You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 272: He’s got a wocket in his pocket.

    Living Breathing Dildo – m4w

    ok let me put this as clear as possiable This is a for real deal !!! I am clean D&D free MAN looking too get LAID no games no hassels,just some straight up N.S.A,, I am not a pyscho or crazy Just going throuh a very shitty DIVORCE and dont need any BS in my life at this time.. Can and willing to be discreet, will travel too you.. ready willing and able for what ever you want to do,, as long as i get LAID…. now now for those of you who cant read small print… I WILL NOT GO AND JOIN ANY OTHER BS WEBSITE,,,AND IF YOU ARE NOT AN AMERICAN OR AT LEAST LIVE IN AMERICA DONT BOTHER REPLY’N.. This is your one best shot at the best sex of your life i will gaurintee you a orgasiam if not multiple… Friday— saturday—- sunday only then your S.O.L…

    272

    Danielle sends this in, saying:

    “I am afraid to leave the house knowing that this guy is lurking somewhere in my small town. What amazes me is that someone would have the chutzpah to post an ad like this AND include a picture in a small town? There’s about 13,000 people in this town and it’s one of those places where everybody knows everybody else. I bump into people I know all the time at the grocery store & at the local restaurants- and I’ve only lived here for 1 year…I don’t know that many people. So the chances of me randomly bumping into this….cunning linguist…? at the local Wal-Mart are fairly high! A risk I’m not sure I’m willing to take!

    However I am oddly curious as to what an “orgasiam” is….I don’t believe I’ve ever had one. Is that what happens when you have sex while reciting Dr. Seuss?  ‘I am Sam.  Sam I am.  Do you like orgas-i-am?  We can do it here or there….we can do it everywhere!  Orgas-i-am in a box!  With a fox!  On the rocks!  Wearing socks!’”

    I’m not really sure how to tag this. I don’t have a “wet my pants laughing” tag, but I think this might just warrant it.

  • YSaC, Vol. 271: What should Debbie do?

    Looking for Debbie – m4w – 22

    Im looking for a girl named Debbie. We went on a date a little over a year ago and I was stupid and decided not to call you again. I have been thinking about you recently and wanted to find out how you are doing. I know I was a jerk but I feel as though you were the one that I let get away. If you are interested e-mail me and let me know where it was we went on our date. That way I can be sure its you, if you cant remember than tell me what profession you were studying while we were talking. I hope that it isnt too late to be doing this, you might have already found someone new and I cant blame you for that. Im going to stop talking now because I am probably starting to sound like a bit of a pansey. Hope to hear from you soon, Kyle

    [poll id=”2″]

  • YSaC, Vol. 270: If it’s old, it must be valuable, right?

    Antique Buffet (very old) – $1100

    This buffet is very old, How I know, because my Aunt who owned it (at one time) was very old before she passed. Best offer and it is yours. No worries… she told me to sell it…. 😉

    2701270a

    Professor: “Good morning, class, and welcome to Logic 101. Today, we’re going to study the logical fallacy known as cum hoc ergo propter hoc. Who can tell me what’s wrong with this statement?

         My aunt is old.
         My aunt owned this buffet.
         Therefore, this buffet is old."

    Snowflake K. Student: “Um ….. my aunt isn’t old anymore because she’s dead?”
    Professor: “Not exactly. Anyone else?”
    Precious B. Student: “If it’s your aunt’s buffet you don’t have permission to sell it?”
    Professor: *heavy sigh* “Try again.”
    Design R. Student: “Ooooh, I know! The buffet is ugly, the support beam is broken, and there’s no way it’s worth $1000?”
    Professor: “I give up. I’m going to go outside and yell at squirrels for a while.”

    Meanwhile, at Sylvia Plath’s favorite furniture shop:
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 269: Why can’t I sell my car? (Parts A and B) …

    You gotta work for this one a little bit, like the covergirl you are …

    89 honda civix – $1000

    good running car call 682-53-xxxx

    Okay, the x is right next to the c on the keyboard. That’s a small mistake. There were, as far as I can tell from the Kelley Blue Book, eleven models of Civics manufactured in 1989 (and no models of Civix), so the lack of detail about which one is for sale here is somewhat of a problem. Not to mention that there’s no mention of trim packages, transmission, air conditioning, mileage, accident history, etc. Again, somewhat of an impediment to selling the car.

    But the biggest problem is that this person appears to have posted his social security number instead of his phone number. I re-checked the ad a couple of days later, and it was still like that. Sigh.

    [Yes, I’m aware they probably just missed a digit of the phone number. It still doesn’t help people who want to call about the car, does it? I can type those nine numbers into my Team Mobile phone all I want to, but it’s not going to accomplish anything other than irritating Catherine Zeta-Jones. On second thought, that might be worth it.]

    Even when people DO post the right details, there can still be problems:
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  • YSaC, Vol. 268: If it’s Saturday, it must be French Prevential Day!

    FRENCH PREVENTIAL FURNITURE

    About 6 months ago i bought a Beautiful french prevential 3 piece living room set, hardly sat on, tags r still on… but now i need to sell the set, so serious callers only please… 🙂
    ask for elizabeth, xxx xxx xxxx, also matching marble tables n capidimonte lamps from italy

    ;0

    I guess if you’re going to have French Prevential furniture, you have to have ‘capidimonte‘ lamps to go with it. Because it’s not classy otherwise. (Okay, full disclosure: no, I didn’t know what a capodimonte lamp was either, but I knew enough to look it up!

    You know what else is classy? Leaving the tags on your furniture for six months. Minnie Pearl would be proud.

    268

    But wait, there’s more! (Of course there is.)
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  • YSaC, Vol. 267: ‘Monogamous Gerbils’ would be a terrible name for a band.

    There’s two entries today, Vol. 266 and 267, so be sure to scroll down. (This was an accident, but I’m going to leave it that way and pretend I meant to do that. You may fawn obsequiously in the comments.)

    All it takes is one… – w4m – 26

    “Nice girl with a big heart looking for a sweat guy. I like bathes and showers as well. Most people only like one if that!!! I like to keep my options open. Tired of being pushed around and mistreeted. Iwant someone who respects me for who I am and knows how to treat a cute girl. Being able to listen to lots of opinions I might have when I’m drunk is always a plus. So is knowing how to handle a gerbil. I have 7 and they are like my kids, I luv them, alot!!! N*E*WAYZ I will go now if you want to know more just ask, I’m an open book. i prefer at least 6 inchers. I can deal with less but it’s not near as fun. no small weiners! lol “

    Why is this in quotes? Is it a transcription? Was she dictating this to someone?

    It’s a good thing she likes baths and showers if she’s going to be looking for a sweat guy.

    I’m still trying to figure out the “N*E*WAYZ I will go now”  bit. I mean, I know what it means, but why would someone write that in a personal ad? It sounds like something a third grader would write in a letter to a penpal. “Dear Jimmy, How is your summer? My summer is fun. I went to camp and then went bowling. N*E*WAYZ I have to go now, it’s time for dinner. Johnny”

    And I’m hoping I’m not the only one who (at first) thought that ‘6 inchers’ referred back to the gerbils.

    As a special Friday bonus, here’s a series of ads sent in by Tonya. I’m leaving the dates intact on this series for a reason… (more…)