You Suck at Craigslist

Blog

  • YSaC, Vol. 200: OMGWTFBBQ??!!!1!one!1I!

    The 200th post seems like a good time to make a change. I’ve decided the Roman numerals are irritating, and am abandoning them for numbers and the occasional snarky headline. You may direct complaints to the complaint department at your nearest Circuit City.

    Anyway, in honor of YSaC’s 200th post, I’d like to do something a little different. As proprietress of this here web site, there’s a lot of things I can track about the comings and goings of people. One of the things I can see is what combination of words people type into a search engine that ends up bringing them to this site. As I’m about to illustrate, it’s almost weirder than the things that end up getting posted.

      let me get you craigslist
      (No thanks, you see, I’ve already got one.)

      code word craiglists mushrooms
      (If you don’t know the code word, you’re not cool enough to buy mushrooms. I already know I’m not cool enough, so don’t come here looking for answers!)

      colloms for wedding cake
      (I first read this as “Gollums for wedding cake”, which brought up a hilarious mental image of Gollum sitting on top of the cake with the wedding rings … my precioussssssssss)

      ponies free on graigslist
      (Some people shouldn’t have ponies.)

      someone had advertised shit tzus on crai
      (Or Shih Tzus.)

      does accounting suck
      (Yes.)

      lacawates valtrus-suka
      (This is probably the result of someone reading this post and double checking to see if there are any other results [which there aren’t, although the Tucson Craigslist shows up because that’s where the original post was], but I still like the idea of there actually being something called a “lacawates valtrus-suka” that people are looking up and then arriving here.)

      personals what does discrete mean
      (This poor person is going to end up so confused.)

      my husband is looking at casual encounters
      (Maybe he’s looking for things to send here? If not, take note, folks — that’s a pretty good excuse.)

      crt205 homework
      (If only it were that easy.)

      save my soul craigslist
      (I don’t think Craigslist has the power to do that. This site, however, certainly does, so you’ve come to the right place!)

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCIX

    Having a hard time in the grocery store – 36

    I have alot of grocery shopping to do and the last time I went there I felt uncomfortable pushing the cart around because women are supposed to push the grocery cart. So being a bachelor I’m trying to stack everything in my arms and it isn’t working very well and I’m dropping things and grunting through the store hauling way too many groceries by hand. It was awful and I had to come back two days later and dop it all over again. (I’m a big fellow who eats alot of food.)

    I’m looking for an attractive lady to push my cart in the grocery store while I shop. You must be attractive because people will think you are my wife or girlfriend if you are pushing my grocery cart. And while I do enjoy being a bachelor and dating freely, if you are really good at pushing my cart I’d be glad to keep you around for a while and possibly even sleep with you or take you out for burgers. So please no one older than 25 and no larger women.

    As compensation for your time I might buy you a few loaves of bread or something from your grocery list.

    Please reply with a pic so I can see if you are good looking enough to play the part of wifey while I shop. Also I’m white so unless maybe you are some kind of Asian it wouldn’t look right for you to be pushing my cart around for me. People would talk if I was with a darker girl. Also I usually date women with a bigger bust so unless you have a really pretty face and a really petite figure you should probably have a decent bust size. And no kids please, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking they were mine. Plus I just don’t date women with kids for obvious reasons.

    So many offensive assumptions and stereotypes, so few brains.

    I’m almost tempted to respond to this and offer to be his cart lackey just so I can “accidentally” clip his ankles with it as I dutifully follow closely behind. Besides, I might get a loaf of bread, a burger, and/or some crappy sex out of it.

    That’s it. I’ve threatened to do it before, but I have to now. I’m adding an “asshat” tag.

    Sent in by Catherine — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCVIII

    Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie – $65

    Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark

    I am posting on Craigslist, in a city different than the one you are in now. I am posting my text, and I am going to post it again and again until the words of the post run together so that any semblance of meaning, with perhaps the exception of my phone number, is destroyed. What you will read, then, are the words of my post over and over and over. I regard this activity not so much as a demonstration of a Craigslist post, but more as a way to sell a LaCie Lightscribe 16x DVD+/-RW.

    Explanation (of my obscure reference — I can’t help you with his!) is here and here.

    Incidentally, I’m quite amused that one of the tags for the recording in the second link is “exactly what it says on the tin”.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCVII

    Variations on a(n unfortunately) recurring theme:

    Urinary leg bag

    Hey I know this is really strange but….I had surgery last week and had a catheter….they sent me home with a Leg Bag that I NEVER used…it has been opened but not used…I have the bag and leg straps if anyone needs or is interested.
    I know its wierd but I hate to throw away if someone really needs this.

    You know, I’m all for “reduce, reuse, recycle” … but some things just are not meant to be recycled, even if they haven’t been used. This just might be one of them. (Sent in by Leslie.)

    But wait, there’s more! (Of course there is.)

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCVI

    Wanted Raccoon meat

    I want to buy a couple of dressed raccoon carcasses for a outdoors banquet. call Don xxx.xxx.xxxx

    I’ve never been so happy to not be invited to something in my entire life. You see, this ad comes from a state that has recently been (and was currently, at the time this was posted) experiencing high temperatures of something like minus eleventy. An “outdoor banquet” doesn’t sound particularly appealing, much less one involving raccoon carcasses. In the meantime, there’s always this. Sure, you can’t eat it, but it would look nice and fluufy on the table!

    Submitted by MF — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCV

    ** TIFFANY & CO ** Necklace & charm set! heart tag style!! – $1

    This is a brand new never worn authentic Tiffany & Co sterling silver bracelet and necklace set. The retail value for this set is OVER $500. I’m lettin this set go for $300obo. Included are necklace, bracelet, 2 pouches, bag, box, and cleaning cloth! It’s Christmas so don’t miss out on this exclusive gift for her!

    This item is available for pick-up only!!

    There’s nothing really wrong with this ad itself, other than that there’s a little too much excitement! in! the! description!! But no, the hilarity comes elsewhere. Let’s look at the pictures, shall we?

    195b

    That’s okay … it’s a good display of the jewelry; it’s tough to take a close picture in focus if you don’t have a good macro lens, so we can forgive that. Moving on …

    195c

    Nicely displayed so you can see everything … but … what’s the display on? That’s not … could it be? No, it couldn’t, could it?

    (more…)