You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 266: It’s Flatulence Friday!

Written by

drmk

in

,

NICE OLD SOFA BLUE LOOK  – $389

I HAVE GORGOUS OLD BLUE VINYL SOFA. THIS BABY IS ORIGINAL THE RIPS OR TEARS IN IT ARE NATURAL FROM GAS OR FARTS. YOU WILL NEED TO PICK UP.

266

This was Lindsay’s very first submission to YSaC. She says she will be combing her local Craigslist for “Midwest stupidity.” Apparently there’s plenty of that to go around. I’m mystified by the pricing of the sofa — but even more mystified by the fact that the listing has since been modified to “sold pending pickup”! Someone actually bought that thing?

Anyway, as we all know, I’m all about making connections for people … it’s just my giving nature. Read on to find out more:

It’s too bad we can’t get the person responsible for the flatulence-related damage to that “gorgous” sofa in touch with the person behind this West coast ad, sent in by Leslie:

How many times – m4w – 32

can you fart in my face, and have me pay you for each one ?

I am willing to give you $20 per fart, to see if you can do this.

You can have your girlfriend keep score if you like

No sex required, and clothes on.

Email me face pic please, and I will send one back

I am a white professional clean-cut male

Thanks!

It’s interesting that he wants a face pic — that’s not the part I would think he’d be interested in previewing. Anyway, if it was a woman who was capable of producing the “rips and tears” in the ugly blue vinyl sofa, I’d think this guy would run out of $20s before she ran out of ammunition. It’s a love connection!

Comments

10 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 266: It’s Flatulence Friday!”

  1. cf Avatar
    cf

    If it did that do a sofa, imagine how expensive it must be to replace pants.

    1. LTP Avatar
      LTP

      Hahahahahaha! Reading this response made me spit out my Skittle. :o)

  2. gas station bathroom Avatar
    gas station bathroom

    TBH, I would take up on the 2nd dude’s. Money for farting? I’m in!

  3. Monica Hamburg Avatar
    Monica Hamburg

    And what girlfriend wouldn’t want to keep score?

  4. Goldie Avatar
    Goldie

    #1 – The first rule of Fart Club is, you do not talk about Fart Club.

    #2 – The second rule of Fart Club is, you DO NOT talk about Fart Club.

    #3 – If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, the fart is over.

    #4 – Two guys to a fart.

    #5 – One fart at a time.

    #6 – No sex, clothes on.

    #7 – Farts will go on as long as they have to.

    #8 – If this is your first night at Fart Club, you have to fart.

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      If I had a “featured comment of the day” widget, this would be the featured comment. In fact, I just looked for such a widget because I wanted to feature it … sadly, I couldn’t find one. I will keep looking.

      1. Hiyame Avatar
        Hiyame

        Check joshreads.com. He’s got a comment of the week thing going.^^

    2. frankie Avatar
      frankie

      HAHAAAAAAA This is KILLING me!!!!!!

  5. Dairenn Lombard Avatar
    Dairenn Lombard

    Whoa wait a minute.

    How many hundreds of PSI is required in order to fart with enough force to penetrate vinyl upholstery? Certainly that is enough exhaust to compete with a Pratt & Whitney turbofan jet engine at 60% throttle. Also, how did friction from that much concentrated wind viscosity not create either the thermal breakdown or partial incineration of the farter’s pants/underwear, or surface of the couch?

    1. Amanda Avatar
      Amanda

      Clearly, my husband has been on someone else’s couch. It’s not the PSI that causes the upholstery damage, you understand–it’s that the volatile compounds contained in the fart react with the petrochemicals in the vinyl, thereby causing a mange-like flaking of the upholstery. It is for this very reason that I insist on all natural-fiber upholstery. Preferably with a sublayer of activated charcoal.

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