You Suck at Craigslist

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  • YSaC, Vol. CXLIX (no, really, that’s what 149 is!)

    ELEGANT FURNITURE 🙂 MUST SEE – $550

    MOVING SALE, BEAUTIFUL FURNITURE EXCELENT NEW CONDITION.

    LIVING ROOM SET $450.00 OBO
    DINNING ROOM SET INCLUDES 4 CHAIRS AND 2 BAR STOOLS $600.00 OBO

    CONTACT ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, SERIOUS INQUIRES PLEASE. THANKS

    This one has it all … misspellings (including my beloved “dinning” room!), a price in the title that doesn’t correspond to anything in the listing … and for a bonus, a random baby picture in the listing. (Maybe the baby is actually going for $550?)

    And don’t get me started on the “beautiful” and “elegant” descriptors applied to the furniture. The people who buy those kinds of sofas are also the ones who worry about whether the art on their walls matches the sofas and the carpet, and then the whole room ends up very, very beige. These photos are Exhibit A. There isn’t a single real color in there. That poor child is going to grow up thinking that he’s profoundly colorblind.

    That’s not beautiful OR elegant. It makes me want to run amok armed with paint rollers in multiple bright, saturated colors.

    In the meantime, folks, don’t sell your baby on Craigslist, mmmkay?

  • YSaC, Vol. CXLVIII

    living room

    sofa- solid construction-has been re-webbed. cusions are down filled
    upholstered arm chair. very solid construction. needs to be re-upholstered xxx-xxx-xxxx

    “Needs to be re-upholstered”? Ya think? That might be a bit of an understatement. I probably would have gone with “needs to be saturated with lighter fluid and burned in a sacrifice to the gods of avocado green”. (The carpet, too.)

    Submitted by Allison — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXLVII

    Legal help to change a law.

    I need some help with changing a law. If any lawyers out there are interested please write to me. Only serious inquiries please.

    I know that all the lawyers I know (well, all three of them) would fall all over themselves to contact a random person* on the internet who wants to change an unspecified law.

    I’d like to change the law that says that I can’t reach through the internet and slap this person silly. Any lawyers interested in helping me?

    Oooh, you know who this guy needs? He needs the Laywer Not A Paralegal.

    *The fact that there is a “Random Person” who comments regularly on the site and who claims to be a lawyer pleases me greatly. Maybe Random Person can be the lawyer (or laywer) for this random person.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXLVI

    Selling pets is prohibited on Craigslist. Sadly, that doesn’t stop people from posting them. Luckily for us, some people post them poorly.

    6 month old terrier 4 sale – $200

    Friendly 6 month old Jack Russel Terrier mixed with a Pitbull needs a good, caring, nurturing home.

    Don’t you think the seller could have found a slightly more flattering picture of the dog to post?

    In my mind, the dog lunged for the photographer’s throat right after this picture was taken. I know I would have.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXLV

    GOLF BALLS-USED – $40

    120 USED GOLF BALLS…..ALL FOR 40.00 some are new, never used.

    That’s right, you can get 120 used golf balls, some of them never used, for $40.

    An unused used golf ball … that’s a different definition of “used” than I’m used to.

    My head hurts. Where’s Carl Spackler when you need him?

  • YSaC, Vol. CXLIV

    We’ve Got 420 Green Floral Gift Ideas for Your Holiday Party – $19

    Order Fresh Flowers, Plants, and Gift Baskets

    Just In Time for the Holidays

    You can order birthday flowers or anniversary flowers 24/7 online for local delivery.

    Flowers, holiday bud vase, fresh cut flowers, 420 Christmas gift baskets, buy flower online, birthday flowers, holiday gift, anniversary flowers, send flowers, anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, gift baskets, corporate gifts, flower delivery, flower bouquet, sweet spice wreath, funeral flower, mothers day, valentines day, Christmas, thanksgiving, sympathy, plants in a pot, gifts, thanksgiving, office floral arrangement, gifts for the holidays, good local tri-state area flower shop lists, gift information, online florist list, etc. flowers for my wife, flowers-for-my-wife, greater metropolitan New York area florist list, wholesale flower dealer pricing, medicinal aromatherapy sachet

    They just happen to have 420 ideas, including bud vases, plants in a pot, tri-state area lists and delivery, wholesale dealer pricing, and medicinal sachets.

    I may not catch all drug references on Craigslist, but even I get this one … which means it’s none too subtle.