YSaC, Vol. 255: Exactly how many choirs are there?
$1 Feamle roomy needed.
I’m a Male in my 30’s, in need of a Female room mate, 19 to 27, Free rent and a car, keep the house clean and do the choirs. Plus a few things more ( Personal.)
No Drugs, No Drama. U must send a Picture or a Myspace link.
I just don’t have the time to do anything. Just work too much.
Tell me a bit about you, to insure it’s not spam mail.
You mean, more personal than doing the choirs? How many people are in each choir? I mean, if it’s the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep the house clean.
I think this one needs a translation. Here’s how I’m reading it — anyone got a better translation?
I’m a male in my 30s who is incapable of forming or maintaining a meaningful relationship. I’m looking for a female with low self-esteem who will act like my mother during the day and a sperm receptacle in the evenings. I will maintain that this is a business relationship so that when I get bored of you I can toss you away like garbage. Oh, but I’m shallow, so you should be hot.
Feamle? Hmm.
I think your translation is perfect, and I speak fluent asshat!
I second this sentiment. And I must boast a fluency in douche-baggery as well.
Finally! Somebody understands me.
( I wear a hat that says “ass” on it)*
* this may or may not be true or false.
I’m intrigued by the cutoff age. Why 27? What happens on a woman’s 28th birthday that makes her ineligible for a few things more (personal)?
Um…she’s 2 years shy of Thirty, not 3?
Sometimes, I get the feeling that life is really, REALLY screwed for a female on the up side of thirty (I am 44). Young dudes want young women. Older dudes want young women. Whereas a lot of younger women actually want an older man, especially if said older man is “financially solvent”. Is this all because women have that “menopause” thing, and guys don’t?
Or have I just been reading too many Craigslist ads and dating site profiles lately, and am somehow getting a skewed view of reality? Is this auto-filing of middle-aged females into the mental circular file something only asshats do, or is this universal?
Of course, older women also go for younger men, and often younger men look for older women. There’s someone out there for everyone. Just… don’t look on Craigslist….
Well, we all need our cooking, cleaning, human fuck dolls to sing to us, don’t we?
At least he didn’t put “Non smoker, non ugly” like Joey Tribbiani would have!
I agree that the translation is spot on. Which means it should also get the “unrealistic expectations” tag.
“Low self-esteem,” “sperm receptacle” and the implication of being tossed away at any time automatically comes with lots and lots of drama prior to the garbage phase.
Oh, this sounds so much like a Harlequin Romance! Single, busy successful guy is advertising for a housekeeper who will also do his, uh, personal correspondence, maybe. He doesn’t want to be saddled with anyone who uses drugs, and those drama majors from City University are really too unreliable.
Nah. Your scenario is better. And more accurate.
your translation sounds just about perfect.
I suggest you build a CL filter for others that are not so fluent in CL-speak. You would make a fortune!
Sounds like a great set-up. Wish him the best of luck.
He had me at “Feamle”. *swoon*
That Jerod is a genius! There should def. be a sperm receptacle tag. And if someone on CL would readily admit to looking for a sperm receptacle? I would think we could muster enough support for a booby prize.
That’s, um, not really where the sperm are supposed to go. That would get the “UR doin it wrong” tag.
You don’t watch much porn, do you?
How will he sift through the hundreds of applications this advertisement will generate? Young ladies will be falling all over themselves to be his … well … I don’t think there’s one term that covers the multitude of roles that she’s to fill.
There really needs to be a device that automatically executes people willing to respond to certain Craigslist ads
Sterilization would work equally well.
Windy, you suggest turning a working model into a sports model?
Edit: Never mind, Monica was refering to responders, not posters.
Whew, that was close.
*Snerk* “working model into sports model”. I am so using that.
Awww, he just wanted to go 21st century and cut out the mail order bride middleman.
i’m late to the party, but i believe that what this gentleman is interested in is called a “wife” in many parts of the world and was in fact considered a perfectly good definition of “wife” in this country as well until say, the 70s. guess this guy just missed out on the last 40 years or so. which for your average craigslist denizen isn’t too bad considering how often “no black people,” etc shows up on this site…
And I put a “no drugs” tag on my ad, because I don’t want my girlfriend^H^H^H^H^Hoops, I mean “roommate” getting high on anything but me. Or she might get too stoned, and only get as far in her choir-doings as the altos…leaving the sopranos still in need of being done.
Now I wish I were a roomy feamle, 19-27, so I could get in on such a great deal. After all, anyone who would run an ad like that must be a total prince of a man who also looks like Sean Connery, right?
