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  • YSaC, Vol. CXXXVII

    HALF KARATE RING MUST SELL! – $500

    The ring is antiquish looking and very ellegant. I’ve loved the time I’ve had with it, but I must sell it. It has a circular setting and a thin band. On the band there are four diamons the align each side. THe setting is first, a circle of diamonds( small) then second another circle of diamonds( there bigger then the other ones) then third about a fourth of karate of a diamond in the middle. It’s very flashy, but not too much. It’s got the right amount of class. If your interested please contact me at xxx-xxx-xxxx or xxxxxxxxx@msn.com

    The half judo rings usually go for much, much more. I’d be worried about the ring trying to kick my ass, though — even if it only half-knows karate, that’s still a lot more than I know.

    Or maybe it’s a ring with Wonder Twins powers — maybe there’s a matching ring out there that, if you touch them together, you end up with full karate ass-kicking powers. That’d be fun.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXXVI

    DAMN RIGHT…. I ALREADY KNOW – 29

    IF UR ELEGANT,SEXY& INTELLIGENT,IF UR CONSIDERED A DIME FELINE,THEN POSTING IS FOR U, CAUSE UR THE REASON IM ON CL AT THIS TIME. IF UR DANGEROUSLY FLAVORISH,SO FLY THAT ONCE SEEN MY EYES WOULD SAVOR IT,WHERE THERE ONCE WAS HESITATION,IM DONE WITH ALL THE PLAYIN,NOW IM CONIDERING LOOKING FOR U AS MY ONLY FAVORITE. IM FINDING MYSELF WANTING THAT PERFECT MATCH,U KNOW WHERE OUR HEARTS & SOUL BEGIN 2 MATCH & HONESTLY HONEYDROP PLEASE TELL ME WHATS “EFFIN” WITH THAT? ON A MISSION 2 BUILD WITH U ON SOME REAL “S**T, SOME HEARTFELT & POSITIVE ISSUES, USING TRANQUILITY & STABILITY TO CARESS UR SPIRITUAL,B4 EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE PHYSICAL.BECAUSE THEN R CONNECTION WILL B A REFLECTION OF MY CONSTANT & STEADY STRIVIN, SO THAT U WILL KNOW THAT IVE NEVER STOPPED REALIZIN,THAT U TRULY R & ALWAYS WILL B 2 ME ,MY PRINCESS CUT DIAMOND.SO UNTIL I CAN USE MY VOCAL ORGANISM,I HOPE IVE LEFT U WITH JUST A HINT OF MY SINCERE MAGNETISM,ILL END THIS POSTING SINCERE & COMPLETED STR8T FROM THE HEART WITH ZERO HYPOCRITICAL SENTENCES,JUST A REFLECTION OF MY HEART & WHAT IM ABOUT,IN CLOSING JUST WHAT MY TRUE ESSENCE IS.IF THIS POSTING SPEAKS 2 U & UR FEELING THIS,PLEASE LEAVE ME A MESSAGE.{ ME & U AGAINST THE WORLD BABY!!!}

    Blondie submits this saying, “Um. I think he’s trying to rhyme. I think. What’s a dime feline?”

    Well, Blondie … Someone with the name Dime Feline is on Facebook, and from the one picture I can see she looks “dangerously flavorish.” Perhaps we have a match? Maybe he could consider looking for her as his only favorite? (There might be others, but they obviously wouldn’t be his favorites.)

    Unfortunately, it says she’s in NY, and our prospective paramour was in the South, so that’s going to be a problem; after all, he wants to use his “vocal organism.” [I’m not even sure if that’s legal.] So it looks as though my attempts at matchmaking are for naught.

    But at least there are zero hypocritical sentences, even if that doesn’t quite rhyme with “essence is”. That’s a better rhyme than “strivin”, “realizin” and “diamond”, anyway.

    And it’s a darn sight better than the people who just want to cheat on their wives.

    Thanks for the submission, Blondie!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXXV

    EMERGENCY SEARCH-BUYER OF FRENCH LOPS [LOCATION] 10-08?

    DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR THE BUYER OF THE PERSON WHO BOUGHT FRENCH LOPS IN [LOCATION] APPROXIMATELY 1 MONTH AGO. I HAVE TWO OF THEM MYSELF, DOES. I HAVE INFORMATION AND OTHER THAT YOU WILL WANT FROM ME AND WANT TO KNOW FOR ALL GOOD REASONS FOR YOURSELF. ANYONE KNOWING THIS PERSON AS WELL, PLEASE HAVE THEM CONTACT ME. SINCERELY, KAREN, [LOCATION]. xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Wait, let me get this translation right. I’m going to have to break this down bit by bit.
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXXIV

    i will buy it tonight 60.00

    call me xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Oh, good. Now, what was “it” again?

    And why does that sound like the title of a bad Bryan Adams song from the ’80s?

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXXIII

    LOOKING FOR A MAINE COON OR BEAGLE KITTEN

    please i have been looking for years for one of these kitten if you have one or know someone that does and does not want a large amount for them call or email me my number is xxx-xxx-xxxx thks

    I can’t imagine why this person has been having trouble finding a beagle kitten.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXXII

    Infant Cereal

    I have 5 un-opened boxes of baby cereal. 2 Rice and 3 Oatmeal. One has a best by date of Oct 31, 2008 but I am sure it is still fine. The others do not expire until Jan and Feb 09. Email me if interested. Thanks.

    Because if your baby could have a wish on Thanksgiving Day, wouldn’t they wish for expired Oatmeal?