You Suck at Craigslist

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  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXIX

    need female to impersonate old girlfriend

    looking for petite/attractive late 20’s/early 30’s female to impersonate my old girlfriend to get me out of a pickle with my current one…would require only 10-15 minutes at most

    Leslie sends this one along, saying, “This one mystifies me.  I want to respond just to see what it is he needs someone to do.  Clearly, there will be lying involved.  What kind of woman would be INTERESTED in doing this, anyway?  Given that it’s listed under “Etc. Jobs”, is he paying?  What is the going rate for impersonating an ex girlfriend for the purposes of lying to your current girlfriend?  Truly a niche market if ever I’ve seen one.”

    In my mind, he killed his ex-girlfriend and his current girlfriend suspects him of it, and he needs to prove that she’s still “alive”.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXVIII

    1/9-1/20: daughter and friend for sale

    just bring cash alot of it. not that their worth it but i am at the end of my rope car is totaled DAUGHTER fired from subway cause car is totaled pimple on her nose bumped my HEAD was fine before they got here selling totaled car on craigslist.AFTER I FIGURED THE CAMARA OUT FOR 2.5 HOURS, BOYFRIEND NOW ASLEEP COME GET THEM PLEASE!!!!*** 1999 MONTE CARLO GOOD ENGINE MAKE OFFER xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Katie sends this one in, saying, “Honestly, I’m not sure what it means– is she trying to sell her daughter and her daughter’s friend, as the title would suggest? Because her (presumably) teenage daughter got in a wreck and has acne? Or is she trying to sell the car? I just don’t know. And I don’t think I’ll ever know. This listing made me straight up existential.”

    All I can think is that it must have been one hell of a pimple if it was able to total a Monte Carlo just by bumping into it.

    Even stranger: it was listed under “Events”.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXVII

    Sometimes ads aren’t written quite as well as they could (or should) be. I’ll reserve my rant about the decline of literacy in the US, and instead present you with a couple of case studies. See if you can identify the problems in these posts. You’ll have to look carefully — they’re subtle.*

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXVI

    OBAMA CRYSTAL BRACLET – $20

    Original Sworaski crystal bracelet. Letters are all crystals on a black rubber and stanless braclet….Hurry…time running out

    April found this listing and sent it in, saying “Look at all those “Sworaski” crystals! And on a “stanless braclet”! Can we really have this much glamour for only $20? YES WE CAN!”

    Besides, what’s the hurry? From what I hear, he’s going to be president for at least the next four years. That’s enough time for every person in the country to buy a BeDazzler and imprint his name on every item of clothing they own. Hey, that sounds like a pretty good economic recovery package, actually. Stimulate the economy, and sparkle while you’re doing it!

    *Warning: craptacular video on the BeDazzler site. You’ve been warned.**

    **Sppoookky warning from the future! As of 2011, there is no longer a BeDazzler website! You’ve been warned!

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXV

    Broke assed limp *ick burned out washed up dead beat stoner seeks

    youngish female for making babies and living happily ever after..

    The good folks from Dating is Weird send along this one, saying “I’m all for truth and honesty but jesus christ man. Seriously? Your dick doesn’t work and yet you want to reproduce? How do you plan to do that? No no, wait. Actually I don’t want to know. Yuck.”

    I have to agree — the honesty is simultaneously refreshing and abhorrent. Although I have a sneaking suspicion that this ad was posted by my ex.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXIV

    mustang 1997 – $5500

    Date: 2008-12-30, 2:48AM PST

    im sellin my 1997 mustang for $5500 obo runs great its green srry for the pics i took them at nite but if u wanna c the car give me a call at xxx xxxx ask 4 cris

    Leslie sends along this posting, noting: “Really?  You couldn’t wait until morning to list your car? You took the pictures in the DARK? Really?” (Indeed — look at the time stamp for the posting. The mind boggles as to why this linguistically-challenged individual couldn’t have waited a mere five hours to take the picture in the dawn’s early light.)