In our dreams, Dave. 8)
Yesh, yesh, he would. And when she finishesh doing the choirsh, she would be sho exchited to do him she would probably offer to pay Shparky for the privilege. Probably. Schomething tellsh me thish Shparky looksh more like the love child of Napoleon Dynamite and Jabba the Hutt, though.
*Three years later*
$1 Feamle roomy needed.
—————————————————————————————————————–
I’m a Male in my 30′s, in need of another Female room mate, 19 to 27, Free rent and a car, keep the house clean and do the choirs (must be able to clean up blood and not mind the smell.). Plus a few things more ( Personal.)
No Drugs, No Drama, no Cops. U must send a Picture or a Myspace link and not have any local family.
I just don’t have the time to do any stalking. Just too much work.
Tell me a bit about you, to insure it’s not spam mail.
Also, please send your blood type. Employment will be at night.
You will probably want to forward your dental records to a family member, just in case.
No gardeners, metal-detector enthusiasts, amateur archaeologists or anyone else with an interest in digging in the back yard.
Gee, I sure hope this guy found twue wuv after all! Seeing as he’s such a gem.
Obviously, this ad was placed by a leprechaun who is 30″ tall. Since there are no female leprechauns, he is searching for a lady elf no taller than 27″ in height. (Even short short men have size issues, it seems.)
A leprechaun’s work is exhausting what with guarding his riches, constantly searching for the end of the rainbow and, on occasion, making a pair of shoes. They are very thrifty and also hard workers, so he is looking to offer a fair trade to his potential forest-mate. She can live in the base of the tree with him rent-free as long as she keeps the fairy dust to a minimum, keeps the sugar plum choir tuned up and polishes his gold frequently.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Table Turning:
I’m a woman in my 40s in need of a Male room mate, 19 to 27, Free rent and a car, keep the house clean, cook in gourmet kitchen and do the chores. Plus a few things more (Personal). Free time can be spent in the pool or the sauna or the weight room. You’ll be on a Nanny Cam 24/7. No Drugs, No Drama. You must send a Picture or a Myspace link. I just don’t have the time to do anything. Just work too much. Tell me a bit about you, to insure it’s not spam mail. Mrs. Robinson.
Oh, keep it in your pantry with the cupcakes
Oh, we’re the boys of the choir,
we hope that she will show.
we have some things more personal,
we’d like to have her blow.
“sperm receptacle”
Sparky: If you move in with me, you get sperm, free rent, a car and sperm.
Female: But I don’t want any sperm.
Sparky: Ok, You can have free rent, a car, a men’s choir, and sperm, that hasn’t got much sperm.
Female: That’s got even more sperm.
Sparky: That’s not as much sperm as sperm, free rent, a men’s choir, a car, a football team and sperm now is it?
Choir: Sperm, sperm, sperm, sperm, wonderful sperm!
Female: Shut up! I don’t like sperm!
Sparky: Do you have a friend that does?
But Every Sperm Is Sacred!
Free rent and car just to keep the house clean and do the choirs?
Hmm….
How many members in the choir and it better not be the Vienna Boys Choir. Make it a Barbershop Quartet and you got a deal.
Like there are any 19-27 y/o still on myspace even three years ago.
Sparky is watching all too much hentai is my guess, and assumes all wimmins is 16-19 and eager to don portions of skimpy French-maid attire and do (personal.) stuff willingly, eagerly, and in wholesale lot batches.
Hikikomori Sparky needs to stay in more.
I know this just might sound shady,
but I want a live in lady.
One that’s young and hot and not to tame.
I am looking for some fun,
so I hope that you’re the one.
To do the choir and for me do the same.
I’ve been working hard at my career.
I haven’t time for drama here,
or drug addicts, for that you couldn’t blame.
I can offer you a car.
And free rent here thus far.
Just guarantee that you will not be lame.
You may be right
you like me maybe.
Because it just might be a playboy that you’re looking for.
Check out my house,
and live here baby.
You may be wrong for all I know
but you may be right.
You found me in a Craigslist ad.
So you must really want me bad.
You probably been looking for awhile.
You were lonely for a man.
You should get me while you can.
Not many girls can resist all this style.
Now think of all the freebies you get.
It won’t cost you anything yet.
You can even dress like a french maid.
So why not take the chance,
I would like to see you dance.
If you do real good you might even get paid.
You may be right
to live here baby.
It just might be a sugar daddy you’re looking for.
We could be tight,
come on and join me.
You may be wrong for all I know
but you may be right.
(I’m wearing my prose colored glasses today)
Because the Llamanun’s wish is my command, I hereby present my translation of Sparky’s ad:
*sends away for the Infinity Expandable Baux*
I seem to have misplaced a punchity punch punch here. For Taco And Dave And valarie. What to do, what to do?