You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 242: Next, we take blankets away from the homeless.

    Will trade food for fruit tree or bush

    My husband and I bought 2 bags of food for the food bank and drove around looking for it for an hour, finally found it and it was closed. I figure there is somebody out there who likes soups, spongebob macaroni and cheese and various other instant foods. If you have a fruit tree that you are looking to get rid of or a blueberry bush with an established root stock then let’s swap!

    So let me get this right …. you bought food that you planned to donate, and now just because the food bank was closed, you want to trade the food that you planned to donate for a fruit tree or blueberry bush.

    In other words, you now want to get something for the food that you had initially planned to give away to the needy. That’s mighty philanthropic of you.

    And, on top of it, you’re offering to trade that needy someone some instant foods (that they will use up) in exchange for a fruiting plant/bush that will continue to produce food. That doesn’t sound like a good trade to me. If you offered me a choice between Spongebob macaroni and a blueberry bush, I know which one I would take.

    Thanks, Alyssa! That’s two in a row!

  • YSaC, Vol. 241: Nobody wants Ponce de Leon.

    WANT TO BUY DEAD EXPLORERS

    WANT TO BUY DEAD EXPLORERS CALL DEBBIE OR GARY AT xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Alyssa sends this in, saying, “This is missing some valuable information, such as the answers to: Is Magellan worth more or less than Columbus? Will you pay more for a completed set (like Lewis and Clark, as opposed to just boring old Clark)?”

    I wonder if they’ll consider a trade. I’ve got Vasco de Gama lying around, and I’d really like a mint condition Sir Francis Drake.

  • YSaC, Vol. 240: Sigh. I give up.

    French Preventional Couch Excellent Condition

    This couch is in EXCELLENT Condition, We just don”t need it
    $300.00 or Best offer
    Cash only
    Comes from a smoke free home
    If interested call xxx-xxxx
    Thank you

    Please insert something snarky yet humorous here. I’m giving up.

    For those new-ish to the blog, this should help explain.

    For those who missed the comment in the last post, I’ve issued a mission — to find YSaC-worthy W4M ads, since we’ve been featuring a lot of M4W lately. Search and submit!

  • YSaC, Vol. 239: It’s definitely the second circle.

    looking for women – 45

    i am single mail 45 yrs old looking for a friend/lover/solmat . am a social drinker open minded like to mike popple laugh and horney ass hell !!! can you take care of it grils ??? xoxo

    239

    Allyson sends this one in, saying, “I don’t remember Dante writing about it in the Inferno, but “Horney ass hell” sounds like a pretty horrible one to me.”

    Please make your own South Park movie reference here. I’ll wait.

    As for looking for a solmat, I found one here, here, and here.

  • YSaC, Vol. 238: The extra w is for extra WTF …

    Amazing Web Designs – $299

    You can create your website with our Incredible Website Builder or simply have our design team do the work for you. The only website solutions company that lets you change the complete design of your site at the click of a mouse to keep your entire content intact or request our designers to do the work for you! (your site’s visitors can enjoy a fresh new look every time they visit your site!)
    Nine Great Reasons Why Your Website Should Be Designed By [Company Name].com

    1. The only website solutions company with a stunning photo album that comes with absolutely cool zoom, pan and auto sizing features!
    2. The only website builder that lets you add your own videos (promotional, informational, sales etc.) to provide instant interactivity and adds unmatched impact to your site!
    3. The only website solutions company that lets you add your favorite MP3s and lets your site visitors enjoy them with a built in trendy mp3 player!
    4. The only website solutions company that lets you add catchy greeting cards with personalized messages to create that special bond with your site visitors!
    5. The only website solutions company that lets you change the complete design of your site at the click of a mouse to keep your entire content intact or request our designers to do the work for you! (your site’s visitors can enjoy a fresh new look every time they visit your site!)
    6. The only website solutions company that lets you add a stunning online store with up to 240 products and comes fully integrated with Paypal!
    7. The only Service that lets you receive Important Contact Enquiries from your website Instantly to your Mobile anywhere in the World !
    8. The only website solutions company that lets you Record Live Video directly from your WebCam and publish it to your website Instantly.
    9. The only website solutions company that offers Integrated Search Engine Submission Service to Top Search Engines in the World like Google, AOL, MSN Live etc! (This extra service is only $89.)

    Visit our very informative website at http://wwww.[Company Name].com

    Or Call Toll-Free xxxx-xxxx-xxxx

    And, as John (the submitter) points out, the only website company who can’t spell “www”! (In addition to having four w’s in the text, the actual link directed to “wwww.[CompanyName].com” as well, meaning that you got an error message if you clicked on the link to visit their page.)

    On top of that, the rest of the things they offer are (a) things that any decent website builder can do or (b) things that nobody should want any decent website builder to do.

    “Lets you change the complete design of your site at the click of a mouse”? Um, yeah, that’s called a style sheet or theme.

    “Your site’s visitors can enjoy a fresh new look every time they visit your site”? Let me, a non-web design professional, count the ways in which that’s a good idea. Okay, I’m done — I counted zero ways in which that’s a good idea. And just to be sure, I counted twice.

    And apparently they’ve cornered the market on adding annoying mp3s and videos to their websites. Somebody let MySpace know that they’ve got competition.

  • YSaC, Vol. 237: Beep beep.

    95 Caddy STS – $2800

    YOU ARE LOOKING AT ONE BAD ASS RIDE!! THE FIRST LUCKY BASTARD WHO COMES TO SEE THIS CAR WILL BUY THIS RIDE!!! I MUST SELL FAST TO PAY FOR MY DIVORCE!!! I’VE BEEN ORDERED TO PAY VAGINAMONEY!!! AS YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO TELL BY READING THIS I AM NOT F$%^KING HAPPY!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A 1995 CADILLAC SEVILLE STS 32 VALVE V-8 NORTH STAR ENG, HAS POWER EVERYTHING, LEATHER INTERIOR, FACTORY CD/TAPE STEREO, FACTORY CHROME WHEELS, EVERYTHING WORKS, IT GETS 21 MPG AND HAULS ASS. IF YOU EVER DROVE ONE YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!! IF YOU HAVE A LEAD FOOT GOOD LUCK KEEPING TIRES ON IT CAUSE IT WILL CONSTANTLY LITE THEM UP IN SMOKE!!! MY LOSS IS YOUR GAIN!!! DO YOU KNOW WHY DIVORCE IS EXPENSIVE?…….. BECAUSE IT’S WORTH IT!!!! YOU CAN CONTACT ME AT xxx-xxx-xxxx JAMES

    We can tell you’re not f$%^king happy — you’re shouting. Allow me to introduce you to my friend, the Caps Lock key. It turns on and off. Also, there are types of punctuation other than the exclamation point.

    The surprising thing here isn’t that this fellow is getting divorced, it’s that anyone who would actually conceive of the term “Vaginamoney” and use it in a public setting — much less in an attempted retail transaction — would find someone who would marry him in the first place.

    I’ve noticed that there are certain models of car I know for a fact I will not like the owner of.* In other words, the type of personality that would buy a Chevy Monte Carlo SS, for example, is a personality type that I will not get along with. I have (quasi-)empirical evidence to back this up — I have never met a Monte Carlo SS owner/driver that I like. Has anyone else had this experience (not just with Monte Carlos)? Based on this, I think I might have to tentatively add Cadillac Seville owners to that list. Anyone who judges their car’s quality based on the potential to ‘burn rubber’ has a vastly different set of priorities than I do.

    *Yes, I ended a sentence with a preposition. I couldn’t figure out a better way to get through that one.