You Suck at Craigslist

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  • YSaC, Vol. 423: The dishwasher hates children, though.

    ONE OF A KIND WHITE FRIDGE TOP AND BOTTOM ONLY – $250

    THIS REFRGERATOR IS EMMACUANT AND VERY FAMILY FRIENDLY. THIS FRIDGE HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME. I HAVE NO COMPLAINTS ALL HOUGH THE BEST THING ABOUT IT IS THAT IF YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE FRIDGE PART WITHIN 10-15 MINUTES ITS COLD. I HATE TO GIVE IT UP BUT I AM MOVING AND NEW PLACE ALREADY HAS FRIDGE. IF INTERESTED PLEASE EMAIL AT
    STEPHEYxxxx@YAHOO.COM

    HAVE TO PICK UP

    423

    Tonya sends in this ad, saying, “Okay … first of all it’s “one of a kind” — umm … it’s a fridge. I don’t have to go into the all caps section of our program, but I do have to mention this line: ‘ALL HOUGH THE BEST THING ABOUT IT IS THAT IF YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE FRIDGE PART WITHIN 10-15 MINUTES ITS COLD.’ In a fridge!? NO WAY! That’s just amazing.”

    The thing that makes this fridge a one of a kind is clearly that you only get the top and bottom of it. There’s no middle to the fridge. Think about it: is there a middle of the fridge in that picture? See? Q.E.D., bitches.

    I’ve known people to get oddly attached to some pretty strange things, but this person sounds a little too fond of her fridge. The fridge has been good to you? She’s one step away from insisting that it go to a good home and calling the sales price a rehoming fee and requesting visitation rights.

    Thanks, Tonya!

  • YSaC, Vol. 421: The geezer period was after the French Prudential period.

    nice home decor

    [1]very nice wall hanging $5.00
    [2]bird house center piece $10.00
    [3]very nice swag $6.00
    all are homemade

    Say, that is a very nice wall hanging. Is that cross-stitch or latchhook? Can I get the pattern for that at JoAnn Fabrics? I think my grandmother would like that on a pillow. It’s so hard these days to find good embroidery work of geezers making obscene gestures. I mean, back in the 20s it was all the rage to decorate your house in early grandpa-grabbing-his-junk! It was everywhere — wall hangings, tea cozies, antimacassars, you name it. For some reason that style just didn’t keep as well as we thought it would. They say if you wait long enough everything will come back into fashion, though, and this is proof!

    Thanks to Mo for sending this one in!

  • YSaC, Vol. 420: The house also comes with hot and cold running heroin.

    FREE MARIJUANA PLANTS!! ([entire address posted!])

    I just moved into a new house and I found what appears to be 7 female marijuana plants. The plants are about 4-5 feet tall each and are about to bud. I will also give away the buds and seeds that have been produced buy these plants.
    If you would like to pick these up, please call Junior @ xxx-xxx-xxxx.

    Thanks.

    Do you think this person is operating under the “it’s not illegal if I don’t sell it” theory? I mean, he certainly seems to know a lot about marijuana plants for someone who is uninterested in keeping them. I suppose it’s also possible someone is trying to get Junior busted. Or robbed.

    Regardless, posting your full address and phone number when advertising marijuana is probably a pretty bad idea:

    QUINCY, Mass. — A man has been arrested after he allegedly placed an advertisement on Craigslist selling marijuana. Police said undercover detectives responded to the advertisement and bought a small bag of pot from 30-year-old Christopher Gray for $45.

    According to police, Christopher Gray posted the advertisement on the online classified site with the words “420 help is here.” The item read “Give me a ring if you need some help,” and listed a phone number, which a detective called Friday and arranged for a meeting with Gray in Quincy.

    Junior may be moving to another new house soon. To Junior’s credit, this is the most coherent advertisement for marijuana that I’ve ever seen, so hopefully he’ll enjoy the prison library.

    Thanks for the submission, Katika!

  • YSaC, Vol. 419: Sometimes sucking at Craiglist is a punishable offense.

    A recent news story involves a rather creative, but suck-tacular, use of Craigslist:

    Man arrested for selling stolen furnace after posting phone number online

    John Allen Chudley, 38, of Knoxville, is charged with charged with aggravated burglary, theft and possession of drug paraphernalia.

    Police said Chudley broke into a vacant North Knoxville house at 1416 Kenyon Street and took pictures of the furnace.

    Then he listed it for sale on Craigslist and posted a picture and his cell phone number.

    The homeowner found out, called Chudley saying he’d like to buy the furnace, then called 911.

    Chudley met officers, thinking one was the buyer, and sold them the furnace. He even helped load it into their truck.

    Police said Chudley also had outstanding warrants for aggravated burglary and theft. Plus, he agreed to talk to them about other thefts and burglaries.

    Chudley was taken to the Knox County Jail.

    Even better, Dan sent me this shining example of Craiglist incompetence and intrigue, which actually happened to him!

    Hi,

    I recently had my car stolen with all of my home inspection tools inside. I started checking CL to see if any of the tools showed and, sure enough, my $8000 thermal imaging camera was for sale 3 days after the theft for $200.

    More after the jump … (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 418: Stain, stain, stain …. stain of fools …

    oversized chair (middlefield)

    This item is free, oversized comfy chair…would be great with a cover, and it’s free!
    415a

    I like how they’re really highlighting the “free” part. Unfortunately, free rhymes with the word I can’t help but thinking of when I look at this chair. That unfortunate linguistic coincidence disinclines me towards taking this chair, regardless of how “great” it would be with a cover. Unless that cover is made of antibacterial latex and is two feet thick, I think I’ll pass, thanks.

    Although, on second thought, it doesn’t look too bad compared to these …
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 416: Whatever you do, don’t cross the … drawers.

    5 Drawer Dresser – $30

    5 Drawer Dresser. In good Condition. We are moving soon and need to sell it. Call (xxx) xxx-xxxx if interested.

    416

    The ordinary reader would look at this and think, “They obviously made a typo and meant to say a four drawer dresser. Twice.” But we, we are not the ordinary reader, are we? We recognize that this dresser is obviously owned by someone who is not constrained by simple physical principles; someone who is capable of postulating spaces and dimensions — and drawers! — that don’t exist. That’s right, as improbable as it may seem, this dresser is owned by, and most likely intended for, a string theorist.

    So what do we put in our imaginary drawer? (The Imaginary Drawers would be a great name for a band, wouldn’t it?) Oooh, we could put our stuff in the imaginary drawer! But if we put real stuff in the imaginary drawer, that might cause a total protonic reversal. Or something.

    Let’s see if anyone else has any ideas about what we can keep in magical dressers.

    Dresser

    Looking for a decent dresser if anyone wants to get rid of one…could use one for my son and my clothes. Please email. Thank you.

    This person could use four drawers for her clothes, and the extra magical fifth drawer to keep her son in. It’s like something straight out a Seinfeld episode. It’s perfect!

    Thanks to Christine and Eric for the posts!