Beef Jerky that looks like USA map – $50
It is a vacuum sealed package of beef jerky that resembles a map of the USA, without Florida. See picture.
Oh, goody! I’ll put it right next to my Sistine Chapel ceiling tile.
If you turn it on its side, it sort of looks like an obscene SpongeBob Squarepants, too.
Sent in by Becci — thanks!
Article writer needed- high volume
I currently have 9 clients that each need articles written on a weekly basis. Articles are for SEO purposes, and have to contain SOME keyword density, but have to be interesting enough to be read and accepted by various sources. I need 10 articles per week per client, and the pay is $1/ article. The total for 9 clients comes out to $90/ per week. Each article will be at least one page long (more or less). This should be a simple enough side gig for someone starting out. We are looking for someone to start out and grow with the company; does not have to be local, but must be in the US.
Must be able to write efficiently and productively in a timely manner; articles are necessary every week. Please send examples to be considered.
Thank you!
- This is a part-time job.
- This is a contract job.
- This is an internship job
Mike sends this one in, saying “He needs SEO articles, which is what I do. At one page each, a good article would take an hour. Assuming you could write 2 articles in an hour, which no one could, that would take up 45 hours a week. Which comes out to around … oh , $2.00 an hour. For a 45 hour week. With no benefits. But plan on $1.00 an hour. I think twice about bending over to pick up a dollar in the street. I just took a pay cut for my SEO writing, and I am a relative beginner. I make $32.50. AN HOUR. What a dipshit.”
45 hours a week doesn’t exactly sound like a part-time job, either. $1 per article? For $1 I would go to the ChomskyBot and copy and past whatever came out of it and call that an article. Throw a couple of SEO keywords in there and you’re good to go.
… people suck at other online classifieds, too. Witness this post on Kijiji, a Canadian classifieds:
GREAT DEAL, MUST SELL ASAP
Price: $250.00Visits: 226
14 YEAR OLD DEAF WHITE CAT. SPAYED AND SHOTS ARE UP TO DATE. 2 DIFFERENT COLOR EYES. WARNING: ONLY LIKES TO BE PET ON THE HEAD, DO NOT TOUCH HER BODY. GREAT DEAL, ONLY SELLING BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE HER AS MUCH AS I USED TO. VERY SMART AND SNEAKY CAT, WOULD BE A GREAT ADDITION TO SINGLE MEN’S HOMES. SHE IS VERY POLITE. GIVE HER A CHANCE. ALSO YOU CAN RENAME HER BECAUSE SHE IS DEAF. ONLY REPLY IF YOU WILL FEED HER SOFT STUFF.
*bangs head against computer*
Apparently this person is used to shouting at their deaf cat — that would explain the all-caps posting. As for the rest of it … apparently the cat is very polite AND very sneaky. She’s politely sneaky. Unless you touch her body, in which case she apparently turns into a whirling dervish of epic proportions.
And does this person really think they’re going to get $250 for a 14-year-old cat? And that that’s a “great deal”? At that age, their warranty has pretty much expired. Yeah, sure, cats can live into their 20s sometimes, but that’s the exception. At 14, you’re pretty much dealing with a geriatric cat. (Suddenly, in my head, the cat has the voice of Abe Simpson.)
There’s a bit of a disconnect between “MUST SELL!” and “Only selling because I don’t like her as much as I used to.” I mean, both are asshat-worthy, but tell a different story.
You know, I don’t like my brother as much as I used to, either. I wonder if I could sell him? Oh, but he’s not deaf, so you couldn’t rename him. And he doesn’t eat only soft stuff.*
*Full disclosure: I don’t actually have a brother, but if I did, I’m sure this guy would seriously consider selling him.
Meanwhile, over in the motherland, England has a website called gumtree.com, which contained this post:
(more…)
NICE OLD SOFA BLUE LOOK – $389
I HAVE GORGOUS OLD BLUE VINYL SOFA. THIS BABY IS ORIGINAL THE RIPS OR TEARS IN IT ARE NATURAL FROM GAS OR FARTS. YOU WILL NEED TO PICK UP.
