YSaC, Vol. 1632: In a world ….
Vintage Brass Scale of Justice – $50
Vintage Scale of Justice (Painted gold)
xxx-xxx-xxxx
Michelle sent this in with her own commentary, which I’m going to steal plagiarize use because it’s brilliant. For best effect, read in a movie announcer voice with a Shatner-esque pause in the middle.
There aren’t any details about the Vintage Brass Scale… OF JUSTICE. One can only guess at the types of weighty situations it has measured up in its years on the Contemporary Wood Table… OF VIRTUE until its bearer took its picture with the Modern Digital Camera… OF TRUTH and put it up on the Futuristic Interwebs Site… OF HONOR. We can only hope that the person destined to bring balance to the force will see this and buy it with his (or her) Commonly Accepted Currency… OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.
Thanks, Michelle, for the commentary … OF JUSTICE!
With this enduring blog . . .OF SNARK! I will strike a blow . . .FOR HONESTY! That looks like the cheapest rip-off piece of crap OF ALL TIME!
-enduring blog… OF SNARKITUDE!
There. I fixed it for you.
There was once a time where these scales measured the worth of criminals against the greater good and put those it found wanting behind bars. There was a time when people called these scales a hero…
But those days are long-gone.
Now… Now, these scales serve little other purpose than to be sold from buyer to buyer on Craigslist, drifting endlessly through bad offers and poorly-written descriptions, their face marred by poor photo quality and objects in the frame that have nothing to do with the subject, and some tool insisting that they are, in fact, a lion.
Eventually, misused and alone, they’ll find their way to You Suck at Craigslist, a porn site dedicated to the comedic slander of similar poorly-done ads.
Maybe there, the scales will find their retribution…
Once this was just an ordinary scale, living out its normal everyday scale life. Weighing things. Comparing them against the weights of other things. Until that fateful day when it saw its parents melted down by criminals. Left despairing, it felt powerless to do anything about the unchecked violence and corruption in the world. Until that OTHER fateful day when it was attacked and bitten by a radioactive lawyer, and was given incredible powers. Powers that might finally turn the tide. From that day forward, it became… The Scale of JUSTICE!
Just One Question – can these be used for weed?
Step 4 – smoke all the profit!
In the Bong of …Dude. Look at my hand.
In the living room of…. pass the Funions.
On the couch of… You ever stop to think how hummingbirds can hover in place, but like, move at the same time? In the sky, y’know?
And there’s this car… that runs on water! Only the government doesn’t want anyone to know about it, man!
Just like the Man to keep the little guys down, brah. We can’t even, like, post weed scales on Craigslist without…
…I think I need another hit, man. I just got this crazy vision of a golden scale on this website… I think it was, uh, “You… Are Not Cool on Craigslist,” or something, man.
Paint scale for great justice.
The hilarious thing is that when I showed Dan the post, before he’d even read the commentary he started doing the movie announcer voice and said, “Vintage scale … OF JUSTICE!” completely unprompted.
Clearly, this means that Dan is secretly Michelle.
Hey, even Ostrimus like to feel pretty sometime.
All I want for Beesmas is the Ostrimu covering this tune now.
IF, we need to get on KickStarter! How much do you think it will take?
In that case you should change the tag from “possibly awesome” to “definitely awesome”.
I can’t exactly determine the scale of this scale from the photo, but it appears to be too small to be a Scale of Justice. It looks more like a Scale of Fish. It should find a plaice in someone’s dinning room.
Can I use it for microfish?
Or perhaps a guppy?
I think I could squeeze two platies on the plate.
Or a trio of tetras.
It’s a scale of small claims court justice.
Well, it’s clearly too small for witchweight, nor very small stones, or the like.
I am trying to keep myself in a ‘happy place’ it being the Friday of my week (as it will be for many Americans today). So, I am not imagining what was spilt upon the scales that ate through the clear lacquer finish and spoilt the faux brass to the point of Spark’ forking over $2.95 for a can of gold spray paint . . . oh, wait, yes, maybe I do know how this came to be–never mind.
It’s best not to think on it.
Remember that one totally-covered-in-cheese shirt?
I should have known!!!!! THE “Scales of Justice” are really just cheap brass sprayed with gold paint!!!… I am SO disillusioned!!!!
Justice is blind, so, you know, she’ll buy anything, especially from Craigslist.
Cause when you touch them on-line, they look great!
The System is broken. Thankfully, I also found a System on Craigslist, free to a good home, with a modest rehoming fee.
Maybe I can use this Vintage Scale of JUSTICE to measure my Vintage Cereal of KILLER or my Vintage Crisco of COOKING.
David Caruso places scale on table.
“This is a Vintage Brass Scale…”
*takes out sunglasses and puts them on*
“…of JUSTICE.”
YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!
I’m just gonna leave that here… because, y’know… justice.
According to my niece, the Scale at Justice is to buy her weight in stuff there–except that’s so last year . . .
Back that brass up…
I know who this would be a good gift for (and I hope this link works)
It did! It did work! Hooray for your link!
But alas, soon it will be unemployed and just hanging around the snark lounge. It’s probably already started licking the coffee slices and slobbering on the gerberts and sharpening its claws on the fur doors. That’s not justice. Justifiable maybe, but not justice. Maybe you can sell your link for free on craigslist.
Ghostie, you are free from the box to enjoy Turkey Day with those you love, or if you can’t get out of it, your family. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Overeaters Hypotenuse!
SC, I hope you find justice in the box today. Slightly to the left of guilt and circumstantial evidence.
Oh, hey! I got a flashlight this time!
And if anyone is here now and needs some Turkey Day snark, there’s a free (free as long as you’re in the USA or Canada) MST3K marathon. Started at noon, I don’t know when it ends. http://www.mst3kturkeyday.com/mst3k/marathon.html
I’m posting a few days after the fact; I was weighing my comments carefully as I wanted to do justice to the awesomeness of drmk’s snarkitude. Sorry…I got nuthin’.