An Unabridged Interview With Jesus
I’m conducting an interview for a book with a person who remembers the life of Jesus. If you were to take part in the interview, what would your question or questions be?
Now’s your chance, folks — if you were to interview someone who remembers the life of Jesus, what would you ask them?
[Thanks for the submission, Catherine!]
asian or oriental tutor needed today
This evening asap i need a asian or oreintal person to teach me the asian language. I pay $10 an hour. Send me your contact information and i will call you.
Kaitlin says, “I can’t pick a favorite part: The poster’s need to clarify a difference between Asian and Oriental (or oreintal, I don’t know, maybe he pronounces it differently), needing to know THE asian language, needing to learn the language in ONE night, or pondering over what the poster could possibly need it for.”
Chris also sent this one in, with a theory: he says, “Anything to book that Flower Drum Song audition, right?”
I’m sure it will only take a few hours to master Asian. After all, something like eight billion people speak it — how hard could it be?
Hi. Welcome to You Suck at Craigslist, a site where I make fun of poorly constructed Craigslist ads.
What? What’s that you say? You’re wondering why I’m stating that, when it’s perfectly obvious what the site is?
As it turns out, perfectly obvious might not be obvious enough to some people, as evidenced by an email I got (exchange is behind a cut, as it’s relatively long):
Elle, who was also responsible for the “Free blowdry and style” submission, sent this one in. It got flagged almost immediately, but luckily she’d taken a screenshot:
Click here for a larger version, and be confused for a while. The two pictures themselves are like those puzzles in Highlights magazines where you were supposed to spot the differences between the two pictures: The hair comb! The green thing! The white/grey square blob to the right of the pink thing just above his head! Find and collect them all!
Elle says, “I have so many questions. What/where is GUATSUSNAKE? Who is “HE”? Are they offering up an unemployed/retired person? A snake? Why did they include two almost-identical Photoshopped photos? Is that a mannequin? A dead body? Is there anything that ice cream doesn’t fix?
This may have put me off Craigslist forever.”
Here, I’ll save you the trouble — here’s a link to a Google search for “guatsusnake“. You’ll notice that nothing comes up. (I’m hoping the search engines will catch the word quickly enough that it will link back here by the time this post goes up!)
In other words: Nope, I’ve got nothing.
shy me – 22
I’m a dumb ass , now i have to take a bus cause they took my dl(got one month left), have abit of a problem with a head and some of my friends tell me im an asshole ,got no front teeth, live in my parents basement ,never finish or if i think about it never stared the school that would explain my spelling(i thik the last homework i did was in 3 grade) and on top of it all just lost my job(god that looks bad)ha but so far in last six years that i spend in canada over all i did allrigt, i’m 5.11, 165pounds,still got my 6 (not like its matters)im white ,well fit ,grey eyes,with dirty blonde hair,intelegent inaf to realize the level of my personal stupidity,sick and tierd of the mind games shit,will not lie or betray.
If some one ask me what i’m looking for in the girl i gona have to say that she must be well fit,able to think(i hate stupidity) and she cant be to much of a bitch everything else dont realy matter
So if u think u can deal with the sad reality a have just presented send me an e mail and we go from there
O ye i do have good sence of humor (i can laugh at my self)
This is like a litany of personals sadness. Lost his drivers license, his friends think he’s a jerk, lives at home, dropped out of school, unemployed … wow. At least he claims he can laugh at himself. What’s the line from Hedwig and the Angry Inch? “I have to laugh … because I’ll cry if I don’t.” That seems apropos here.
I think we might actually have to start that “I can’t imagine why you’re still single” tag. That’s a bit long, though — any suggestions about a shorter tag name?
Black Widow Milking Specialist
Well It looks like it’s come to do this Guys, The Goverment has ran out of Guinie pigs
You should consider this postion if normal people consider you different,
All people are normal until you get to know them!!To my fellow “___________________” professionals. C’mon Admit it,
Do you want to give up Sign waving, picking up bottles and cans,
jumping on the light rail without paying. Do you want to give up
holding out a sign on busy street medians hoping to get hit,
then suing the driver? Are you tired of telling people you have a job
when in fact all you do is stealing Catalytic Converters.
Would you, Should you for good, if you could ?If you would like a way to supplement or to totally replace your current
income, and maybe I could convince you to try something a little different !!If you have Ph-d from Kindergarten you might need to contact me
If You Haven’t found a job, since my last CL ad you need to contact me
If you are a single-mom or stay-at-home person you might need to contact me
If you are non-minority or a part of a major minority you might need to contact me
If you are physically disabled or slightly mentally disabled you might need to contact me
If you take a shower at the skate board park bathroom sinks you might need to contact me
If you are under-employed, over-employed, or unhappily employed you might need to contact me
If you are an non-English speaker or born and raised here and still can’t speak right, you might need to contact meContact me for Date and time on the next hiring seminar.
[location], Sacramento Ca 95833-3508
([directions], North to the Univ Of Phoniex Bldg)
Bring
1. A Collared Shirt (women you know what I mean)
2. Bring no money, you won’t need it
Ladies and everyone reading this. Minorities, Students, Retired are highly encouraged to attend.
This is the most Equal OPP you will ever get !!
xxx-xxx-xxxx (Call me anytime 24 hours)
xxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
Best I can tell from a little googling, the address leads to a school for crane operators. It might have been useful for him to say that. Instead he spends the ad insulting his potential recruits and then misspelling the name of the location. (Maybe one of his pitches should have been, “If you can’t spell University of Phoenix, you might need to contact me.”)
What does it say about me that every time I see “Equal OPP” the first thing that goes through my head is, “Yeah, you know me!”
Thanks for sending this one in, Heather!