This was Lindsay’s very first submission to YSaC. She says she will be combing her local Craigslist for “Midwest stupidity.” Apparently there’s plenty of that to go around. I’m mystified by the pricing of the sofa — but even more mystified by the fact that the listing has since been modified to “sold pending pickup”! Someone actually bought that thing?
Anyway, as we all know, I’m all about making connections for people … it’s just my giving nature. Read on to find out more:
Green Microfiber Sofa – $200
Paid over $2400 new, but then my precious dog had an accident with the arm rest. Easy fix!
$200 firm, no delivery
Don’t you hate it when your dog accidentally shreds the armrest of your couch? I mean, there he goes about his doggy day, doing his doggy thing, and then all of a sudden, he trips and completely shreds the upholstery.
Luckily it’s an easy fix that just involves reupholstering the entire couch.
I hope the dog doesn’t “accidentally” shred the electrical cords that the owners have so thoughtfully left out and exposed right near the dog bed. I mean, it’s not like the dog has ever chewed on anything before, right?
Wheres my bed buddy at? – w4m – 21
It’s amazing how much thought i’ve put into this little post, so here goes.
You’re right … it’s astounding. It’s almost as though you’ve thought about it at all.
On the other extreme, there’s this, sent in by Kati:
Cowboy Take Me Away… far away – 21 (Here)
hmmm… Well, my dream man is:
at least 6′ tall, not fat but not anorexic either (preferably semi-muscular), drives a truck (preferably a chevy).. if it’s not a chevy, it’s ok.. but I will make fun of you everyday, especially if you ever have the misfortune of breaking down. country music is a must (at least half the time). you don’t have to own a gun, but be able to shoot one. –not an alcoholic– DOESN’T OWN ANY PINK SHIRTS —THIS IS A DEALBREAKER!!! I WILL BURN IT. please at least believe in God. i won’t have you talkin trash about every country song that uses God’s name when I’m listening to it. (i don’t go to church a lot either) Trash-talking just annoys me. I don’t believe in abortion… (sorry… actually, no.. i’m not sorry) If we’re arguing and you ever have the balls to hit me first, I will make sure you don’t have the balls to do it again. However, if I hit you first(which i’ve never done in my life), hit me back… What the hell are you thinking?! You’re just gonna sit there and let me beat your ass???!!! Are you a man or not? hmmm Don’t have any diseases (just in case i ever do get around to doing that with you). You must be able to go to Wal Mart with me, even if it’s just to stand in the hunting/fishing section the whole time I do the shopping. Have a decent job (there shouldn’t be any question about this if you’re plannin on keepin that pretty truck of your’s). I know it’s branded across your little redneck heart, but PLEASE try not to say “Gitterdone” everytime someone says anything. Please don’t dip either (eww). I prefer non-smokers, but this is negotiable since obviously 90% of people in GA are dumb and want cancer. You need to like four-wheelers, mud boggin, kids, obviously trucks, going out occasionally, and the fact that i like t-shirts and jeans. You must own boots; if you don’t own any, I’ll know you’re fakin’.
ok… well, I think I might be done. Who knows? I could be forgetting something. But, it doesn’t matter, does it because the man I’m looking for (if he does in fact exist) probably doesn’t know how to use a computer. ..so he will never even see this ad. … at least I provided ya’ll with some entertainment for a minute… If you do think you’re this guy, don’t be over 30. Email me, and I’ll reply. People who don’t think you’re this guy but just wanna bitch because I’m too picky. Please don’t email me. That just annoys me, and this is what I’ve wanted since I was 14 years old. Hey, if he’s out there, why shouldn’t I find him?
I don’t think she’s thought about her fantasy man at all, do you? I mean, it’s not like anyone who responds is going to be compared to an imaginary standard that they’re going to fail to live up to in one way or another.
What do you think is up with the pink shirt thing? For me, a man secure enough in his masculinity to wear pink is kind of hot.
