YSaC, Vol. 233: I’ll take “Things You Shouldn’t Recycle” for $200, Alex.

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MUST SALE SOON


GRAMMA PAST AND LEFT HER DENTURES COULDN’T SEE THEM GO TO WASTE. ALITTLE STAINED(GRANDMA WAS A SMOKER) IM SURE THEY CAN BE CLEANED UP SHE ONLY WORE THEM TO DR APPOINTMENTS SO THEY NOT ALMOST LIKE NEW!!! SERIOUS INQUIRES ONLY WILLING TO CONSIDER TRADE FOR GOOD LAPTOP
PLEASE EMAIL FOR FITTING APPOINTMENT EVENING TIMES MORE CONVIENENT FOR ME
THANK YOU AND HOPE THAT WE CAN HELP SOMEONE OUT KEEP IN MIND GRANDMA WAS PETITE SO THEY WILL PROBABLY NOT FIT A BIGGER PERSON FREE HALF A TUBE OF FIXODENT AS I HAVE NO USE FOR IT
PLEASE DONT FLAG ME

I think this might be worse than the catheter bag and enema table. These were actually in this woman’s mouth — not to mention that she SMOKED with them in. I’m getting tongue cancer just thinking about it.

Edited to add: Now that I’ve had my caffeine today, I realized we may have solved the problem that this woman and her daughter were going to be facing.

Comments

45 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 233: I’ll take “Things You Shouldn’t Recycle” for $200, Alex.”

  1. Courtney Avatar
    Courtney

    Oh dear God. I was born, randomly, without four of my permanent teeth so when the baby teeth finally couldn’t take it anymore (at 32) so I learned the process to fit something like this. They fit it and re-fit it and fit it again. Then it goes to a technician who molds it. Those dentures will not fit in anyone else’s mouth but “Gramma’s” and should have been buried with her. So on top of being absolutely disgusting, it doesn’t work like that.
    Sadly, there is a poor person without teeth who will probably take them, putting them in only to eat. But they’re gonna hurt.
    OH, wait a minute! This just got even more disgusting – let’s say they get multiple inquiries and multiple people come to try them out! I think I just threw up a little.

  2. elle emm Avatar
    elle emm

    Yikes. First off, people “pass away”, the past tense of which is passed, not “past”. Second, why do they make it sound as if she simply forgot to take her dentures with her when she left? Also, EWW!

  3. Callisto Avatar

    Haha I think this person had a little Freudian slip in their ad. “So they NOT almost like new“.

  4. kt Avatar
    kt

    i think the fact that they think they can get a really good laptop to trade for is craziness! who in there right mind would think, “hmmm, i wonder if i could get some gently used dentures in exchange for this perfectly good laptop i just happen to have lying around.” where do they find these people?!?!?

  5. Mandee Avatar
    Mandee

    I wonder if they’d fit Gramma Present or Gramma Future? *ducks tomatoes and runs*

    1. Brer Fox Avatar
      Brer Fox

      I sure would like to know how to duck the runs.

  6. Monica Hamburg Avatar

    The “please don’t flag me” at the end was my favorite part (mainly because I had stopped retching by that point). It’s such a desperate plea… Like some drunk guy who comes up to you and makes disgusting remarks and then says, “please don’t walk away”…

  7. scott Avatar
    scott

    This sounds like the plot of a low-grade horror flick. You buy them and they try to bite your tongue off when you wear them.

  8. Courtney Avatar
    Courtney

    So, on second look (it’s like a car wreck, I just had to!) I wonder why these have to be “saled” soon. It’s not like they take up a lot of space… Too bad the Lyons don’t have a denture program like their eyeglasses program – problem solved and a cheritable tax deduction to boot. 😉

  9. brashieel Avatar
    brashieel

    First off, dentures are individually fitted. As somebody already pointed out.

    Second… for the price of a decent laptop you could probably pay for dentures of your very own.

    Third… the whole concept is just very, very gross. Even without the smoking.

  10. Kristen Avatar
    Kristen

    I can just see them thinking ‘these things cost a lot of money when gramma got them, we should be able to sell them for about that much!’

    When my uncle passed away and we found his dentures in his stuff, I did briefly wonder if the Lyons took them like they do glasses, then I tossed them anyway. Gave me the heebie jeebies just to touch them. CL never even occurred to me – silly me!

  11. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    those pics are scary. i think grandma’s still smiling at me.

  12. Wraith Avatar
    Wraith

    This almost reads like poetry…
    —

    MUST SALE SOON

    GRAMMA PAST
    AND LEFT HER DENTURES
    COULDN’T SEE THEM
    GO TO WASTE.

    ALITTLE STAINED
    (GRANDMA WAS A SMOKER)
    IM SURE THEY CAN
    BE CLEAN-ED UP

    SHE ONLY WORE THEM
    TO DR APPOINTMENTS
    SO THEY NOT
    ALMOST LIKE NEW!!!

    SERIOUS INQUIRES
    ONLY WILLING
    TO CONSIDER TRADE
    FOR GOOD LAPTOP

    PLEASE EMAIL FOR
    FITTING APPOINTMENT
    EVE-NING TIMES MORE
    CONVIENENT FOR ME

    THANK YOU AND HOPE THAT
    WE CAN HELP SOMEONE OUT

    KEEP IN MIND
    GRANDMA WAS PETITE
    SO THEY WILL PROBABLY
    NOT FIT A BIGGER PERSON

    FREE HALF A TUBE
    OF FIXODENT
    AS I HAVE NO USE
    FOR IT

    PLEASE DONT FLAG ME

  13. Wraith Avatar
    Wraith

    Gah, all my spacing was taken out…

  14. twoteethharry Avatar
    twoteethharry

    Do you think its ok if I’m a guy? Cuz I’s only got two front teeth at the bottom and shore wold like to have sum fryed chicken. I miss chewing. My smile measures 4″ wide and I can open my mouth to 5″ tall-its funny that my smile is smaller than my mouth. I wouldn’t figure that. I’m not fat at all on acount that I can’t eat much for not being abel to chew. I don’t gotta laptop but I do have an old playstation I can give you. Call me at 555-307-7344. I work night shift at a lab so it will have to be fore I go to work.

