You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: euphemisms

  • YSaC, Vol. 255: Exactly how many choirs are there?

    $1 Feamle roomy needed.

    I’m a Male in my 30’s, in need of a Female room mate, 19 to 27, Free rent and a car, keep the house clean and do the choirs. Plus a few things more ( Personal.)
    No Drugs, No Drama. U must send a Picture or a Myspace link.
    I just don’t have the time to do anything. Just work too much.
    Tell me a bit about you, to insure it’s not spam mail.

    You mean, more personal than doing the choirs? How many people are in each choir? I mean, if it’s the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep the house clean.

    I think this one needs a translation. Here’s how I’m reading it — anyone got a better translation?

    I’m a male in my 30s who is incapable of forming or maintaining a meaningful relationship. I’m looking for a female with low self-esteem who will act like my mother during the day and a sperm receptacle in the evenings. I will maintain that this is a business relationship so that when I get bored of you I can toss you away like garbage. Oh, but I’m shallow, so you should be hot.

  • Update to YSaC, Vol. CLVIII: The mountain WAS made of pure snow after all!

    Hmmmm … Caroline sends along this link to a news story, saying, “This is a follow up to the person “looking for a ski ticket“…she should probably stop looking now.”

    Six arrested in California ski sting

    MAMMOTH LAKES, Calif., Feb. 25 (UPI) — Police say six California residents have been arrested in a sting operation that offered ski-lift tickets in exchange for drugs.

    Mono County sheriff’s deputies told The Orange County (Calif.) Register Wednesday that the suspects were busted after answering an ad posted on Craigslist.com that offered to swap ticket vouchers for the Mammoth Lakes ski area for narcotics.

    Department spokeswoman Shannon Kendall told the Register that the operation netted a pound of marijuana and quantities of cocaine, ecstasy and prescription pills.

    Four Orange County residents and two people from San Luis Obispo and Highland Park were arrested Friday and were in jail Wednesday on various drug-related charges.

    Original news story available here.

    Thanks for the tip, Caroline!

  • YSaC, Vol. 225: I think that’s Tip #242.

    Books and other things

    Free books
    -New American Standard Bible/Updated Edition with maps, still in box
    -The Time of Christmas, The Time of Easter, The Time of the Church Parents Guide, Activity Books and CD great for Sunday School or home schooling
    -battery operated pencil sharpener
    -Girl scout beanie
    Stop the Meeting I want to Get off by Scott Snair
    -269 amazing sex tips and tricks for women by Anne Hooper & Phillip Hodson
    -Readers Digest Condensed Books Volume One 1984

    Also search [name] for lots of inexpensive things on sale

    225

    So let’s see … you’re a good, wholesome person, giving away a bible and Sunday school materials … and a book on “269 amazing sex tips”.

    I don’t think I want to know how the pencil sharpener fits in there.

    I am amused at the new, euphemistic meaning a book with the title of Stop the Meeting, I Want to Get Off takes on in this context. I mean, I’ve wanted to do that in meetings before, too, but I can control myself.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLVIII

    Another one from BF, who brought us the part-time tramp yesterday …

    looking for ski ticket…. – w4m

    blow for blow…
    simple….

    Sure, that seems simple … except that again, it’s in “Casual Encounters”. And it seems like a euphemism for something. Is she offering oral sex for a ski ticket? Or is “ski ticket” itself a euphemism for something? The “blow for blow” part is making me wonder if she’s looking for coke. (I’m not always so quick at the drug references, as we know.)

    In the immortal words of Charles De Mar, “This mountain is pure snow! Have you any idea what the street value of this mountain is?”

    Not exactly simple anymore. Or maybe I’m just overthinking it … it wouldn’t be the first time.

    Edited to add: Darn it, I had a clip of “Better Off Dead” cued up to that exact scene, and YouTube removed the clip between the time I posted the entry and now. Phooey.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLIV

    2 FREE MASSAGES FOR IPOD TOUCH!!!

    IM A MASSAGE THERAPIST LOOKING TO TRADE 2 MASSAGES FOR AN IPOD TOUCH..xxx-xxx xxxx


    (actual photo)

    Too bad she wasn’t trading the massages for an apostrophe. Looks like she could use one of those as well. What do you think is the going rate for apostrophes these days? I’d settle for a foot massage. She owes me two of them for the previous sentences alone.

    That’s it, I’m starting a euphemism tag.