There’s two entries today, Vol. 266 and 267, so be sure to scroll down. (This was an accident, but I’m going to leave it that way and pretend I meant to do that. You may fawn obsequiously in the comments.)
All it takes is one… – w4m – 26
“Nice girl with a big heart looking for a sweat guy. I like bathes and showers as well. Most people only like one if that!!! I like to keep my options open. Tired of being pushed around and mistreeted. Iwant someone who respects me for who I am and knows how to treat a cute girl. Being able to listen to lots of opinions I might have when I’m drunk is always a plus. So is knowing how to handle a gerbil. I have 7 and they are like my kids, I luv them, alot!!! N*E*WAYZ I will go now if you want to know more just ask, I’m an open book. i prefer at least 6 inchers. I can deal with less but it’s not near as fun. no small weiners! lol “
Why is this in quotes? Is it a transcription? Was she dictating this to someone?
It’s a good thing she likes baths and showers if she’s going to be looking for a sweat guy.
I’m still trying to figure out the “N*E*WAYZ I will go now” bit. I mean, I know what it means, but why would someone write that in a personal ad? It sounds like something a third grader would write in a letter to a penpal. “Dear Jimmy, How is your summer? My summer is fun. I went to camp and then went bowling. N*E*WAYZ I have to go now, it’s time for dinner. Johnny”
And I’m hoping I’m not the only one who (at first) thought that ‘6 inchers’ referred back to the gerbils.
As a special Friday bonus, here’s a series of ads sent in by Tonya. I’m leaving the dates intact on this series for a reason…
Hey…looking for someone that’s into monogamy. – 28
Date: 2009-03-20, 7:35AM CDT
A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman already knows. Hey…looking for someone that’s into monogamy. I love getting lost in a good book. In the recent past I have read such books as Christine, Stephen King & 2010: Odyssey Two, Arthur C. Clarke.. Are you interested? If so, contact me with your information.
Ad #2:
Friends of mine tell me I’m monogamous – 26
Date: 2009-03-21, 7:41AM CDT
I am 5 feet 2 inches with luxurious platinum blonde hair and a curvy body. Love to read all kinds of books in my free time. My favorite books are Lady Boss, Jackie Collins and The Regulators, Richard Bachman. Others have told me I am monogamous. I hate it When you open the DVD case and it is empty or a different movie is in it. Today’s the day! Send me an Email and let’s get to know each other.
Ad #3:
Friends say I am monogamous – 19
Date: 2009-03-23, 7:39AM CDT
I have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution. I’m monogamous. I dislike how opening any cheap electronic item these days requires cutting up your finger with cheap impossible to open plastic molding covering. I am 5 feet 3 inches with soft platinum blonde hair and a curvy body. Ok…I am a huge movie buff.
Does anyone else get the feeling that she doesn’t actually know what the word monogamous means? I think she was complaining about her relationships to a more intelligent co-worker, and the following conversation took place:
Her: “I’m just sick of JimBob cheating on me, you know?”
CW: “Well, you’re monogamous.”
Her: “What did you call me? I don’t have any diseases anymore, after those antibiotics.”
CW: “No, monogamous. You’re monogamous, and you need to find someone else who is monogamous, too.”
Her: “Right! I’ll post an ad on Craigslist. H-E-double hockey sticks, I’ll post a series of ads on Craigslist, in which I get younger in each ad and grow an inch in height. I’ll be sure to find me someone monogamous then.”
She’s not too cautious about using the word impossible when she’s complaining about “impossible to open plastic molding covering”.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.