in MA permalink

    ugh that man boob is making my head hurt. also, NOT 30.

    Adores: 6
  8. 2009 April 7
    kati permalink

    Silly, 30 is how many years he can REMEMBER – the other 20 don’t count.

    The man boob shows he’s in touch with hims feminine side. Very rocker-esque.

    And the bedspread pic is insanely sexy because it has all the ingredients – a bedspread (to make you THINK about bed!), the phallically-held/hinted liquor bottle (but held low enough that you can’t tell it’s Zima), the totally rad RAGER instrument of choice, enough nudity to say “I’m nekkid!!” but not enough to show you how old he REALLY is if ya get my drift… AND it’s just blurry enough (thankfully) that you don’t completely lose your lunch. A work of art.

    Adores: 27
  9. 2009 April 7
    DrugserBad permalink

    Yeah… you gotta do a lot of crack to look like that at 30. ‘Rager on 4 strings’? Maybe it’s me, but that makes no sense… well, the rest of the add doesn’t either, so maybe that’s par for the course.

    Adores: 1
  10. 2009 April 7
    Mr. Poopie permalink

    Wow, I totally thought it was just a really worn out chick.

    Adores: 7
  11. 2009 April 7
    Libby permalink

    “major ragers” have it hard man. they age faster then the rest of us minor ragers.

    Adores: 5
  12. 2009 April 7

    “You like this side boob? That’s MYYYYYY side boob!”

    Ew.

    Adores: 11
  13. 2009 April 7

    No use in cropping out that man boobie like in the bottom picture. All that’s missing is Stewie Griffin attached to it.

    Adores: 1
  14. 2009 April 7

    Oh, and you’re WRONG WRONG WRONG about the bedspread as a backdrop for the picture. That’s the wall to his room in his mom’s basement.

    Adores: 4
  15. 2009 April 7
    Sara permalink

    Fuh! Is he wearing a wristband *and* some sort of under eye makeup in the Sexy Bedspread pic?
    I’m not totally convinced that the ‘mullet’ isn’t a wig.

    “A work of art” indeed, kati.

    Adores: 1
  16. 2009 April 7
    Linnee permalink

    Well, it was nice of him to give Chicagoans five nonths notice that he and his man boob will be in town. Those glam photos made me throw up in my mouth.

    Adores: 5
  17. 2009 April 7

    Ug. Just Ug.

    Adores: 0
  18. 2009 April 7
    Violet permalink

    #9
    I thought that was strange, too, but I’ve decided he is in fact talking about the guitar, but can only rage on four of the strings, his performance on the other two being decidedly lackluster. Or maybe he rocks out on the ukulele or–no!–dulcimer.

    Also, I don’t know Chicago, but in most cities is it not pretty unlikely that the totally edgy underground clubs nobody knows about would be located downtown?

    Adores: 2
  19. 2009 April 7

    The bedspread looks like freight elevator padding.

    Adores: 3
  20. 2009 April 7
    Snood permalink

    Not to put an ounce of credibility into this dude’s story, but don’t bass guitars have 4 strings?

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 April 7
      drmk permalink

      Yes, he is actually holding a bass guitar, which typically only have four strings. I’m not sure that lends credibility though, given the number of other horrible things about this.

      Adores: 2
  21. 2009 April 8
    Jane Lane permalink

    What happened to Nikki Sixx?!?!?!

    Adores: 1
  22. 2009 April 8
    Olson permalink

    Are we absolutely sure that’s a liquor bottle??

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 April 8
      drmk permalink

      I don’t have enough brain bleach for it to be anything else.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 April 1
        Yutolia permalink

        I’m not sure there is enough brain bleach in the entire world for that to be anything else…

        Adores: 0
  23. 2009 April 9
    Count Snarkula permalink

    Dude is in serious need of a manssiere.

    *Sideshow Bob shudder*

    Adores: 2
  24. 2009 April 9
    PrincessLuceval permalink

    Why did we need pictures in the first place, if all he’s trolling for is a good place to release his inner rager? Oh, the “let’s get drunk and get naked” clubs – he’s trying to show what he looks like drunk and naked, I guess.

    Rager, stick to the Bahama Club at the Marriott. The seniors will love you there.

    Adores: 2
  25. 2009 April 24
    Youwish permalink

    that nipple shot will haunt me for all eternity

    Adores: 1
  26. 2009 July 11
    maesie permalink

    I’m pretty sure that this is my best friend’s dad. He occasionally wore a rhinestone cummerbund during his stint managing local wrestlers, but also has a fondness for Union Jack and riding mopeds.

    Adores: 0
  27. 2009 July 17
    bob permalink

    That fool is as 30 as I am 12. Maybe he’s trying to use the metric system like kilos vs pounds. You know, like 1 year really equals 1.8 years or something. She he is really 54 or somewhere in that neighborhood.

    Adores: 4
  28. 2009 August 19
    ??? permalink

    Um, did no one else notice the creepy red necklace? I guess it kind of matches the nipple…

    Adores: 0
  29. 2009 August 19
    Chakolate permalink

    Nononono – you’ve got it all wrong. The ’30’ doesn’t mean he is thirty years of age, it means it’s the 30th time he’s posted something this stupid.

    And he’s still waiting for a reply…

    Adores: 2
  30. 2009 August 26

    Is it a man boob, though? The way it’s sort of … hanging out there in space makes it look more like his chest skin is trying to escape. (And who could blame it.) Man boobs look good compared to whatever that thing is.

    Adores: 0
  31. 2009 September 7

    Anyone notice that the bedspread looks mysteriously like this (http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=287) bedspread?

    I’m getting a strong “I’m not wearing pants” vibe from that picture.

    Adores: 2
  32. 2009 September 8
    Muzzy Slink permalink

    Before I remembered that Bass guitars usually have four strings, I assumed that he was into one of those godawful bands that think that they are so cool if they cut off strings on their instruments under the pretense of “challenging themselves” or other kinds of supposed badassery when really they don’t know any songs that would use more than three or four strings. He does look like that much of a loser.

    And the man boob! I need at least fourteen gallons of eye bleach now!

    Adores: 0
  33. 2011 January 19

    “Not 30” (n+1)thed. I’m 48 and could be this guy’s (better-looking, more fit) kid brother.

    Adores: 1
  34. 2011 January 19
    LurkRealClose permalink

    Dave: the ferret could be this guy’s better-looking, more fit brother.

    Adores: 2

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