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YSaC, Vol. 322: I think I’m turning Asianese, I really think so …

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drmk

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asian or oriental tutor needed today

This evening asap i need a asian or oreintal person to teach me the asian language. I pay $10 an hour. Send me your contact information and i will call you.

Kaitlin says, “I can’t pick a favorite part: The poster’s need to clarify a difference between Asian and Oriental (or oreintal, I don’t know, maybe he pronounces it differently), needing to know THE asian language, needing to learn the language in ONE night, or pondering over what the poster could possibly need it for.”

Chris also sent this one in, with a theory: he says, “Anything to book that Flower Drum Song audition, right?”

I’m sure it will only take a few hours to master Asian. After all, something like eight billion people speak it — how hard could it be?

Comments

35 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 322: I think I’m turning Asianese, I really think so …”

  1. Sam Avatar
    Sam

    YES! I will teach you the one asian language..because all of us asians really speak only one language but we kind of “mix it up” a little just to confuse the others.

  2. wambulance Avatar
    wambulance

    I’m guessing that this person needs to know the asian/oreintal language to communicate with his mail order bride.

  3. DrugserBad Avatar
    DrugserBad

    This one hurts my brain even more than they usually do.

  4. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    Make a deposit to my PayPal account and I’ll be right over.

  5. corn flakes Avatar
    corn flakes

    This cant go well, they have a very short time frame to learn a/many language/s but doesn’t understand geography, cultures, continents, etc.

    “asian or oreintal person to teach me the asian language” is a great line. In addition to all the other stupid things, I like that it rules out any non-asian that might be fluent in “oreint”

    Although i respect his/her pursuit of learning…especially since they seem dumb as sh*t.

    This would be easy money though. You could fake it and totally teach gibberish pretty easily. This person clearly doesnt know better.

  6. ozz Avatar
    ozz

    Somewhere out there, some one is getting paid $10 an hour to teach a man gibberish because he’d never know.

  7. Becki of London Avatar
    Becki of London

    Ha…idiot!

    Although, even though I am sure he is American, in Europe there is a difference between what we refer to as Asian and Oriental. Asian to us means south Asian, Indian, Pakistani etc while Oriental refers to the Chinese, Japanese, general east asians. But…he is still a complete moron. The Asian language, ha!

    1. Courtney Avatar
      Courtney

      In the US, “oriental” refers only to food and rugs – never to people.

      1. Gary Avatar
        Gary

        Yeah, I was under the impression that Oriental was a derogatory word.

        1. dh Avatar
          dh

          Only in America

      2. dogface Avatar
        dogface

        On a somewhat related note, how is it that Europe and North America is never referred to as the Occident? I suppose it wouldn’t be offensive to call myself Occidental since there’s really no subtext to go along with the word in the American culture…

        1. Jane Avatar
          Jane

          It has been referred to as the Occident, but Occident has the same problem as Oriental–it postulates a cultural center on the planet from which you map your direction.

        2. dogface Avatar
          dogface

          Very true, but my point is more that most people would have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about and would thus not know whether to be offended or not. ;D

    2. unfortunate names Avatar
      unfortunate names

      i think they prefer Ornamental

  8. FunnyGal KAT Avatar
    FunnyGal KAT

    “I pay $10 an hour. I only have $20 but that’s OK because I know I can learn the asian language in less than two hours. I mean, I already know tons of words like ‘crab rangoon’ and ‘moo goo gai pan,’ so how hard can it be to learn the rest?”

  9. Dave Avatar
    Dave

    Hey, look, an opportunity for a squinting Puerto Rican to make an easy $30.

  10. ritzypheonix Avatar
    ritzypheonix

    I hate to be picky, but the world population is estimated at below 6.8 billion people, of which 5.5 billion live in Asia (and presumably speak Asian).

    On a lighter note, this site is hilarious.

  11. Courtney Avatar
    Courtney

    How many Asian languages are there? Aren’t there, like, a dozen Chinese dialects alone? Japanese, Korean, Thai, Vietnamese, Indian, etc., etc., etc. This person is just asking for flaming e-mails in about two dozen languages and dozens of regional dialects – none of which s/he’ll understand!

    1. D / DM Avatar
      D / DM

      @Courtney,

      I think this guy must be under the impression that “Chinese” is an offensive word because not all Asians are Chineses. But I think he’s using the word “Asian” to mean, “You know, some kind of Chinese.”

  12. dogface Avatar
    dogface

    Of course it makes sense for a 44,579,000 sq km (17,212,000 sq mi) large continent with 3,879,000,000 people to have one common culture and language! Any other way would just be improbable!

  13. Monica Hamburg Avatar
    Monica Hamburg

    Now if only someone would invent the You Suck Life blog

  14. Monica Hamburg Avatar
    Monica Hamburg

    And I suck at sentences. That was meant to be “You Suck at Life”

    1. casualencounters.com/blog/ Avatar
      casualencounters.com/blog/

      I feel you. I just made a typo on a comment I made on another blog, and I doubt I’m going to be able to sleep tonight.

      But also that one-asian-language-as-if-lol.

    2. Sabra Avatar
      Sabra

      Y’know, people who suck AT life generally suck the life out of me, so “You Suck Life” isn’t really a bad blog title at all.

  15. Sabra Avatar
    Sabra

    My vote:

    He’s got a hot date tonight with a Korean girl he thinks is Japanese, so he wants to learn her native language to impress her. (I’ll take this one step farther, based on a girl I knew in high school: she’s actually American of mixed Korean ancestry, and the foreign language she actually speaks is Spanish.)

    1. D / DM Avatar
      D / DM

      @Sabra:

      Amend that to “crush.” If this guy hasn’t gotten close enough to said girl to find out what kind of Chinese… er, Asian… she is, I seriously doubt he has a date with her or ever will.

  16. corn flakes Avatar
    corn flakes

    I was thinking a similar question when i read the posting but forgot to mention it in my earlier boring rant.
    Isn’t Oriental considered offensive like Courtney suggested.

    There really should be some sort of guide for white people for dated terms and all “fringe” insensitive terms.

    1. dogface Avatar
      dogface

      Shut up, honky!

      ;D

      1. dogface Avatar
        dogface

        Of course, it’ll be my that that my lame, out-dated joke isn’t even applicable because you aren’t white or whatever. XD

        1. D / DM Avatar
          D / DM

          As a professionally trained clown, I resent the use of the word “honky” in reference to white people. I didn’t go through four weeks of clown school to become a racial slur.

  17. SJ Avatar
    SJ

    Reminds me of a sign I saw at a car dealership in suburban LA: “We speak several languages. English, Spanish, Asian, etc.”

  18. D / DM Avatar
    D / DM

    No, no, no.

    Those ladies are fully trained in Asian English. They know the important phrases like, “You like?” and “I clean?” And for more complex communication, they master the “squint and giggle.”

    1. D / DM Avatar
      D / DM

      (That was a reply to @wambulance above.)

    2. dtdk Avatar
      dtdk

      I hate to say it, but that is my life sometimes. I live in S.E. Asia and although i do speak the loacal lingo, i do like to help some ladies practice english, and 90% of the conversation is the “squint and giggle” technique.

  19. Dave and the ferret Avatar
    Dave and the ferret

    Sorry, I can’t help you with Asian, but I’m fluent in Swiss.

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