You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 385: One man’s treasure is another man’s …

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drmk

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Best Offer Wins this Terrific Box of Goodies!

Box of stuff for sale! List includes but is not limited to:

120W Car stereo graphic equalizer thingy
Casio adding machine with printer (needs ribbon)
alarm clock
shampoos/conditioners
styling mousse
hand soap
loofa for that alligator skin you get sometimes, hopefully sometimes!
random DC power supply
graphic calculator
hand sanitizer
silver jewelry cleaner
wrapping paper filler
oil lamp bases
back brace
towel
prevention magazine
old style motorola carrying case
flax seed bag opened

Best offer wins this box of terrific stuff!
Cash Only

In order to win this box of gems you need to send me your name, date and time you can pick it up and the amount of your offer. Any questions about the items disqualifies you as I am not trying to sell it. I have better things to do. As far as I know all of the items work. I will delete the ad when the item sells so don’t ask me if it’s still available. I never answer those emails anyway. Good luck! 🙂

385

Josie sends this ad in, saying, “This listing is SO funny to me! I can’t decide if I think this person A) cleaned out their car and put everything in a box; B) kicked their significant other out and put his/her stuff in a box; C) needs a quick buck and so grabbed everything in their house that he/she could live without and is now auctioning it off on craigslist…

“I’d love to know more about it, especially that “graphic calculator”, but would be devastated to be disqualified from this excellent auction. My bid is going to be $0.17 and I’ll pick it up a year from next Tuesday.”

I’d just like to point out that this ad was posted on July 1; as I’m writing this post, it’s currently July 20th and the ad is still up … so I guess Josie’s bid didn’t get accepted.

Thanks for the listing, Josie! Better luck next time.

Comments

46 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 385: One man’s treasure is another man’s …”

  1. Sarah Avatar
    Sarah

    I’ve been needing some wrapping paper filler lately. And prevention magazine… is that French Prevention?

  2. Lainie Avatar
    Lainie

    What a random box of crap that is. Eww @ the loofah. That isn’t something you share! Gross! And just what ive always wanted, an old bag-phone case, 120W Car stereo graphic equalizer thingy, and a casio adding machine! And ive been needing a back brace bad. And mmm…flax seed! I hope my offer is the lucky winner! This is AWESOME!!

    Oh, and LOL @ “Any questions about the items disqualifies you as I am not trying to sell it. I have better things to do”. She’s not trying to sell it? But it’s posted on craigslist? Um ok.

    1. Monica Hamburg Avatar
      Monica Hamburg

      I know!

      He writes: “In order to win this box of gems you need to send me …the amount of your offer.”

      And then:

      “Any questions about the items disqualifies you as I am not trying to sell it.”

      No, you’re not trying to “sell” it. Just get money for it. Riiiight.

      1. Count Blah Avatar
        Count Blah

        I think what s/he means is, “I’m not TRYING to sell it.” As in, “I am putting minimal effort into this endeavor. But it’s definitely confusing.

  3. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Wow, I need an opened bag of flax seed! Everything else is just a bonus.

  4. PrincessLuceval Avatar
    PrincessLuceval

    The random outdated crap is hilarious, but the topper is the back brace. “Let’s see, what else can I put in this box to fill it out…flax seed, old calculator, Motorola case….AH! Gramma’s bedridden forever now, she won’t be needing the back brace anymore!”

    1. Celeste Avatar
      Celeste

      This was my favorite, too!

    2. corn flakes Avatar
      corn flakes

      My favorite was the adding machine. It would be perfect for me. I plan on opening a small business in 1978.

      1. Gridlock Avatar
        Gridlock

        Mwaha.

        boomtish

    3. Lola Avatar
      Lola

      I’m thinking that this isn’t a breakup, I think they got the ex *dead.*

  5. Fraulein N Avatar
    Fraulein N

    If you’re offering it in exchange for “cash only,” then yeah, you’re selling it. You’re selling a box of trash. I wonder if “WTF?” counts as a question. I sure don’t want to get disqualified.

  6. Amy H. Avatar
    Amy H.

    I totally agree with Josie’s 2nd guess at the reason behind this ad. As I was reading it I was thinking “Wow, looks like somebody’s girlfriend just left and he packed up all her stuff into a box. And to top it off, he’s too lazy to take it to the trash so he figures he’ll ‘auction’ it off on CL.” Wow, just wow.

