You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: unrealistic expectations

  • YSaC, Vol. 397: Childhood is priceless. Childcare, not so much.

    need a sitter for 11:00 – $20

    sitter fell through earlier and i have to be at work at 12. my friend will be off at 5 and will come get my son right after. my son plays well with other kids. everyone tells me he’s an angel. and if you dont have kids of your own dont bother calling . and if youre a weirdo, you should be scared. i’ll only trust another mother. if you could come get him that woiuld be great, but i’ll make my way to you if theres no other way. and my name is xxxx by the way. thanks xxx xxx xxxx

    1. You’re offering someone $20 to watch your kid from 11-5 pm. In other words, the price you’re putting on your angel-child’s well-being is $3.33/hr.
    2. Oh, that’s right, you’re also offering to let a stranger pick your child up and take him away with them.
    3. I didn’t realize that mother and weirdo were mutually exclusive categories.
    4. For extra bonus hilarity, you posted this at 9:30 am, and you think you have the ability to be picky.

    I didn’t think it would be possible to find a worse offer than that, but of course I did. This one was from kijiji.com:

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  • YSaC, Vol. 385: One man’s treasure is another man’s …

    Best Offer Wins this Terrific Box of Goodies!

    Box of stuff for sale! List includes but is not limited to:

    120W Car stereo graphic equalizer thingy
    Casio adding machine with printer (needs ribbon)
    alarm clock
    shampoos/conditioners
    styling mousse
    hand soap
    loofa for that alligator skin you get sometimes, hopefully sometimes!
    random DC power supply
    graphic calculator
    hand sanitizer
    silver jewelry cleaner
    wrapping paper filler
    oil lamp bases
    back brace
    towel
    prevention magazine
    old style motorola carrying case
    flax seed bag opened

    Best offer wins this box of terrific stuff!
    Cash Only

    In order to win this box of gems you need to send me your name, date and time you can pick it up and the amount of your offer. Any questions about the items disqualifies you as I am not trying to sell it. I have better things to do. As far as I know all of the items work. I will delete the ad when the item sells so don’t ask me if it’s still available. I never answer those emails anyway. Good luck! 🙂

    385

    Josie sends this ad in, saying, “This listing is SO funny to me! I can’t decide if I think this person A) cleaned out their car and put everything in a box; B) kicked their significant other out and put his/her stuff in a box; C) needs a quick buck and so grabbed everything in their house that he/she could live without and is now auctioning it off on craigslist…

    “I’d love to know more about it, especially that “graphic calculator”, but would be devastated to be disqualified from this excellent auction. My bid is going to be $0.17 and I’ll pick it up a year from next Tuesday.”

    I’d just like to point out that this ad was posted on July 1; as I’m writing this post, it’s currently July 20th and the ad is still up … so I guess Josie’s bid didn’t get accepted.

    Thanks for the listing, Josie! Better luck next time.

  • YSaC, Vol. 380: 2+2=5.

    2 platnum journy albums – $2000

    I have 2 platnum journy albums I have no use for them, I dont hang them up and they just collect dust,
    I am asking $2000 for one or $5,000 for both. Email me or call for info @ xxx-xxx-xxxx

    380

    Andy submitted this ad, saying, “For some reason this was posted under photo/video. However, since I’m a big fan of journy, I’m going to buy one of them for $2000. Then I will call back right away and buy the second one for $2000, thus saving $1000 relative to if I had bought them both at the same time. Because $5,000 (with a comma, unlike $2000) is a bit much, even for platnum.”

    Rainbow Swing Set – $10000

    King Kong Double Whammy Rainbow Play System. Two king kong swing sets put together to make the ultimate play system for your kids. My husband is relocating for his job and unfortunately the swing set must go. We are willing to sell as one large set, or possible two seperate swing sets for $4,500. There are many forts, a large tunnel, two slides, 3 swings, one disc swing, tire swing, monkey bars, gymnastics bars, and play area for sand. If interested you can call at xxx-xxx-xxxx. More pictures available upon request.

    380a

    As if to prove that a lack of math skills isn’t limited to fans of misspelled bands, Nikki sends this one in, saying, “This person may have a ten thousand dollar playset but they’re lacking some math skills. Buy the entire playset for $10k OR they will split it into two parts for $4,500 each. I’m wondering, can I buy the whole thing in two sets or should I send my husband after the second half? It would save a thousand bucks.”

    I’m hoping the kids weren’t homeschooled.

    Thanks, Andy and Nikki!

  • YSaC, Vol. 368: I hear the helicopter …

    There’s something very sweet about this ad, but there’s also something very, very wrong about it as well.