  15. Paul B Avatar

    My skin just crawled off and went dancing around the room.

  16. jill Avatar

    I would like a dollar for every time someone uses “sale” as a verb, or refers to their Grandma as “Gramma” so I can pay off all my student loans (undergrad + 2 grad programs).

  17. blake Avatar
    blake

    Please write you local congressman and let’s have all “Caps lock” keys removed from computers to prevent abuse.

    That is all.
    Thank you

    1. Not-a-|censored| Lion Avatar
      Not-a-|censored| Lion

      BUT WHY?

  18. TacoMagic Avatar

    [matt]I can’t believe you people! Some people aren’t blessed enough to be rich and can’t afford proper…

    Wait… used dentures?

    Ew.
    [/matt]

    1. P-rex Avatar
      P-rex

      Those of us wiffout teefs do just fine.

      1. ghostcat Avatar

        I let my blender do all my chewing for me.

  19. Grampdaddy Avatar
    Grampdaddy

    OK – true story – honest!

    Grampmommy is a teacher also. A few years ago she had a student come in to school on Monday and say that she had gone to Kentucky over the weekend for her Grandma’s wake. She proceeded to tell about it, ” It was kinda sad, but it got real exciting when the police showed up to break up the fight. My Mom and my Aunt got arrested ‘cuz they got into a fistfight over which one of them was gonna get Grandma’s false teeth. Momma said she should get ’em cause they fit her better…”

    Personally, I think sisters should learn how to share nicely.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Grampdaddy, it’s always nice to see you here! And to read your wonderful stories that just adds to the whole squicky-ness of the post!

  20. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    Haven’t I seen them teeth in a certain grinning dog around here before?

    Please don’t flag me.

  21. Not-a-[censored] Lion Avatar
    Not-a-[censored] Lion

    Crush those teeth! Break them with a hammer! Otherwise they could be used to identify the body!
    Oh wait, no body.
    Never mind, no crime has been committed here. Go about your business.

    *[censored] big mouth!*

  22. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    Gramma Past
    Gramma Past passed yesterday. Gramma was very active in the local Historical Society. She is survived by her son, Grant Past Jr. and his family. The funeral will be held on tuesday at the Present Funeral Home in Grants Pass, Or. She will be laid to rest at the Future Cemetary at the Past family plot next to her husband, Grant Past Sr.. There will be a reception at the Past home after the funeral. Refreshments will be served, bring your own glass, because, you know, Gramma’s teeth.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      I’m sure the refreshments will include (or be limited to) jello and pudding.

    2. Jen Avatar
      Jen

      Every time I see something happening in abbreviated Oregon I initially read it as providing an alternative:

      “The funeral will be held… in Grants Pass, Or she will be laid to rest someplace else”.

      I always assume it’s Heisenberg… dratted meddling theoretical physisisisisists!

      1. Windrose Avatar

        Is he the guy that gave the cat to Schrodinger?

        1. Jen Avatar
          Jen

          It’s hard to say…

  23. D / DM Avatar
    D / DM

    Finally! I’ve been looking for some teeth for my styrofoam man head for months!

  24. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    FLAG, FLAG, FLAG.
    I’ll flag who I want, when I want.
    I’m a certified flagger.*

    *this may not be true.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Yes, he’s the Flag Man!
      Yeaaaaah, the Flaaaag Man!
      And he’s working for nothing but teeth!

  25. HamCan Avatar


    Grandma got mugged by the Tooth Fairy
    Walkin’ home to our house on bingo night.
    You can say there’s no such thing as Fairies.
    But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

    She’d been drinkin’ too much “medicine”.
    And smokin’ her Marlboro’s.
    But she’d forgot her lucky dauber,
    So she staggered out the door without Fix O Dent.

    When we found her the next mornin,’
    At the scene of the attack.
    She had wand marks on her forehead,
    And incriminatin’ glitter on her back.

    Grandma got mugged by the Tooth Fairy
    Walkin’ home to our house on bingo night.
    You can say there’s no such thing as Fairies.
    But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

    1. Brer Fox Avatar
      Brer Fox

      Keep it up Hammy, and you’ll have Dwayne Johnson spitting teeth.

    1. Tankerbell Avatar
      Tankerbell

      My thoughts exactly, Kelli. I am now going to proceed to work VERY hard to forget I ever saw this. Pass the brain bleach, please. Steel wool? Oh, don’t mind if I do.

  26. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    You should have just thrown them away, ick, ick.
    You should have just thrown them away, ew, ew.
    Ick, ick, ew, ew, in a funky place,
    where no one will see them ever again.
    Like a garbage can or a sewer drain,
    and we’ll all be happy with out all the pain
    of seeing this ad, and all the disdain.
    And you should have just thrown them away, ew, ew.

    You said that gramma smoked, but can be cleaned right in your post.
    And even have half a tube of Fixodent. Right?

    You should have just thrown them away, ick, ick.
    You should have just thrown them away, ew, ew.
    Like a dusty old bin, just toss them within.
    To try to sell them would just be a sin.
    To throw them away would just take a min.
    And you should have just thrown them away, ew, ew!

    1. Brer Fox Avatar
      Brer Fox

      I believe that was originally performed by Naplonene XIV.

  27. Windrose Avatar

    *kicks HamCan out of the box* And Stay Out! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Ganjyoji Temple!

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