  7. Irregular Fractal Avatar
    Irregular Fractal

    Clearly, this guy has just bought a used car from MacGyver.

    1. neverfirst Avatar
      neverfirst

      Maybe Patty & Selma have put the high bid in. No telling what they would do with MacGyver’s backbrace.

  8. Ray Avatar
    Ray

    Hahaha. The alligator skin comment was kinda creepy. Is it a joke I’m not getting? At the top it also says “…but not limited to” so there are even more goodies in that box! Maybe some used tissues, or, you guessed it, a second back brace!

    And if they don’t open their email, how will they ever know if someone has placed an offer?

    ㅎ_ㅎ

    1. D / DM Avatar
      D / DM

      There was a commercial for a body wash a while back… the brand escapes me… anyway, it was a moisturizing body wash, and it featured a woman with nice, moist skin and an alligator with his dry skin walking around her. I’m guessing “alligator skin” is a reference to that.

  9. sidebeards Avatar
    sidebeards

    This is a hobo’s dream post. Almost all those items could easily fit into a large bandana tied to the end of a stick.

    -The back brace would make him a fashion icon within the hobo camp.
    -Used loofa? No problem! They never wash anyway and probably think its French for “car air freshener”.
    -Hand sanitizer = food condiment
    -No more using meat fat to grease your hair! That styling mousse will work great with the fishbone comb!

    awesome find… if you’re a hobo…

    1. corn flakes Avatar
      corn flakes

      The sad thing for hobos, is that they rarely have internet access
      I’m sorry hobos.

      1. D / DM Avatar
        D / DM

        Are you kidding me? With the ready availability and easy thievability of today’s smartphones, hobos are becoming more tech-savvy by the minute.

  10. kelli Avatar
    kelli

    I bid $0.52 and I’ll pick it up yesterday.

    I have no questions about this box of random used articles, but will a comment disqualify me? Selling a used loofah is disgusting and yes, accepting money in exchange for goods is selling said goods.

  11. Monica Hamburg Avatar
    Monica Hamburg

    I was reading this list with growing excitement. But then I noticed there was no used urinary leg bag OR smoker’s dentures. And so my search continues.

    http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=1065
    http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=1328

  12. Cathy D Avatar
    Cathy D

    My first thought was in line with Josie’s second guess: box of stuff belonging to ex. However, you have to wonder how bad the break-up was if they’re selling their significant other’s back brace rather than giving it back to them! Put’s the phrase, “Don’t come crawling back to me,” onto a whole new level.

  13. o rly? Avatar
    o rly?

    The emoticon at the end really make this post for me. I don’t know why, but that was the point at which I actually LOLed. Personally, I’ve never suffered from alligator skin, but if I did, I don’t think a dirty loofah would help the situation in any way.

  14. kay Avatar
    kay

    i love that “everything works”.
    that’s right, the prevention magazine works. he didn’t tear out any pages, or color them with a sharpie, or however else a magazine would be broken.

    1. D / DM Avatar
      D / DM

      Maybe it “works” in that it really prevents heart disease, etc.

      Or maybe it “works” in that if you leave it in the bathroom, you’ll have something to read every time you’re in there.

  15. MissBeckett Avatar
    MissBeckett

    I thought that someone just cleaned out their closet and was too lazy to throw it out. The computer is much closer than the trash can!

  16. stria Avatar
    stria

    I love how the person claims “I am not trying to sell it” and then three lines later writes “I will delete the ad when the item SELLS”.

  17. casualencounters.com/blog/ Avatar
    casualencounters.com/blog/

    I guess he means he’s not interested in trying to “hard sell” it. Like, “Make an offer and take your chances–I can’t be bothered testing stuff of checking stuff or answering questions.” In which case, vocabulary fail?

  18. Kate K Avatar
    Kate K

    What the hell is a prevention magazine? Is that one that, you know, prevents you from getting your girlfriend pregnant, as the girls in the pictures are much prettier?

    1. D / DM Avatar
      D / DM

      Your joke was so good I almost decided not to write anything… but this is Prevention magazine.

  19. Kate S Avatar
    Kate S

    Break-up box? Possibly. But my guess is that it’s a carefully crafted attempt to test the limits/possibilities of Craigslist. Every item more ironic than the last…

    Or a bet. “Hey, dude! I bet you can’t get $5 for everything in your glove box! I bet ya! Ha — c’mon! Let’s try that shit out on Craigslist! Ha. And, like, let’s throw in that back brace we stole from that cripple guy in the park, too!”