    Young Bachelor in Need

    Hello my son is 24 and moving into his very first own place today. He just came out of a nasty relationship and is a bachelor. I am with my husband who is a truck driver and we will not be home for two weeks to help. He has no furniture, and any good clean furniture would be appreciated as well as household items including fans , blankets pots, pans etc that no one needs anymore. He can pick up. ( Pictures, comic books old dvds that will keep him busy and u no longer need dvd player anything). He works full time so he is not a slouch, its just rough for young people, and I am not home to help him move or set him up so i feel bad. We are not asking for charity. He can work for good furniture or work out a payment schedule if the items are cheap and things he likes and needs. He is a good boy. He has no bed or living room couch or chair at all and no blankets or fans. I am sure any food donations would also be appreciated. Likewise, I often help others in need and will reciprocate to any person I can help. Thank You and God Bless. Please email xxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com or call xxx xxx xxxx. His name is Tony.

    It’s nice of Tony’s mom to try to help out her son, but … ma’am, Tony is 24 years old. He needs to be able to figure out how to do things (like go to the Salvation Army or use Craigslist) on his own now. At some point he’s going to walk into his new apartment and say to himself, “Self, I’d like to sit down but I don’t have any chairs. How can I rectify this situation?” And rather than having his answer be, “I know! I’ll call Mom and see if she has any chairs, or any idea about how to acquire them!”, he SHOULD be able to figure out how to acquire chairs on his own.

    Your son is almost a quarter century old — why are you asking people for comic books or old dvds to “keep him busy”? (Is it wrong that I’m tempted to send a “Thomas the Tank Engine” dvd?) Doesn’t he have hobbies? Friends? Or have you coddled this poor boy so much that he’s strangled his social life with your apron strings?

    Thanks for the submission, ElephantsChild!

  • YSaC, Vol. 366: Want to buy a weeder?

    Mow that LAWN – $40

    Lawnboy gas powered , people pushed mower, easy start. Ready to go.
    already started today so if you want to see run, come on over for atest drive and finish my lawn.
    xxx-xxx-xxxx, ‘Cause I will be out side in the sun.

    This man is my new hero. “You want proof that this lawnmower works? Here, mow my lawn for me. See? It works.”

    Or then there’s this type of optimism:

    Aerial Antenna

    Hello,

    I have an old-school antenna attached to the roof of my house that I do not need. I don’t know anything about antennas but it looks like a nice one to me. It’s free for the taking provided you bring your own step ladder (at least 10ft tall I’m thinking) and you promise not to fall off my roof. It’s tricky getting on the roof because you can’t lean a ladder on the gutters as they’ll collapse. Anyhow, if interested, please email me to set up a date and time.

    364

    Sara sends this in, with her translation: “I don’t want to pay someone to remove this antenna, which may or may not work.  So, if you have a 10 foot ladder that can magically levitate so that it doesn’t lean against my crappy gutters, and if you promise to not sue me if you fall and break your neck, you can own this fabulous, possibly functional, ‘old school’ antenna.”

    And, of course, there’s this:

    BROKEN BRICKS

    Have a pile of broken bricks from removing a walkway, need gone ASAP bring a truck you haul away………

    364a

    Matt says, “Here, let me clean up your mess for you.”

    I don’t know what the supply-and-demand chain is like for broken bricks these days, but this was posted in Detroit — it’s possible that someone could take these bricks and build a house that would be worth $6.50. Then again, just about every house in Detroit is worth $6.50.

  • YSaC, Vol. 357: No connection.

    Liz sends in some “Missed Connections” posts, with this explanation:

    “Okay, so there is this guy who ALWAYS posts Missed Connections on our local CL.  He always writes the same things, so we always know it’s him.  And now we also know that when a 37-year-old pops up on there, it’s most likely him.  Some of our favorite lines of his are: “You was pretty and sexy,” “I want to hook up with you,” “we made eye contact,’ and, our favorite, “hope the girl see this.”

    We (me and my co-workers) have been following this guy’s posts for about 3 months now.  Every time one pops up, he’s at a new location, and it’s always some sort of eatery. We just don’t understand how one guy can have soooo many missed connections in his lifetime, and it’s always when he’s at lunch or dinner! These are just three that he’s posted in the past month.”

    waitress at The Grill – m4w – 37

    Date: 2009-06-05, 10:40PM EDT
    was eating at the grill on June 4 around 7:30pm.the waitress was young and fine.she had long dark hair with black jeans on and white shirt.if you are the girl tell me what i was wearing or what i order to eat.we chat a little.really would love to hook up with the girl.hope the girl see this.the girl shirt was low cut and showing some clevage

    Why do I get the feeling that by “we chat a little” the guy means, “You asked me what I wanted to eat, brought me my food, asked if you could refill my Coke, and then brought me my check”? And that he thinks that means that they’re soulmates? Well, they were soulmates until a few weeks later, at least, when …

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