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  • YSaC, Vol. XCI

    I need a pelm pilot, treo, i phone, sidekick, etc. nE W COOL pHON


    IM looking for a new phone ATandT compatatable Cell phone…
    And I will create a Logo and a Simple BUT PROFESSIONal 2 PAGE WEBSITE for you…
    cALL ME AT xxx. xxx. xxxx

    The mind boggles at what this person’s PROFESSIONal two page website would look like, since it aPPEARS as tHOUGH hIS CApS LOcK BUTTOn HaS a RaNDom ToGGLE on it.

  • YSaC, Vol. XC

    FREE MONKEY!!!!!


    I am moving Oct. 21 into an apt. complex that does not allow animals. I need of a loving family for my adorable monkey. His name is Frankie…. Katie xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Would you like to touch my monkey? Touch my monkey! Love him!

    Poor Frankie the tiny monkey with photoshopped horns. Poor Katie with her moving and her phone number on the internet for lunatics to call. Too bad none of it’s true.

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. LXXXIX

    Academically Delinquent Student Seeks Writing Coach


    Sensible [college] senior seeks beneficent academic, advanced degree student, or otherwise professional writer to act as guide through the vicissitudes of writing. Though my trouble with writing remained a private albatross for years, I don’t want my last semester to turn out like the never-ending story on account of a few papers, and, ahem, a thesis. A helpful sensei would read essay drafts, provide compositional and critical theoretical feedback, and be generally, sensitively, and honestly encouraging. I’m open to email correspondence or face to face meetings. In exchange for your services, I will cook, clean, babysit, or perform any other reasonable and ordinary unskilled labor or light techie task you need.

    Most likely translation: Despite the fact that I clearly know my way around the English language and a thesaurus, I’m terminally lazy and want someone to write my senior thesis for me.

  • YSaC, Vol. LXXXVIII

    hollow body electric!!!! WHERE ARE YOU


    let me know

    Apparently this genius believes that all you have to do is yell out the name of the thing you want and it will magically appear for you.

    Let me try: Ewan McGregor!!!! Where are you, Ewan McGregor?

    *looks around*

    Damn.

    Or maybe he’s misplaced his own hollow body electric, and he’s calling to it to get it to come home, like a lost puppy. If B.B. King was doing this, he’d be yelling out “Lucille!!!!”, but maybe this guy hasn’t gotten around to anthropomorphizing his guitar yet.

    Anyway, let me try this misplaced-item theory: car keys!!!! Where are you, car keys?

    *waits*

    Nope. Damn.

    Or maybe he’s searching for the Whitman poem, “I Sing the Body Electric“, and stating in his own postmodern way that he believes the poem to be hollow. The venerable expert on poetry, Sparknotes, states that in Whitman’s poem, “[t]he body becomes sacred through its linkage with the soul; while it is only the soul’s helper or accomplice, it nevertheless does not deserve second-rate status, for it enables not only spirituality but also poetry.” Clearly this poster believes that by calling the body electric hollow, he is pointing out that a lack of spirituality leaves one’s soul hollow, as it were.

    *nods* That must be it. Thank you, oh wise sage. You have saved my Craigslist-embattled soul.

  • YSaC, Vol. LXXXVII

    Nikon 70-200mm f/2.8G ED AF-S VR Zoom – $1950


    Nikon 70-200mm f/2.8G ED AF-S VR Zoom

    Almost New. Barely used excellent condition. USA Model, Full Warranty
    Cash Only. Very Hard to Find This Lens. Negotiable Price.

    RE: Nikon 70-200mm f/2.8G ED AF-S VR Zoom – $1950


    To the individual that is posting this item for sale…or for anyone that is looking to buy…

    It’s not that hard to find…actually in stock right now at B&H Photo Video. And $1950 for a used one?? get real!

    http://www.bhphotovideo.com/c/product/274780-USA/Nikon_2139_70_200mm_f_2_8D_VR_G_AFS.html#

    IN STOCK, BRAND NEW: $1629.95 + $20 shipping

    I would hate to see someone get ripped off….

    Hey, that’s my job! Except that someone might actually want the camera lens, as opposed to the awful things I’m trying to help you all save money on. And do I get any thanks?

    Don’t mind me, I’ll just sit here in the dark.

  • YSaC, Vol. LXXXVI

    5 month old chiuauhua For Sale – $300


    shakes is a 5 month old chiuauhua mix he is a very sweet and cute puppy, he was a gift to my mother and due to her work schedule she cannot give shakes the love and attention that he needs and deserves. He is very playful comes to his name and is good with small children and cats. If you are interested in him contact either Jaimie or Kelly @ xxx-xxx-xxxx If shakes goes he will go with his bed, toenail clippers, and favorite blanket and toys…

    Is it my imagination, or is Shakes maybe a little too, um, excited to be having his picture taken?