Decorator Redecorating!!!!! This is a one of a kind sideboard. Very ornate! It is hand carved with guilted gold, solid marble top is 60″long, 24″wide, 32″ high
I know exactly what you’re thinking — how does one achieve the decorating nirvana of “guilted gold”?
Well, we here at YSaC are all about education*, so I’ve done years worth of research into this particular phenomenon and am happy to share it with you.
The process of guilting something in gold is very laborious. It involves my mother standing over it and saying things like, “Don’t worry about calling me, I know you’re busy” and “No, really, it’s okay that you got married without me there; you’re just my only daughter.”
Eventually, the guilt builds up in layers. Done properly, the guilted gold shines so brightly that it reflects all of the disappointment on her face. (“All my friends have grandchildren.”) Once it’s completed, the sealing layer is applied (“Don’t mind me, I’ll just sit here in the retirement home in the dark”).
So you can see what an intensive and soul-crushingly painstaking process guilting gold is. Really, would it kill you to pay $3,000 to keep your mother’s love intact? After all she’s done for you? Selfish ingrates.
So, in other words, they hired a decorator who took one look at that and said “Who the f#&k are you, the King of Siam?” And yet, we’re supposed to pay $3000 for something a professional deemed too ugly to be seen?
Ah! Totally forgot about Hobby Lobby and their crap-tastic furniture!
Y’know, it seems like the furniture at Hobby Lobby really isn’t meant to be used. Maybe because it just seems weird to me to be buying furniture at a craft store.
Hey, I have a nice lamp I got from Hobby Lobby and it doesn’t look like a rococo explosion at all. I think it might be the exception that proves the rule though…
CapnMac
Always seemed odd to buy things that are “complete” at a crafts store–everything else needs a finish, or gluing, or beads, or, look, flamingo decoupage! . . .
jackie31337
Why is it that whenever there’s an asterisk in a post, the note is almost always “This may not actually be true”?
Also, I’m thinking that the fact this sideboard is one of a kind is a very good thing.
Guilted gold = That cherub on the front feels bad about something he didn’t even do.
That thing is so bad I kind of love it. You want to put it in a room with a painting over the fireplace of a bad Reubens copy of a plump woman not quite swathed in filmy fabric and framed to match the table, peacock-feather-trimmed furniture, and a wastecan made out of an elephant’s foot, those sort of things.
A guilted gold table like this one would be ideal for displaying your framed “Passive Aggressive Notes” that your mother/grandmother no doubt sends you on a regular basis 🙂
“I’ll just sit here in the retirement home, in the dark.” FTW….loved it!!
In an effort to help actually SELL this ummm, piece of “art/furniture” I suggest more truth in advertising.
Are you a fan of the reality tv series The Real Housewives of New Jersey? Then why not own a table straight form one of their tacky homes?!!! and at only $3K? fuhhhgehdaboudit!
Oh my! A friend of a friend left the link to your blog on a facebook comment today. Let me tell you, I am laughing so hard, I am afraid I will wake my 6 month old and fiancee.. I will definitely enjoy going through the rest of your older posts, and look forward to the new ones.
Life is not always fair
She’s not guilty but who is to care
Why do they always blame it on her
They call her what she isn’t, was never ever
She’ guilty that’s what they say
she’s not guilty but she has to pay
Neither a thief nor a murder
The fate has made her a sufferer
She’s just a prisoner of fate
A victim of curse and hate
She’s not powerful enough to fight the fate
It’s laws are so powerful and great
She’s not ready to repent and cry
she doesn’t want to lose and die
her pride is all that she has got
What’s making it fall she just know not
she doesn’t ask for forgiveness
she asks for mercy and fairness
she’s broken and a part of her is dying
she’s not guilty and so she is crying
Goes to go paint (somebody else’s) house (for free, but it’s a good cause even if I’m broke and could use the $20/hr and all . . .but the Greater Good is always more precious than guilted gold.)
My Google ad is back, and it’s not very evident what this vendor is selling. When I clicked on it, I found out you can buy gold and silver leaf from this person! Wow! I’m going to guilt ALL the things!
Calling all Star Trek, Star Wars, and in general Science Fiction Nerds! If you have not seen the movie, Paul, run, do not walk or waste time worrying about what to wear. GO SEE IT!
Also bring one of those counters like the use to count how many people go into Disneyland, and click it every time you recognize anything from another movie. Actors as well as lines, settings, anything. 8) Mine got up to 7,566 before it melted.
Just noticed something about this ad. It claims the marble top is 32″ tall.
Applying my PhotoShop-Fu, this, ah, furniture, is thus 384″ tall. For those who are less used to those sorts of measurements, 384″ is 32′-0″ (975.36cm or 9.7536m),
So, this, ah, furniture, is a ‘side’ for the 10m TV and the seven-story couch!
[furniture corey] A “sideboard” is a serving table adjacent to a dining area, and wants needs be 36″ to 40″ tall, and thermally neutral, not with a stone heatsink top.
Now, a “side table” or “reception table” (which are often found under mirrors) are very apt to be 30-32″ tall. An ornate top material is suitable, too, since the purpose of such tables is to have the fancy bowl into which calling cards are place, and perhaps a bud vase.
[/corey]
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