You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: translation

  • YSaC, Vol. 236: Taking one for the Team (Mobile?).

    Very Different but very cute guy available for fun or dating – 22

    Hey, “I am the gay friend”, and yes he could easily find a girl/lady and does. But, he gave me a chance to look around for him because of some stuff we talked about.

    He is:
    6’2 short blond hair, blue eyes, big arms, nice chest, nice back muscles. (Yeah, Ha ha ha okay so I check him out..lol do you blame me?)

    Personality:
    He is a self assured, motor cycle riding (sport bike), average guy, He respects women, and takes up for his friends as needed. (he has for me)

    He and I talked:
    not too long ago after I had gone out of my way to help him out (not money) more then once. He said “You know your one of those people you know you can count on. Is there anything I can do for you – no gay shit-!” I laughed and we talked for a while. I had shared I was curious about a few things:
    1. I woke up once to another friend and his girl having mad passionet sex- it actually effected me. ( I was not interested at all in girls before that Point) as well as I am not sure I am now. I am “ha ha” bi-curious towards girls I guess. — So I asked if I could watch sometime because he described to me before how he had enjoy different things with women.

    2. I was curious about how he looked Naked. I said “I know I cant have you, but really wouldnt mind seeing you.

    He told me “I could never just show you by myself, it would just seem to werid to me. I also would enjoy helping you determine in you were bi -with women- but could not do a 3 some with you.”

    I was fine with both of those.

    So I am seeking a girl/lady from 18 to 39 (he has dated up to 39 – she was hot – and thats from a gay dood..lol)

    HERE IS THE DEAL/ OPTIONS:
    1. He is willing to just let a girl get him worked up and take it out for him (he said he couldnt get hard with just me in the room etc). or

    2. He is willing (he might be scared) to let me watch him and a girl/lady have passionet sex. Providing they are willing. The one girl I knew, was afraid her breast were too small. No matter how much I tried to explain i was gay and didnt care…that it was more about seeing the passion and the fun..

    He is willing to DATE or Do a Special sexual night. He really doesnt do one night stands but if you together want to do this project he would.

    So I laughed and said “Imagin if you two hit it off, and got married…some day down the road we would sit and laugh out how you met”

    So requirments;
    That you be 18-to-39 (some older exceptions could be made)
    He prefers white, or assian or similar
    You must send picture, and I am working on getting a good dressed one of him.

    Note: I do not plan to join, I wouldnt want to offend him..unless he changed his mind. So do not worry about that. Also I am not looking to change him, so I am not looking for someone to con him into letting me do stuff to him. He is my friend and I intend to keep it that way.

    Okay, let me get this right. You’re trying to find a woman who will sleep with your straight friend while you watch, so that you can simultaneously see your good friend naked AND determine whether or not you might be attracted to women.

    What could possibly go wrong?

    And how could you have possibly explained that in any more concise of a fashion? I’m sure it couldn’t have been done in, say, 37 words and a single sentence.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXXV

    EMERGENCY SEARCH-BUYER OF FRENCH LOPS [LOCATION] 10-08?

    DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR THE BUYER OF THE PERSON WHO BOUGHT FRENCH LOPS IN [LOCATION] APPROXIMATELY 1 MONTH AGO. I HAVE TWO OF THEM MYSELF, DOES. I HAVE INFORMATION AND OTHER THAT YOU WILL WANT FROM ME AND WANT TO KNOW FOR ALL GOOD REASONS FOR YOURSELF. ANYONE KNOWING THIS PERSON AS WELL, PLEASE HAVE THEM CONTACT ME. SINCERELY, KAREN, [LOCATION]. xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Wait, let me get this translation right. I’m going to have to break this down bit by bit.
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. LXXXIX

    Academically Delinquent Student Seeks Writing Coach

    Sensible [college] senior seeks beneficent academic, advanced degree student, or otherwise professional writer to act as guide through the vicissitudes of writing. Though my trouble with writing remained a private albatross for years, I don’t want my last semester to turn out like the never-ending story on account of a few papers, and, ahem, a thesis. A helpful sensei would read essay drafts, provide compositional and critical theoretical feedback, and be generally, sensitively, and honestly encouraging. I’m open to email correspondence or face to face meetings. In exchange for your services, I will cook, clean, babysit, or perform any other reasonable and ordinary unskilled labor or light techie task you need.

    Most likely translation: Despite the fact that I clearly know my way around the English language and a thesaurus, I’m terminally lazy and want someone to write my senior thesis for me.

  • YSaC, Vol. LXXV

    Sofa and Love Seat For Sale – $500

    Sofa and Love seat for sale, no more room for them decent condition, no tears or rips in fabric.

    For sale: One sofa, and one clothing* storage unit. Great for jeans, sweatpants, and t-shirts. Perfect for small spaces: can also be used for seating.

    *Clothing not included.

    Submitted by Laurel — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. XXVIII

    not sure how to word this – m4w – 29

    like the title says, not sure how to word this.

    I’m looking for a girl who wants more in her sex life. I guess thats what I’m looking for. I’ve been married for a few years now, but our sex life seems dull and lacking.

    are you in the same position?

    Maybe we could help each other out. obviously must be discrete.

    Here, let me help you figure out how to word that:

    I want to cheat on my wife with someone who will do the freaky things she won’t do.

    Does that help?

    And damn it, it’s discreet. Why do so many people misspell that one?