  20. dogface Avatar
    dogface

    Erm, usually I like boxes of goodies, but when I get boxes of goodies, they’re usually filled with fun stuff from Archie McPhee or have fun Balzac stickers and band stuff and a random T shirt. D:

  21. dogface Avatar
    dogface

    “Any questions about the items disqualifies you as I am not trying to sell it. I have better things to do.”

    Oh, I see. You totally have better thing to do than post an ad on Craigslist about box that you’re not selling but are totally willing to give in exchange for money. Right.

    P.S. Telling people that you can’t ask questions about something that they may be giving you money for (But not buying. Just exchanging money for items.) totally isn’t suspicious. I have absolutely no suspicions that you’re trying to rip me off. Nope. None at all.

    1. D / DM Avatar
      D / DM

      I admire this ad, actually. The guy has this box of crap and knows that some people, frankly, like crap. He’s seen garage sales and people with metal detectors. Probably figures if he can pay for lunch AND get rid of this box of crap with minimal effort, then he’s won. I don’t blame him at all.

      1. dogface Avatar
        dogface

        Hey, I don’t mind him getting rid of a box of crap at all. Hell, some of this crap is probably just as good used as it is new. It’s the whole “DON’T ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS!” thing and the fact that he can’t decide whether he’s actually selling it or not that’s raising my eyebrow.

        1. D / DM Avatar
          D / DM

          Well, that’s where “minimal effort” comes in. If you have to start answering questions–“Was this loofah ever used in foreplay? Do you think the DC power supply will fit my Game Boy? Is there enough hand sanitizer to, say, write a flaming three-line letter on the hood of my ex-girlfriend’s car while she’s inside Applebee’s?”–then it’s more trouble than it’s worth, and you may as well just throw the crap away.

  22. Rebecca_J Avatar
    Rebecca_J

    How could you say no to a used loofah that was used on someone’s “alligator skin?” Yummy.

  23. Traveler Avatar
    Traveler

    Come on, haven’t you ever played any classic adventure games by Lucas Arts or Sierra (the Monkey Island series, Grim Fandango…)? This is just the kind of completely random things that you would end up needing in your inventory. Guybrush Threepwood would be ecstatic if he saw this ad (of course, how he could get internet access is another matter -although not inimaginable at all, considering the things you could find in those games-).

  24. skoboat Avatar
    skoboat

    Wow. It says something about my family background that this listing totally makes sense to me. My aunt used to bring goody boxes like this when she came to visit. After she left we’d throw away most of the stuff, keeping the one or two useful items.

    Also – my old office had a white elephant holiday gift exchange. One year my co-worker did (A) – cleaned out his car and put everything in a box. Then he wrapped it as a gift.

  25. Jen Avatar
    Jen

    That styling mousse is easily 4 years old. Clairol has not used that branding for many years. Where do I sign up to possibly win this box of unlimited treasure?!

  26. Holls Avatar
    Holls

    I love how it says “Any questions about the items disqualifies you as I am not trying to sell it.” but 2 sentences later, “I will delete the ad when the item sells so don’t ask me if it’s still available.” Ha ha.

  27. Not-a-[censored] Lion Avatar
    Not-a-[censored] Lion

    Hey, you sass that sparky on craigslist? There’s a frood that knows where his towel is.

  28. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    I’m going to disqualify myself.
    About the graphic calculator. Is the calculator pornographically graphic or maybe violently graphic like what you might get with a catulator? I guess it could be both since both have to do with [puddy tats] to put it mildly.

  29. Not-a-[censored] Lion Avatar
    Not-a-[censored] Lion

    loofa for that alligator skin you get sometimes, hopefully sometimes!

    What a [censored]! This [censored] hopes I get alligator skin sometimes. No! I won’t ask him any questions. I’ll just hunt him down and slap him upside the head.

  30. P-Rex Avatar
    P-Rex

    I bet one of the things not mentioned is a mummified mole rat.
    Or maybe a toilet plunger. (needs handle)
    Or an AOL free trial account CD.
    Or an oral thermometer. (Accidentally used rectally once.)

  31. P-Rex Avatar
    P-Rex

    I don’t think we want any of this crap in the box. I’m sure IF doesn’t want to share the space with this stuff.

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