Tag: possibly awesome

  • YSaC, Vol. 1632: In a world ….

    Vintage Brass Scale of Justice – $50


    Vintage Scale of Justice (Painted gold)
    xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Michelle sent this in with her own commentary, which I’m going to steal plagiarize use because it’s brilliant. For best effect, read in a movie announcer voice with a Shatner-esque pause in the middle.

    There aren’t any details about the Vintage Brass Scale… OF JUSTICE. One can only guess at the types of weighty situations it has measured up in its years on the Contemporary Wood Table… OF VIRTUE until its bearer took its picture with the Modern Digital Camera… OF TRUTH and put it up on the Futuristic Interwebs Site… OF HONOR. We can only hope that the person destined to bring balance to the force will see this and buy it with his (or her) Commonly Accepted Currency… OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.

    Thanks, Michelle, for the commentary … OF JUSTICE!

  • YSaC, Vol. 428: Can’t sleep. Clowns will get me.

    Here’s one that sits squarely in the “possibly awesome” category:

    Clown for Kicks


    I am looking for someone to dress up like a Clown and hang out with me. I would cook you diner – or we could BBQ something. I’m interested in making my neighbor lady wonder. I have already had a man in a panda costume last month – and also had a heard of sheep come in for the day to cut the grass. (sheep do a good job by the way). A clown would be something.
    Maybe you could bring some balloons – or make balloon animals to hang in my tree. I’d like to have this done some evening between 6pm and dark. The longer you can stay the better (like if you could stay for the whole 3 hours). Do you have any tricks you could do?
    Like I said – I could cook diner and get you drunk – I’d even be willing to pay your cab fare to and from. I don’t have much to offer – and my neighbor lady is driving me nuts – so I want to drive her nuts. If you had a Mime friend – it would be cool to see you two chase each other around the yard or do relay races while I time you.

    Let me know your thoughts – open to Men and Women Clowns.

    I’ve had some annoying neighbors in my day, but nobody yet has warranted bringing in the heavy artillery of sheep and costume characters.

    I once lived in a condo complex that had fairly strict regulations about holiday decorations; residents were only allowed to decorate two weeks before a holiday and one week after. To my amusement, nowhere in the condo bylaws did it say anything about those decorations having to be seasonally appropriate! My fantasy was to acquire a giant mechanical gopher, keep it on my porch year-round, and claim it was a holiday decoration for whatever random holiday was nearest.

    The fatal flaw in that plan turned out to be the general unavailability of giant mechanical gophers. (That, and there are no random holidays in August.)

    Thanks to Ashley and Alisa, who both sent this one in!

  • YSaC, Vol. 419: Sometimes sucking at Craiglist is a punishable offense.

    A recent news story involves a rather creative, but suck-tacular, use of Craigslist:

    Man arrested for selling stolen furnace after posting phone number online

    John Allen Chudley, 38, of Knoxville, is charged with charged with aggravated burglary, theft and possession of drug paraphernalia.

    Police said Chudley broke into a vacant North Knoxville house at 1416 Kenyon Street and took pictures of the furnace.

    Then he listed it for sale on Craigslist and posted a picture and his cell phone number.

    The homeowner found out, called Chudley saying he’d like to buy the furnace, then called 911.

    Chudley met officers, thinking one was the buyer, and sold them the furnace. He even helped load it into their truck.

    Police said Chudley also had outstanding warrants for aggravated burglary and theft. Plus, he agreed to talk to them about other thefts and burglaries.

    Chudley was taken to the Knox County Jail.

    Even better, Dan sent me this shining example of Craiglist incompetence and intrigue, which actually happened to him!

    Hi,

    I recently had my car stolen with all of my home inspection tools inside. I started checking CL to see if any of the tools showed and, sure enough, my $8000 thermal imaging camera was for sale 3 days after the theft for $200.

    More after the jump … (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 408: Kurzsichtiger Epileptikerdachs, in case you were wondering.

    Custom Pink Coffee Table – $5


    Customized coffee table with lower rack and wheels.

    408a408b

    You know, there just isn’t a good way to describe this coffee table. “Customized” isn’t quite the right word, is it?

    Now that I think about it, I’m not sure English HAS the right word to describe this coffee table, since there isn’t a word that means “appears to have been spraypainted by a nearsighted epileptic badger with an anger management problem”. I’m sure German has a word for that, though.

    Thanks to “The Shanimal” for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 396: That would be a strange CSA share.

    Giant inflatable banana


    I am willing to trade my enormous yellow inflatable banana for something interesting and curious. This banana is as large as a child or small adult and weighs as much as a big balloon or many small balloons. There are two black handles at one end, which make like calm, friendly eyes for the banana if you are looking for a banana companion. There are two green, smaller inflatable compartments to either side of the main banana. You can think of these as leaves or even more imaginatively as young bananas yet to ripen. Interesting trades ONLY. This banana is priceless so I will accept no prices offered. Call (my number backwards is xxxx-xxx-xxx) or email.

    401

    Let’s see, what do I have lying around that I could trade for a giant inflatable banana? How about a stuffed raccoon? A dolphin/swan lamp/fountain? A cardboard cutout of Bea Arthur? A stuffed Spiderman?

    Wait, I’ve got it!

    highly suggestive carrot


    This one of a kind, sexually charged vegetable can be yours today! What would I need an extremely phallic carrot for, you ask? Party favor, gag gift, collectible, whatever! Best offer gets this totally unique item. Email me with your best offer!
    396

    Who could resist the allure of a anthropomorphically sexualized root vegetable in trade for an inflatable tropical fruit? (I’m pretty sure that sentence has never been uttered before in the history of the English language.)

    Thanks to Nicole for the inflatable banana, and to Steve for the pornographic carrot. (“The Pornographic Carrots” would be a great name for a band, wouldn’t it?)